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is a life of being single a life at all?

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Lost.Boy

Active member
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
37
Location
East Anglia
I base my self worth on the appreciation shown by others, the fact i've only ever had 1 serious long term relationship in nearly 30 years of life makes me feel liek a pathetic excuse for a human being. I've been single since I was 24 so that's 6 years of feeling like i'll never feel the warmth of a loving hug or making love again. It's got so bad i've been accused of being gay and a peado at various points in my life even though there's no foundation to base either on at allother than the fact I've been single for so long.

I can't see a point to life at all if i'll be single for the rest of it and frankly I don't see how i'll ever find someone to love or to love me ever again and it kills me inside. I still live at home and everyone has moved so far ahead of me in life it's unreal, nobody I know has moved away from home while single, no idea how I could ever cope on my own. It just wouldn't happen, I know when my mum goes i'll have no choice but suicide.

That hurts so much :'(
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I base my self worth on the appreciation shown by others, the fact i've only ever had 1 serious long term relationship in nearly 30 years of life makes me feel liek a pathetic excuse for a human being. I've been single since I was 24 so that's 6 years of feeling like i'll never feel the warmth of a loving hug or making love again.
Hi - I've been single since 25 - close to 12 years single & I feel exactly the same way - people in relationships; & those that have not been single a long time; have no idea of what this is all like - not a clue.

I can't see a point to life at all if i'll be single for the rest of it and frankly I don't see how i'll ever find someone to love or to love me ever again and it kills me inside.
I feel the same way a lot; & in my heart. But I have to say that after considerable time, some of it becomes more bearable. I suppose that it is something that can be gotten used to; to a degree.

I still live at home and everyone has moved so far ahead of me in life it's unreal, nobody I know has moved away from home while single, no idea how I could ever cope on my own. It just wouldn't happen, I know when my mum goes i'll have no choice but suicide.

That hurts so much :'(
I do sympathise & feel for you in your situation. It took me a long time to get independent. I moved out of home a few times; but kept moving back; it wasn't until I was 28 that I finally moved out permanently. There are choices & options to find ways of moving out & independent living.

Maybe write a list of goals - & then address each thing separately at a time; & what you need to do to get each thing done.

It has been an enormous struggle for me to get in & maintain independent living; but well worth it. I love having my own space, & being in a flat.
 
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jamesdean

Guest
I feel for you lost boy, I have actually been strangled by realationships in my life but though I had a very a passionate relationship of pure indulengence with a guy I loved even though he beat the fuck outof me for two years I thought I could never love again I was so damaged at age 28n then I did fall in love once more when I was 33 and I have been in a great realatinship for 15 years but it isnt easy it has to be worked at all the time.

I dont undesrtand why anyone should think you gay or a peado because you are single but I do believe that there is someone for everyone.

I wish you good luck in 2010 that you meet your soulmate.

Warm Regards JD

 
Prince Buster

Prince Buster

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 1, 2009
Messages
176
Location
London
I know how you feel. I had a six month relationship when I was 20. I recently had a year long relationship with somebody, but due to fact it was an affair with a friend of mine I still feel like I have not had a girlfriend for a very long time (I am 36).

I know people say there is somebody out there for everybody, but it is taking me a long old time to find them.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
I know people say there is somebody out there for everybody, but it is taking me a long old time to find them.
Yes, me too.

I disagree with such thinking & sayings. Many people live their whole lives; & then die alone. It is usually the people in relationships that like the saying that there is someone for everyone - some people are destined to be alone; & their lives live that out; sorry to break anyone's illusions; but it's the truth.
 
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Lost.Boy

Active member
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
37
Location
East Anglia


I dont undesrtand why anyone should think you gay or a peado because you are single but I do believe that there is someone for everyone.

I wish you good luck in 2010 that you meet your soulmate.

Warm Regards JD

Gay because I get on and mainly hang around with women, i've always been like this and to a degree blame it on my dad leaving at an early age and not being a male role model to me. I'm in touch with my feminine side but mildy bi curious at most though I doubt i'd ever do anything with a bloke!

The peado thing is down to the fact I used to be seen giving lifts to my best mates 17 year old sis (who is like a sister to me as I've known her since she was very little, was one of the few people who listened to me when I was hugely depressed earlier this year), people who have nothing better to do jumped to conclusions, niether of these rumours would have even been entertained for a split second if I was or at least recently had been a relationship.

People assume the worst because they think being single for so long means you automatically want to have it with everything around you I even get accused of wanting my female friends and have been accused of that forever even when with someone.

Obviously :rolleyes: this really helps with my social anxiety problems when I always think people are thinking about things or saying stuff behind my back. It was only a few people who I don't care about saying these things but these things hurt more when you hate yourself already and for no reason people show hate towards you too. It is pretty much kicking a man when he's down. They might as well rub soime salt into my scars too.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
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jamesdean

Guest
I spent two years out of my adult life single n believe me I didnt have any problems with my own company I was never ever looking for relationships but they have always found me so I speak from experience n not just through the luxury of having a beautiful relationship.

I think the fact is until you are wholy comfortable with loving yourself it is difficult trying to love anyone else.

Relationships have to be worked at and there has to be lots of given take n compremises,all to often people have ideals n it dosent work like that its great having the love n companionship but theres awful degrees of pain n hurt,which most people give up over one little argument.

I was told my expectations are to high.Idont think thats such a bad thing.

I was also told that I wasnt very aproachable.

my mum kept telling me that sex was just a bodily function.

I had no love from my father ever.

I had no idea how to conduct a relationship,The first person that I truly loved beat me up evryday for two years I was so badly scared black n blue and mently I have a mh condition n physical disabilities but I always remebered my nans words there is someone for everyone she wasnt in a relationship when she told me that my grandad was dead,I didnt even like my presentbf very much when we first meet n now we are almost in our 16th year together, so I talk from experence there is someone for everyone,it isnt a throw away statement but you have to be ready in yourself to acept someone into your life warts n all.

If I had my life over again I would of remained single until I was at least 40,I'm nearly 50 now n I'm only just begining to know my own mind. All those wasted years pre the last 15 on stupid pathetic relationships that only ened up with me in a psych hospital people cabbage ingmy head telling me they loved me non sense.
IMO JD
 
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telemetry9

Guest
There's a lot of good experience in these posts. A lot of lessons learned and hearts broken.

I think your right JD - the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves. It can take a lifetime to get that right as I know I'm still very much learning and I'm 41. Maybe it's about learning to love and for me - God is love, so spirituality is a big part of that equation.

I also think that apotheosis has the reality of the situation in saying that romance isn't for everyone. I try to imagine someone out there for me (lol); but I can hardly envisage this creature - but your right JD - stranger things have happened and we shouldn't close doors.

I could never live with someone again; because my illness doesn't work well with living with another person. ~It slowly begins to erode and bring me down - however well intentioned the person might be I am too damaged to live with someone and all that entails.

I'd like to find someone who loved me and base it in friendship first. We have a saying in Scotland: "if it's for you it won't go by you."

best wishes
robert.
:unsure:
 
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telemetry9

Guest
I just had to say Lost boy - the great thing about being single is looking at the people around you and the relationships they are in. (in no way a reference to you JD as I know you are content in your relationship:))

Tell me how many people out there are truly happy and with the person they are supposed to be with and for the right reasons? Not many of them from my perception.

A lot of people need a relationship in order to feel like a complete person - they are often afraid of being alone. I'm not and I'm told that is a sign of strength and individuality. You might find that relationships aren't all they are cracked up to be once you find one.Unless you are one of those truly blessed people who find the "one".

I believe this blessing of perfect love only happens when we are in balance with knowing ourselves and God and knowing what love is and means. Then I think we have opened the doors to that eternal loving of another as a possibility. We are ready - if you like.

I really wish you the best Lost Boy.

robert.
 
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jamesdean

Guest
I agree with that robert about whos really happy in their relationships people really are in a mess and people only get together because they cannot handle being by them selves.

I think when you would like a realationship rather than needing/wanting one is the better position to be in in life.

Robert please dont think yourself to damaged because you should of seen how damaged I was when I first meet my present bf but he grew on me it was very much like you say friendship at first n really thats whot its all about really being mates,hes become my soul mate.

Relationships are all about balance but I know lots of people with mh that have good relationships
 
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telemetry9

Guest
Thank you JD,

I appreciate your kind words. You remind me that I might be wrong.lol. Just maybe.....;)

robert.
 
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godsent05

New member
Joined
Oct 21, 2010
Messages
1
I don think so

Here are a bunch of empty cliches that people say" Be happy with yourself", love yourself.

These are people who are lucky enough to have had relationships.

I am 28, a virgin, never kissed girl, never had a girlfriend. I have been on a few dates, I have had confidence but never had a girl.

I have been suicidal because of it. I am tired of going to the movies by myself, tired of eating by myself, and the volunteering thing ends and everyone goes to their loved ones.

For 28 years, I have either been rejected or "I have a boyfriend", "Youre not my type".

I am just trying to follow God, and grunt this miserable life out and find something I like doing.

I might die a virgin and never having a woman. Thats just life, its not fair. But I wont lie, I am tired of living life period. I want kisses, hugs and sexual relations like any other man.

Anyone on these forums who tells you, to enjoy being single, or whatever is full of crap. I am sorry, 2 is better than 1.

Going to work, coming to an empty home, going out on the weeknds by yourself is NO FUN. Talking to a damn wall is no fun.
 
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Apotheosis

Guest
Anyone on these forums who tells you, to enjoy being single, or whatever is full of crap. I am sorry, 2 is better than 1.
I agree - & I feel for you - I identify with what you have written - I've been 12 years single. My life is so shit some days that I'd rather be dead.

I try not to moan about it all - But I'm totally sick of people, sick of this society, sick of how people think & their attitudes. I'm sick of it all. I'll probably either end up on the streets; or one of those stories of the mad man who flips out that you read about in the paper.
 
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