- Jan 30, 2019
All my life I have never had to worry about drugs because I always saw it as insignificant and something that a handful of people do and it'll never have anything to do with my life. I lived very happily with this thought in the back of my mind and I could even joke about drugs in a good light. But last year things changed for me quite dramatically. Without going into too much detail, I began to realise that people around me were starting to do illegal drugs. Nobody that I'm necessarily close friends with because I don't have many friends in general. All of a sudden I'm realising that this is something far more normal and common than I expected and I don't like this reality. I don't understand drugs in the slightest and I'm fairly sure it's not the legal issue that frightens me. It's this idea of something normal that I don't understand that scares me the most, but I hate the idea of doing it myself and no matter how many explanations I get, I still don't understand why exactly anybody would want to do such a thing. My fear has escalated dramatically to the point where pro-longed thoughts of such things make me want to harm myself or even take my own life. I can't joke about drugs, imagine them, hear the word "drug" or even take legal medicine without these immense feelings of self hatred and sweating/shaking excessively. I have occasionally had panic attacks due to this, one of which resulted in me calling an ambulance and after having my blood pressure checked I was informed I was at risk of a minor heart attack. My life is constant stress and at this point I'm having panic attacks almost everyday. I just want to know if there's other people out there like myself and how I should handle my situation. Sorry if this was too long. I'd appreciate any and all replies, just please don't mock me.