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Intrusive Thoughts combined with Hyper - Vigilance , OCD, PTSD & ‘other’ Combinations

K

Keesha

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My entire life I’ve been plagued by my distorted thinking due to mental health issues. Some of them I have known about, been diagnosed & treated for. Others I have not.

Narcissism, PTSD, bipolar - schizoaffective disorder, GAD, and some others I’d rather not mention.

My father suffered with OCD badly however I didn’t recognize it in myself since we both express it differently. It wasn’t until I was caring for them recently ( dementia) that I recognized that I probably have a form of it but with complications since I have all the above.

My idea of OCD was a stereotypical one; not stepping on the sidewalk cracks, washing hands many times, checking the door to make sure it’s locked over & over.

With both parents having mental disorders, they consistently looked for what was ‘wrong’ with everything and anything which they disliked and became a habit for them.

When I left home @ 16, I decided to try & do the opposite by looking for what was ‘right’ with everything and anything which l liked. Unfortunately this left me viewing life with rose coloured glasses. Since most of my life is experienced in a somewhat of a hypomanic state, this worked for me.

Unfortunately I don’t always stay in that state due to my other mental health issues. Once others start challenging me I somehow switch over to being defensive and looking for what wrong and once I find something, I don’t let go. I’m like a pit bull latched onto a bone and it becomes obsessive.

In this state I can completely get bent out of shape. Up until recently I didn’t understand that one of the main characteristics of OCD is intrusive thoughts. Until recently I didn’t realize that I probably have this disorder worse than my father but never recognized it.

Today I did some research on this and found this article which I thought was excellent. I’ve looked over the copyright laws that this site HAS to abide by and am hoping that this link is ok to post.

Apparently intrusive thoughts can complicate many other mental health issues. It’s a very interesting read which includes other links and 3 free CBT exercises as help.


Somehow I don’t have any between type of thinking . I’m either looking through rose coloured glasses or hyper-vigilant & suspicious.

Do any others have any of these MH combinations where they end up stuck in a mental loop of frustration?
 
JustMe1982

JustMe1982

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Yeah a lot of that sounds like me but only diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, PTSD and anxiety of what you posted. Probably have a bunch of other conditions if I wasn't so shy with psychiatrist. Sometimes I think that I question myself so much that something started responding and that's why I hear voices.
 
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Keesha

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While I couldn’t really relate to any of the thoughts which were suggested, I thought the ideas presented were worthy of consideration. Once my thinking gets suspicious, it’s like I have this insatiable desire to dig deeper and deeper somehow believing that the deeper I dug, the closer I’d be to understanding my obsession. I never recognized it as an obsession before. One needs awareness before change can be made. My husband had been trying to tell me this for decades.

Until recently I never recognized this for what it was. I merely viewed it as being stubborn and narcissistic in my thinking. For me this is a major breakthrough. With some self reflection there is some awareness of my mental dysfunction, but the combination of these disorders working together was beyond overwhelming. This is one of the biggest lightbulb moments in understanding my thought process I think I’ve ever had in my life and it’s exciting and such a relief.

I’m going to learn those 3 CBT lessons. People deserve the best me possible including me. 🙃

It was a bit scary and intimidating when I first discovered this site. While browsing through all the categories and checking off all the ones that applied to me, I have to admit I felt like a total basket case . Then I considered my age and figured that I’ve made it this far so I must be doing something right. 😅
 
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