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Intrusive thoughts about other people?

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Pixietrixie

New member
Joined
May 20, 2017
Messages
3
Hi all,
my OCD seems to cover so many aspects of my life, parts that can be helped by rituals and compulsions and others that cant, I think pure o maybe. I have had pocd about myself for years and even typing that makes me feel sick, ashamed and tearful. I seem to now have pocd fears surrounding my Husband which feels a million times worse than what I could ever have imagined.

A little back story 5 years ago when I first started dating my Husband I was insecure and wanted to see his pornography collection and so i snooped through and had a look. I was pleasantly surprised to see mostly just naked mature Ladies, and a tame leather fetish going on. He did have one folder named chavs and trashy or something like that. I looked through and most of the women looked mid 20's to 30's which again great, no probs. However 1 or 2 looked very young. one of them just hitting 18 and the other looked younger than 18 to me. At the time I questioned him about this and he invited me to look through all the collection to put my mind at ease, the picture of the girl I believed looked under 18 he even insist I get a 2nd opinion from one of my friends, I did. She laughed and agreed with my Husband the girl 100% looked over 18.

The past 2 weeks my mind has gone crazy, I was triggered by a show a family member was watching about pedophiles. I just keep thinking what if my Husband was intently downloading pics of underage girls? And I keep doing google searches to see if I remember pics and then thinking I do remember them but I don't know if these are just false memories?
I did find one of the pics my Husband had and when I saw it I remembered it immediately but now I just keep trawling through pics hoping to find more I remember but the problem is every girl that looks like she might be slightly under 18 I'm questioning if they're familiar to me and if I saw them on my Husband's pc 5 years ago!
Help!!!
 
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Liana

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
20
Location
UK
Hi! I can 100% relate to this. I do this with myself and it's so so so so tiring.

1) Are you in therapy? I think being able to identity irrational VS rational thoughts is primordial here.
2) Ask other people's opinions as you learn to trust your own judgment. As we learn to let our cognitive distortions exist in our minds without paying attention to them, it's normal that we can't be rational at the start of our re-wiring process. When you have irrational thoughts like these, ask a friend, a parent or someone who knows your partner well for a second opinion.
3) You watched a show on pedophilia and that triggered you to spiral into thinking you were married to a pedophile. That is so troubling for your mind, I'm sorry you're going through that. Your body goes into fight or flight mode, your mind feels guilty because it thinks it's stupid for not having seen the "signs" of pedophilia in that man before, etc. But when you catch yourself having these thoughts, write out the word S T O P in your mind. Or imagine yourself by a curb on the highway, looking at that pedophilia thought as just a car passing by and driving away from you. Thoughts are JUST thoughts, and you have to learn to give them less power. I suggest downloading the app "Headspace", it's GREAT to learn to control OCD thoughts.
4) Talk to your husband about it.
 
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