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Intrusive obsessive thought

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John10969

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2018
Messages
4
Hey everyone,

So I normally have a good psychologist who is trained in dealing with obsessive thoughts but I am choosing to bring this up here as I feel it best to keep this one from her for certain reasons.

To begin, alongside obsessive thoughts, I also deal with addiction. I am currently staying at a sober house. My psychologist is in connection with all staff there at her choosing.

So have been sober from all drugs and alcohol for 7 months besides an an otc called bronkaid which contains ephedra. I take it moderately from time to time to help with increased weight gain from my anti depressants and help control appetite. I eat very healthy and have a good diet.

Recently a couple friends at the sober house started taking bronkaid to get high off the ephedra. I tried it one time and experienced it as well but didn’t take it in such a way after that as it wasn’t very intriguing and also didnt want to start going that route.

Anyways, the other day I thought I saw one of those said friends taking one of my regularly dosed bronkaid but probably only really a 1% chance he did. So I was thinking based on that 1 % I needed to throw away the ones I had thinking they might think I have some and ask why I haven’t been sharing and then buy a new pack and tell them I have bronkaid and they are welcome to some. I have dysfunctional need to fit in sometimes.

Anyways I followed through with this plan and bought a new pack. A day had gone by without them bringing up anything. I realized it was all in my head that I thought he saw me taking some.

Anyways a day later I was with one of my friends watching Tv at night and was obsessing I should bring up I bought some in the 1% chance he still might be thinking it.

So I awkwardly brought up at 9-10 at night that I had some bronkaid. He paused awkwardly, acknowledged me said ok. Then asked when did you buy it? I lied and said I bought it the night before. He was with me most of the time that previous night so it would have had to have been a tight margin of time for me to buy it. So it didn’t seem too plausible but I guess technically possible. Anyways we did some mostly so I could relieve my obsession anxiety and show him I wasn’t hiding anything.

Anyways, I feel like he’s acting somewhat different around me. I feel like
He’s thinking I lied about it and therefore acting differently towards me. Today im extremely depressed thinking he thinks I lied and feels very different about me as his friend and it is plaguing my mood and making me extremely depressed.

So , as my therapist would probably say there’s a 99.9% chance this is all in my head and I’m obsessing needlessly and that he’s 99.9% not thinking about it at all. She would most likely have me label it an ocd thought and distract myself.

But anyways, due to the nature of the topic I wanted to bring it up here anonymously to get it off my chest and also get any possible feedback.

Again, at the end of the day my therapist would most likely tell me im being ocd and just label the thought, don’t engage it, and distract myself.

P.s. - I’m not interested in using bronkaid to get high only to help with weight loss intermittently. The times I have done it are to fit in basically.


Anyways, thanks for any feedback in advance!
 
C

ConfusedNSad

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
122
Welcome!

I have nothing to really add, but I wanted to congratulate you on 7 months sober. 2 days from now (the 11th of September) I will be 2 years sober (I am a recovering alcoholic) so I know how that goes. I also wanted to welcome you to the Forum. There are some really great people here that will help you in anyway they can...even an oddball like myself. I won't give you my whole story but I have a supposedly "rare" disorder...especially for my age and gender. Still, the people here have been nothing but nice and I am sure they will do the same for you. Good luck and I hope you can stay on the sober path. If you need to talk (I know how it feels going through early sobriety) don't hesitate to private message me. I will help you in any way I can, even if it is just to listen. Take care of yourself. :)
 
J

John10969

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2018
Messages
4
Thanks for the warm welcome.

Do you deal with any kind of intrusive thoughts like this?

Personally, would you agree with what my therapist would most likely say which is to label this thought as OCD, label, and distract myself until it dissipates?

That’s what I’m working on doing right now.
 
C

ConfusedNSad

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 26, 2018
Messages
122
Ohhhhh do I EVER have intrusive thoughts...

If you don't mind me telling you--I start fires. Sorry, I can't say the word for it...my heart drops into my stomach when I think it. My thoughts are constantly being bombarded with fire...thinking about it, wanting to see it, NEEDING it. Sometimes it is very very hard to concentrate on anything else, and I have to start a fire to get rid of the thoughts and the compulsion. I think what you're going through sounds like OCD, and distracting is a great place to start. That is what I have to do...I watch television or I go walk around my house. I understand your pain...

Sending tons of love. :)
 
J

John10969

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2018
Messages
4
Thanks bud, sending it back
 
J

John10969

New member
Joined
Sep 9, 2018
Messages
4
Just gotta vent again.

It’s so so hard to let obsessions go when the so called ocd “evidence” keeps displaying itself in my mind, no matter how I distract myself. Like I just finished some school work, watched tv, out to eat right now. It’s just that this friend doesn’t seem to be acting the same around me since this incident I’m obsessing about. Most likely his mood has nothing to do with what I think it does but the fact that it seems like he’s changed his affect towards me lends me to continue to be in pain and obsess.

Uhg. Can’t wait for this to dissipate in whatever way it will. And I hope my OcD thoughts aren’t true here (as 99.999%) of the time they aren’t.
 
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