Introducing Myself

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CallMeDaisy

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2019
Messages
1
Location
SC
#1
Hi. I have no idea what I'm doing, I just came across this site today. Here goes...

I'm 46 yrs old, been married 24 yrs and we have 2 children, ages 19 and 15. I worked as a nurse from 1995 thru 2011. Unfortunately, I became addicted to IV Morphine which led to being fired, arrested and a disciplinary placed on my nursing license in 2008. I stayed clean til 2011 at which time I relapsed by writing scripts for myself. I took a lot of pills in 6 days. Of course, again I was fired, arrested, spent 30 days in jail and voluntarily relinquished my nursing license. I'm now living as a convicted felon. I've been clean since 2011. I'm unemployable, even denied employment at The Dollar Tree. I've destroyed our lives financially and betrayed my family by lying, stealing. The majority of my depression, anxiety, hopelessness and grief come from the death of both my parents in 2016, Dad in Feb and Mom in Sept. My mom had a massive stroke in 2004. My dad and myself had cared for her at home til 2015. They were in a horrible car accident and she had to go to a nursing facility due to amount of care she needed. After my father's death, she begged me to bring her home. I did and she only lived 6 weeks. After her death, her siblings began accusing me of bringing her home from the nursing facility so I could kill her and get her assets. One of her sisters lives 2 houses from me and I haven't seen or talked to her since Christmas 2016. Our family has gathered at her house every Christmas Eve for 46 yrs. I've not been invited or contacted for the past 2 yrs. I'm no longer invited to family gatherings, weddings or birthdays. I'm beyond devastated. I lost my parents and all the people who could still connect me to her, they're the closest I can get to my mom and its over. I've never felt this kind of pain. My husband yells and screams at me for not trying harder to make amends with my family. My son recently told me I haven't been a mother to him for many years. He said he doesn't hate me but he doesn't feel connected to me either. He pulls away when I try to hug, touch or play around with him. He tells me to stop. My daughter tells me how I dont do anything for her. Sometimes I walk into the bedroom, shes been sleeping with me lately, she rolls her eyes and says if I'm coming in the room, shes not staying. I try to joke around with her and she just sits there staring at me with no response at all then tells me not to start acting stupid. She asks me sometimes to take her and a friend to the mall but I'm supposed to sit in the car and wait for them. Her classmates tells her I'm fat and ugly. I rarely leave the house, I don't want to embarrass her.

I'm really sorry, never meant to write so much. Forgive me if I wasn't supposed to be so long-winded.
 
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dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
232
#3
Sounds like you been through a lot. You're no longer using substances, that's an excellent feat and step forward. You need to repair your relationship with your children, and made need support in this. Try looking for local support groups for mothers online, or possibly for recovered addicts, or simply look for activities you could do with other mothers online to help build you a support network of non judgemental non toxic friends. Seek out regular talking therapy for yourself. Your children are at a difficult age and they need you to support them, but you need to support yourself in order to be able to do that.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
3,874
Location
Ireland
#4
Hey Daisy

:welcome: to the forum..

Gosh you have really had a hard time of things recently.... Your situation sounds very difficult...

It sounds to me that you were actually a really lovely daughter to have fulfilled your mom's final wish......to be at home. I think you deserve to be applauded for being so good to her. I can imagine how difficult it must have been when you were just with her yourself... and probably a bit frightening because she was so ill.. well done you :)

It's very sad that you found yourself becoming addicted to the drugs you mention. And also very difficult now that you can't seem to be able to find employment due to 'stealing' the drugs....

While I think that yes the stealing was wrong - I suppose I feel that the addiction was something that crept up on you very slowly and suddenly you just couldn't stop yourself.. And lots of people do relapse....and that's when I suppose family could step in with support...

So it's a real pity that rather than supporting you, they banished you. I understand that some people wouldn't be able to offer the support you needed, but I think that ignoring you and excluding you is worst of all...

Did you ever think about 'why' you started on the drugs? Were you unhappy in your life or depressed....or can you pinpoint anything at all... Just for yourself, not for anyone else.. Maybe looking at this might help you learn to forgive yourself....

Your husband is obviously been absolutely no help at all... Such a shame. Maybe if you could get into therapy and concentrate on 'you' people might realise how hurt you are.

Keep talking to us here too...

I hope today is a better day for you :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
690
Location
Milky Way
#5
Oh my, that sounds like such a lot to deal with :hug:

Welcome to the forum :welcome: