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Introducing myself

G

Guy

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2010
Messages
6
Location
Aberdeen
Hello everyone,
I just joined this forum as my fiancee has, for the last five or six years, been suffering from what appears to me to be a serious generalised anxiety disorder, a phobia of travelling outside our village, anxiety at leaving the house and understandably is depressed about the situation.

I try to be as supportive as I can, but my nature is to be a "fixer". I can fix anything, but I must admit, I'm more than a little stumped with this one:) I also try to be as positive and upbeat, but it's hard to keep that smile going all the time.

I'm ten years older than my partner, and we have a wonderful little boy together, now seven years old. My wife (I call he my wife, though we're not yet married) so wants to have another child, as would I, but we both fear that 1- pregnancy while on medication would not be a good thing, and 2- a second child with a depressed/anxious parent would make things very hard on us as parents, and on the child. Being a decade older than my fiancee, time is also marching on, and I don't want to be a sixty year old dad, still telling the kids to clear up their room! So we'd be struggling with another child if we have it before my partners condition clears up, and also if we have it later than that, I'd be a particularly old parent. This "hopeless" situation is having a big effect on my her - especially as medically there's nothing stopping us having a child right now!

We so want to get married as well, but it would be silly of me to make wedding plans when she can't even sit in the car with me to go to tesco's! Of course, she asks me "what can I possibly love about her", and I have to admit, it's getting harder and harder to answer - which makes me feel awful.

She has had a course of CBT, and seemed to be making progress - then the course ended (14 weeks and then you're on your own!) She is currently on 25mg of Sertraline (after trying and no agreeing with Citalopram, among others).

I was off work last week and often found her sitting around the house in silence while my wee boy was at school. That can't be good for anyone, surely!

She feels terrible that her condition is apparently affecting our relationship, as well as adversely affecting our son's personality.
She's had those thoughts, though I don't think she'd ever do anything silly.

Being a partner of someone with this condition is hard, though i've no doubt it's nothing compared to having the condition yourself. But trying to make sure it doesn't affect our son, at the same time as being the sole breadwinner, certailny takes its toll (maybe I should try a couple of her tablets!).

I'm just looking for a little support somewhere... anywhere! My problem is that I need practical advice to make the situation better, not just the pat on the back and the "hang in there" treatment.

many thanks
Guy
 
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L

Lady Summer Isles

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
923
Location
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE
Hello Guy

Sorry to hear that you are both struggling. It can be equally as hard for the partner/carer. I have been unwell for the last 10 years and it does take it's toll on your relationship. You sound a very caring person.
Does your partner have a cpn or any other kind of support. Your local community mental health may run a carer support group which you could attend. My husband is an ex mental health nurse, so has a good understanding of my condition but even he stuggles. He attends our carer support group and although it's only once a month it gives him somewhere to offload and be with others in a similar position. They also offer a short course of councelling for the carer. You could ask your gp about this. Hope this is of some help. Wishing you both the very best.
Lady T
 
G

Guy

Member
Joined
Mar 29, 2010
Messages
6
Location
Aberdeen
Thanks so much Lady T.

I'll have to check into what support services are available for carers here in Aberdeenshire If they have something, then that would be really great. . Good to know they have them where you are.

best wishes,
Guy
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
923
Location
NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE
I'm hoping they have them too in Fife as we hope to move back their next year. My husband is from Dunfermline. Will be a big move for me so I hope there will be support for both of us. Also I think their is the Scottish Recover network who have a website. There may be something on there.
Take care:)
 
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