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Intro and help/info please

M

mickeygirl80

New member
Joined
Aug 14, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Milton Keynes
Hi, I'm 38, married with 2 young boys. I've had depression on and off (mostly on) for nearly 20 years I think, I cant really remember a time when I didnt have it.

Until recently I'd always 'managed' it without meds but started taking 50mg sertraline last July. I am absolutely useless at taking medication and ALWAYS forget so I cant say honestly whether they were working effectively or not. The first 6-8 weeks were great but then I felt pretty much as I had before, extremely lonely, angry, snapping at children, numb, no motivation, just nothing!!!

For me it presents as just staring at the wall and wishing the day away until bedtime. I've never had a problem either way with my sleep or too much issue with my eating with depression, it's the irritability, anger and complete lethargy that cripple me. I become even more isolated and feel like a brick wall is stopping me leaving. I cancel commitments, I avoid friends, I just stay in and wallow!

Anyway, so in April ish the docs upped my dosage to 100mg but yet again I've been rubbish at remembering to take them :(

We dont have any family nearby (all around 200 miles + away). I do have some good friends but dont feel I can keep going to them for help & support.

My husband is no help really, he has his own issues! He has a very stressful job and relies very heavily on me for support for that and for everything else. He is often away from home socially and with work so I feel alone a lot of the time. I've never been able to ask for help and I really dont say when somethings bothering me, especially to my husband when his head is already full and he says he cant take anything else in, ever! When I had PND after our first he literally said he couldnt cope with hearing it.

Our boys are great but our youngest is 3, is very strong willed, determined and has a speech delay so he is SUPER hard work!

I've recently gone back to work, mostly to provide me with something for me as an escape from being a stay at home mum and a break from my husband :(

So... I'm in a position at the mo where I'm wondering how much of what I'm feeling is the lack of meds, how much is lack of support/loneliness, how much is marital issues and how much is just my personality?? Is this just part of who I am?

I feel very lost!!!
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
43,510
Location
Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. I really do understand (I am diagnosed with bipolar with mainly depressions). I have learnt the hard way to take my meds and on time. I have no choice if I want a relatively 'normal' life. They aren't the be all and end all, but they are really helpful in many ways for me. They got me to a point where therapy could actually help me as in the past I was too depressed to even relate to therapy.

Have you considered therapy at all? I see that you are British - so am I - and there is an organisation called Relate ( https://www.relate.org.uk ) who are excellent therapists and deal with relationship problems. It would be great if you both can go along but they see people on their own too. It could help in so many ways, not just about your relationship and might be worth a look. I don't know where the nearest one to you is though which might be a problem.

Keep talking on here and lets see if we can support you. You are most definitely not alone in these feelings.
 
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