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CaptainKirk

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Innervoice

This is some writing I have done in the past year about the voices I hear, the diagnosis I have and some of the visions and delusions I have experienced. If anyone could offer constructive feedback even if you think it may be hard to hear I would appreciate it.
Thank you

Schizophrenia

I have a different outlook on schizophrenia because I am schizophrenic. I have to have a different outlook because it has effected my life in horrible and in fruitful ways.

Schizophrenia is a illness they now say is genetic. They say it is a problem with the mind from unbalanced chemicals. The medication It seems does work. But there are so many questions left unanswered in my mind. How did they develop this medication? Are the geneticist hallucinating, in ways like I hallucinate? Like many scientists studying the galaxy? Whom in my opinion are hallucinating, example (them talking about how "the dark spot in the sun was created by aliens".)

I believe that the farthest we will ever go in science is to know our selves. Our own conscious, not materialistic BS (cars, space shuttles) which is so minor to the self.

To free your self you must realize your not free. As Americans we have been brainwashed since childhood. I had a realization of this through the mass media, religion, history class, propaganda.


Realizing that my mind is corrupted alike a Christian mind. Although not in the same way as a Christian whom believes that Jesus walked on water. After all we are all sinners of course. But there is no way to be perfect in an imperfect world. It would be impossible for any entity to be perfect. That should be as obvious as it is impossible for any man to walk on water. My mind and many others are corrupted. I know my mind is prone to hallucinations and delusions. Discovering that millions of people believe in this absurd religious dogma, made me feel at ease.

Either way I make lemons in to lemonade. Thru having to work thru interpersonal issues, brought on by schizophrenia. Issues such as religion. I have gained a deeper under standing of self, logic [Religious Dogma], consciousness [Be Here Now], visions [hallucinations], psychology.

Well I am putting in to practice a therapy learned from the late Victor Frankel. Whom went thru the holocaust, a German Psychologist who wrote Finding Meaning in Life. There's an old sang " If it ain't broke then don't fix it" I look at my mind, like a '74 Boss Mustang. It's in need of maintenance more often than most cars. But I enjoy working on it. The beauty of my ride is their is always more work to do on it. And I love working with it. People enjoy themselves while observing the engineering and modifications I made for show and for compensation.

I believe that dealing with my mental condition 'voices' takes great courage. With this condition I am constantly told to caution and to abort my search for reason. As far as being cautioned I find my experience to be like driving a car. Being to cautious will cause accidents and not cautious enough will too. As far as telling me to end my search for reason that's insane. It's like telling somebody with a severed leg not to go to a doctor. Oddly enough a doctor told me to not research psychology and where the voices come from. She has no faith, said I would get confused.

I wrote Psychological harassment trying to come to an understanding of were these voices were coming from and how to stop their negative effects on my psyche.

Psychological Harassment

I am the host meaning the operator of this vessel. When reading this take in to account that I give a lot of references to entities so please realize that I am uncertain what exactly these entities are, and whether they may be humans, alien beings, spirits, human or alien technology, parasites, etcetera. I have not been able to devise a scientific method that is satisfactory in proving to people in my life here on earth that these entities exist any more than as a figment of my imagination, or a debilitating mental illness. As of right now I am uncertain of the entities origin, and unfortunately; I may remain without a definitive answer for the rest of my natural life and possibly longer. I know this sounds like a science fiction story, but for me dealing with these not so pleasant entities is a daily occurrence. Fact, these entity's are attempting to psychologically manipulate my psyche to persuade my thoughts and actions. If you can't understand that this is a fact of life for someone, there is no need for you to read into this any farther. In fact it might psychologically damage you. Multiple entity's talk inside my psyche, the doctors I've seen call these occurrences "auditory hallucinations". Calling the entities I hear "auditory hallucinations" is a term coined by the medical community. This term explains persons who have the occurrences of hearing voices that on earth do not exist to anyone but the person hearing
them. To my knowledge no one hears what I here in my individual psyche. These voices can not be heard by the ear in the earths atmosphere.

There are two kinds of auditory voices. The first being voices in my own personal psyche, which I hear as auditory voices. I will refer to them simply as "auditory voices". These auditory voices are not in my internal monologue, they sound like voices that are coming in from the exterior world; or coming from somebody else's psyche psychically. These voices are male and female unlike the linguistic voices (the "linguistic auditory voices" I will talk about next), which are only male. These auditory voices (as far as I know) only I can hear.

The second is what I call linguistic auditory voices. These voices are auditory, in that I hear them as though they are my internal dialogue. Also they interfere with my external dialogue as well. When talking about how they interfere with my external dialogue I mean they can whisper, talk, shout thru my linguistic channel meaning my mouth. Luckily for me the entities commandeering my linguistic channels do not like to be readily observed. Linguistic auditory voices appeared throughout my young adult life, covertly disturbing my inner monologue. Covertly high jacking my internal monologue is a tactic that is vital to what they call "critical development". Critical development is a devised process, that is meant for the eventual using (much like a pawn in chess or a pipit), or the taking over of a subjects mind and vessel. The catch phrase "critical development" itself sounds like a covert coded dialogue. I haven't heard much of there coded language lately. I'm of the impression that they can't use it because I have pieced so much of it together. In fact when I heard the phrase I had an epiphany, proving to myself that yes I was on the right track. The epiphany was that I had never heard that phrase, nor was the phrase familiar to my accustomed train of thought. During my young adult life I was under the understanding that these voices were my thoughts. Also that these voices were separate from other people and outside entities. Throughout the early years of manhood there repetition of words and phrases made me think I was going insane. I could not stop them from speaking thru my linguistic channels. My therapist's explanation for this was, that there was "a disconnect in my brain". This ideation of the situation by my trained therapist's was unacceptable to me as an individual. I refused to think that I have suffered from this, and will have to suffer from this for the rest of my life; without ever finding a meaning or a cure. With the little bit of knowledge I had about brainwashing and psychology at the time, I began to form my own idea's about the nature of this situation. I had heard that the best way to brain wash people was by repetition of words and phrases. With this information I gained an understanding of what these entities were doing in my linguistic channels. The more I observed them continually repeating disturbing phrase's, the more I developed insight in to there manipulative tactics. It took me years to discover that something or someone was high jacking my inner monologue. When I told my doctor about this he looked at me with cold eyes and said in a stern voice that you are psychotic.

As Steven Marley, son of Bob Marley sang in his album Mind Control "you practice what they preach so your always in there reach". American propaganda is a prime source for these entity's tactical attack's. The propaganda has been closely nit in to are every day lives. The media forms complex situations some fictitious and some plausible that deliver us acceptable social norms. Now I don't know how the scripts for movies, television shows or news reports are selected for sure, but I have my own ideas. The media's value system is not logical in the least. The news, entertainment industry and in institution's especially educational institutions are notorious for promoting propaganda that's absurd and illogical. Patriotic propaganda also has a value system that is not logical. Institutions, media and religions demonize and categorize groups of people in to there own little boxes. Some people, who have not experienced these cognitive, emotional and what seems to me to be paranormal activities might lean toward different explanations. A person who does not understand my point of view might say "Well you grew up watching the media and it made an impression on your conscious.". These people would consider what I'm talking about to be there conscious, right and wrong; innocence or gilt. These entities that I speak of pray off of this propaganda. Maybe because propaganda lies. And if you take a realistic look this has been going on for century's.

I wrote Gestapo Gassing when I had just come out of a hospital. It is about the thoughts and delusions I had while in the hospital.

The Gestapo Gassing, Mind Control Conspiracy

1. Psychic warfare (clairvoyant, mediums)
2. Knowledge is power. The concealment and retaining of the powerful's treasured knowledge is guarded with vigilance.
3. Religion is a key component in keeping people from knowledge and power.
4. Mind control is used to force someone to disbelieve in there experience's. Mind control also is used in propaganda, institutions, Religion, to keep people out of the affairs of the powerful and rich.
- one of the main ways of keeping information from exposure is by discrediting the source of the information or knowledge.
-Also by restricting a source that has valuable knowledge from an interested party.
5. In certain predicaments highly evasive technics for containing or concealing, information or knowledge, can be enacted.
- Discredit and hospitalize the source (or knowledgeable person)
- Work around the law with skeptical business practices. Such as advanced psychological warfare in mental hospitals, which the laws established to combat psychological harassment are ineffective. And there has not been laws enacted to defend patients against some forms of psychological harassment and torture.
- braking the law while evading legal prosecution.
- braking the law by having county mental health workers admit a patient unwillingly and without the proper process, working in collaboration with HCA hospitals. Also having law enforcement officers over extend there authority.
Mind control in mental hospitals with the use of toxic gas.
- the gas creates neurological and physical pain.
- has some interesting subconscious triggers that most of the time successfully stun a man in to submission.
- gas is invisible and sometime unscented
-this gas was sometimes scented so there didn't always have to be gas. Sometimes just a scent would suffice due to the subconscious dynamic and instinctual nature of the mind. The initial stun from the toxic gas and the relation in the mind to the smell of the gas would induce panic and fear in the mind.
- the psychology of how mind control gas works:
1️⃣ The subject in a mental hospital has been deemed incompetent and unfit to maintain life in society.
2️⃣ Hence in that persons realm. their naturally questioning there reality given these circumstances. Which every one around them is telling them that they are insane, therefore a part of them starts to believe they are insane.
3️⃣
- the gassing mechanism is intertwined with the sprinkler system and fire detection system.
- there are high velocity exhaust fans, the sprinkler heads are also gas spewers, motion detectors in common room and in rooms, cameras with facial recognition software and inferred. Lots of gas detectors integrated with fire detectors.
-the mental health industry is a huge money laundering scheme. Laundering money from insurance company's and the federal government (Medicare). Thru huge premiums for medicine and hospital bills.

These are some notes I've jotted down about my experiences and how to make sense of it all.

Aware Subconscious
Linguistic voices and Auditory voices- when talking in a personality's (toung, Channel) you tend to use same pronunciation and dialect even thought pattern.
I developed a tic (possibly from stress).

Visions: Ghosts of the carribian, Visual (eyes open) ghost flying through window, flying black demon, lizards, Psychic Channels, wormholes of the conciseness (circle of life), Zombies, futuristic games, Jesus turning in to skeletore. Strange dream world (Asian Custody), Viper
 
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SarahD

SarahD

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Hi CaptainKirk

Welcome to the forum. There are lots of friendly members who will be happy to discuss things with you and give support and advice.

It is hard dealing with mental illness, isn't it?

I have mainly two types of voices too, external voices and internal ones. I am not sure yet what exactly is the source or what they are. There are so many different possible explanations, everyone seems to believe something different.

We have a Hearing Voices forum, so you may like to post on there, you may get more replies.

Wishing you well, Sarah
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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:welcome: CaptainKirk
 
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