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Interacting with people

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Human1975

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2017
Messages
14
Hi,

I have had to work through a lot of difficulty with relating to other people. I can successfully use coping strategies to make interacting easier.
But it is exhausting to keep it up all the time. It's like there's a commentary going on in my head all the time. "Smile now. Break eye contact. Make Eye contact... Remember to look relaxed....Check body language etc etc".
At my previous workplace there were a handful of people who were suspicious of me. I believe they could see through the strategy I was using. One person in particular was actually uncomfortable around me.
So I am conflicted. I always wanted to be liked. But I think most of us want to be liked for who we are. Not the person portrayed by the strategies. I feel excluded from having a circle of friends because of my ASD.
But I know from a lifetime of experience that I have no natural charisma!
No personality.
So not many people would be naturally inclined to spend time with the real me. I have no friends, nobody ever texts or calls me.
But I'm OK with this now.
I am polite with people, I speak when spoken to and I leave it at that.

I have accepted my situation.

Thanks for reading 😃
 
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Lizbeth

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2017
Messages
11
Hi

I know I don't know you but I don't believe you have no personality. We all have perspectives and interests and unique takes on things, at least when depression or other things aren't in the way. :)

I don't know if this feels relevant to you, but I think sometimes people with ASDs/asperger-type traits can feel so broken, confused and fed up from feeling misunderstood or rejected that they hide parts of themselves away to feel like they're protecting themselves, or to feel more socially acceptable, (avoiding situations/not doing things where they feel the mask might slip) and these latent parts of the self build up and don't get to develop.

We continuously struggle to match the typical narrative of the non ASD person and the society we have to live in, with our own self and experiences of the world. So we get frustrated and confused, can have a lot of self doubt and believe lots of things that aren't actually true. Just my take on it.

Coping with an ASD in a standard work environment must be very difficult. I know this won't improve your situation as such, but you should really congratulate yourself for doing your best in that situation... I know that disclosure at work must be a catch-22 thing.

I think society are gradually exploring what it means to be autistic for different people more and more now -- there's still a long way to go, of course, but we'll get there.

Best of luck :)
 
Last edited:
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Don't be so hard on yourself, it's not all down to you. Some people are better at making others feel at ease than others. Any discomfort you feel around others is simply going to make you even more insecure. Perhaps you find it easier to communicate with others by using other methods. Maybe this is something you could explore. As your confidence grows and you become more at ease, you should find things gradually improving.
 
Rainah

Rainah

Active member
Joined
May 21, 2016
Messages
38
Location
United Kingdom
I know exactly how you feel, I struggle at work to say morning or bye, struggle to make first conversation, I have no friends and when I do make a friend it ends up ending within 3 months or less because I don't know how to deal with the social cues
 
H

Human1975

Member
Joined
Aug 1, 2017
Messages
14
I totally understand your situation.
What used to happen to me was people would distance themselves from me because they viewed me as odd.
One to one, people would chat a little. But if more people came into the room they would distance themselves from me to be with the crowd.
 
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