Looking for hope
- Jul 7, 2021
Four years ago I was a happy, hopeful individual. One day I came home and I started crying and I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders and like I could never stop. Then I started having panic attacks accompanied with all the symptoms, rapid heart beat, hyperventilating, and such extreme terror that after the attacks passed I felt I had been through the wringer. For the next few months I alternated between attacks, sleeplessness and depression until my mother took me to a therapist and psychologist. I could no longer work or drive at this point because my attacks were so severe. All I wanted was to be able to shut off my brain so I wouldn't have to have the terrible thoughts I was having. I was put on medication and regularly saw my wonderful therapist who helped me enormously. Eventually I started to get better but it was a full year before I could start to feel a bit like my old self. Naively once I got better I assumed it had been an unfortunate once in a lifetime experience until I started to have attacks again a couple months ago. I feel like my mind has betrayed me. The terror is debilitating. I wish I could just go back to who I used to be.