Insomnia from dealing with family

Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#1
I have insomnia now because dealing with my family again is so dysfunctional. My mom, who has fallen five times, refuses to use the Life Alert emergency necklace and refuses to receive daily phone calls to check on her. She is very stubborn and I lost patience with her for a minute. Now she's cut me off again. Last time she cut me off it lasted a year and a half. And I was better off not dealing with her.

Plus now I've got my sister in the mix. She adds a lot of kindness towards me which she never did before. But she also tells me stuff like mom says bad things about me. I can't tell whose manipulating me.

All I know is I made a mistake dealing with my mom and ruined any chance of her allowing daily phone calls. I made a mistake and now I can't sleep. Underneath the quiet exterior is the panic of being rejected.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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#2
Hey, Poopy Doll, I wish you were able to give yourself a break. It is not your fault. You've done absolutely everything you can to help your mum. I've read your posts, you've tried so hard.

You are human and had a moment - it's natural when dealing with someone behaving in that way. Please try not to beat yourself up over it. It sounds like your mum has you walking on eggshells the whole time and a lot of control going on there, she has you where she wants you.

I'm sorry you're feeling rejected, that must be very painful. :hug:

Your sister, hmm, I dunno I think it sounds like she is stirring. My mum would ring my sister and make up things that I'd done/said that I hadn't. You sister must know you already know what your mum is like, so what is the point of her telling you what your mum said - it's just doing to upset you.

These sorts of family dynamics are tough. I don't know what the solution is. But you know, if you mum decides not to speak to you because of one time you lost it a bit with her, after all your patience, that is not your doing it is her choice.

I know that doesn't help with your feelings of rejection. But you are not soley responsible for her.

I hope you will be able to get some sleep and forgive yourself. You didn't create this situation. It's not your fault. xx
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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#5
Thanks for writing, TC. It's like I've suddenly walked back into the family drama and I know none of it is real but I'm LOST in it.
very difficult to detach yourself when you care about a person. But maybe best to leave your sister to try and support your mum, for the time being.

I effectively cut contact with my mum after she physically attacked me - I am sure other people judged me for it as she was by this time old, ill, frail (but not too frail to attack me, haha) - but I had to do so for my own mental health. My sister was supporting her so it's not like she had no one.

I just think, it seems like such a power play. Your mum refusing to wear the button and then rejecting the calls as well. If it were me, and I hate people intruding, I would much rather wear the button so that contact would only be initiated in an emergency. So I think her reasoning is something else.

I would try and take a step back. You can't help someone who does not want to be helped and it is obviously impacting on you. I know it is easier said than done though. x
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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#6
I just want these people out of my head. I wrote my mom a real short apology letter. I'm going to print it out and send it USMail. Then I'm going to call on Sunday, assuming the letter got there okay. I'll just chat nicely and give up on trying to protect her. Then her birthday is on Thanksgiving so we may drive up there (an hour and a half) with a cake for her, but it has to be a surprise or she'll say Don't Come. Then I think I'll back off for awhile. Then I think I'll be able to detach. I don't know how I stepped into the attachment so heavy after not speaking to her for two years. So now I have a plan to extricate myself. Thanks so awfully much for writing.
 
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