M
Mikey_205
Member
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2009
- Messages
- 5
Im slightly worried about some of my recent patterns of behaviour. Im 21 and I have periods where I feel really depressed.
I guess the thing Im most depressed about is my lack of any romantic relationship to date. I go clubbing with friends and I have occasional success dancing with girls or kissing or whatever but since its clubbing it doesnt lead to anything. At the time it makes me feel great because Im getting affirmation but within a few days I start to wonder if its only because they were drunk and why I cant seem to get beyond that stage. I have fallen for some of my female friends in the past and asked them out but its never ended well, I seem to place too much value in girls opinions the second they say anything even remotely negative I get really hurt (though obviously I hide it). I guess I feel really insecure about my looks and personality. Sometimes I think Im good looking and funny other times Ill think I look disgusting, weird and boring I cant seem to maintain any self esteem.
Im worried because when I do get rejected or even just if a girl I really like sends out signals shes not interested. I feel like Ive been kicked in the stomach and dont want to be on the planet anymore. Ive never felt like dying just isolating myself from the world completely so that I cant be reminded of it. I used to confide to someone in my family about my insecurities but since Ive been to university I havent been as close. Im also starting to not trust the opinions of those who care about me when it comes to anything related to me. I just think they are saying whatever they say to cheer me up.
I used to escape it by reading and playing videogames and I still do that to a certain extent. But its also started manifesting itself quite badly in the last year or so. Ive started drinking a lot alone, also if something upsets me on a night out I will just disappear suddenly without saying goodbye to anyone. Its like Im trying to avoid dealing with anything that might challenge the shell of confidence I have in myself.
Im also not really sure if being single is a real problem for me or if Im looking for something to be depressed about and its just a mental condition. Is my insecurity symptomatic of being lonely and never having had a girlfriend or am I alone and undesirable because of the moods and insecurity? I find periods where Im busy with work it dwindles but it always re-emerges.
On a concious level I know I shouldnt invest so much in other peoples opinions. Im at a very good university and have been achieving good grades in my exams. Ive got lots of friends who care about me and my family are all really supportive of me. I also know I shouldnt care what girls think but when I feel any rejection this entire perspective just falls away.
Any thoughts?
I guess the thing Im most depressed about is my lack of any romantic relationship to date. I go clubbing with friends and I have occasional success dancing with girls or kissing or whatever but since its clubbing it doesnt lead to anything. At the time it makes me feel great because Im getting affirmation but within a few days I start to wonder if its only because they were drunk and why I cant seem to get beyond that stage. I have fallen for some of my female friends in the past and asked them out but its never ended well, I seem to place too much value in girls opinions the second they say anything even remotely negative I get really hurt (though obviously I hide it). I guess I feel really insecure about my looks and personality. Sometimes I think Im good looking and funny other times Ill think I look disgusting, weird and boring I cant seem to maintain any self esteem.
Im worried because when I do get rejected or even just if a girl I really like sends out signals shes not interested. I feel like Ive been kicked in the stomach and dont want to be on the planet anymore. Ive never felt like dying just isolating myself from the world completely so that I cant be reminded of it. I used to confide to someone in my family about my insecurities but since Ive been to university I havent been as close. Im also starting to not trust the opinions of those who care about me when it comes to anything related to me. I just think they are saying whatever they say to cheer me up.
I used to escape it by reading and playing videogames and I still do that to a certain extent. But its also started manifesting itself quite badly in the last year or so. Ive started drinking a lot alone, also if something upsets me on a night out I will just disappear suddenly without saying goodbye to anyone. Its like Im trying to avoid dealing with anything that might challenge the shell of confidence I have in myself.
Im also not really sure if being single is a real problem for me or if Im looking for something to be depressed about and its just a mental condition. Is my insecurity symptomatic of being lonely and never having had a girlfriend or am I alone and undesirable because of the moods and insecurity? I find periods where Im busy with work it dwindles but it always re-emerges.
On a concious level I know I shouldnt invest so much in other peoples opinions. Im at a very good university and have been achieving good grades in my exams. Ive got lots of friends who care about me and my family are all really supportive of me. I also know I shouldnt care what girls think but when I feel any rejection this entire perspective just falls away.
Any thoughts?