Initiating conversations ?

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firemonkee57

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#1
Something I don't do. I just never know what to say , or when there's an opening to do so. I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you ? Perhaps there's non verbal signs that give you a pointer re initiating,but if there are I'm clueless as to what they are.
 
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firemonkee57

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#2
It's good, but surprising to see, that no one else has this difficulty.
 
B

Boring

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#3
i mean, i usually don't initiate conversations, i guess. i can't remember the last time i had a conversation with anyone outside my home. most, if not all, of my communication takes place online where the topic of discussion is usually already determined long before i start or join conversations.

i used to initiate conversations a lot, but nowadays i feel insecure. i've been ousted from many communities, so i dont like conversing as much as i used to. if anything, i just join conversations online. conversing offline is too unnecessarily endangering for me.
 
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pepsimaxfan

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#4
I am the same, I find it difficult to do the whole small talk thing, sometimes I actively avoid my neighbours to prevent a conversation, or I will see someone I know in a supermarket and try and avoid them because I do not know what to say, and unfortunately I can't hide my nerves very well. The only time I kinda do it is when I have a few beers, feel a little more relaxed.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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#5
I can make a conversation but generally or mostly i notice that the person i am having a conversation with becomes uninterested after like 3-5 seconds?

I hope you don't put pressure on yourself to make conversation. Why can't people start the conversation with you?
 
B

Boring

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#6
well nowadays people are paying for others to talk with them. so maybe money could be a solution. it's probably a shallow solution, but alas.

then there's family that's usually always there to talk with.
 
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Kerome

Kerome

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#7
I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you?
Well you can and people do... it’s normal to approach a stranger with whom you’re initiating a conversation from the front or the side, not from behind. This allows them time to prepare and size you up. Then you open your mouth, start talking and usually ask a question which requires them to respond with more than a yes/no answer.

It helps if you can culture a bit of bonhommie, a general kind of robust friendliness, and leave people with a good feeling after they’ve spoken to you. And surprisingly a lot of people enjoy these kinds of interactions, it makes them feel better.
 
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Twokiwisandabanana

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#8
I a, terrible at this because I have social anxiety but the small talk is all about what's the weather like
Talk about your dog or pet I actually utubed social skills
Asking questions goes a long way then just keep asking questions.
 
Chopsy

Chopsy

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#9
My recent style of living means i meet very few people in the physical, but i don't think i have ever been the type to initiate conversations with others, not since i was a very small child at least.

In the past i would talk alot if given the opportunity & would often incessantly talk to cover-up uncomfortable feelings that i would have around others.

However, i have never had a problem asking others for advice though, so if i need some help i think another can give me through verbal means, i have no issue with going up to them & directly 'asking'.

But talking for 'chit-chat's' sake, i never usually feel the need to initiate, least not for many, many years now.

[Oopps! .... i hadn't realised this thread is in the autism section]
 
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DoctorInternet2

DoctorInternet2

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#10
Something I don't do. I just never know what to say , or when there's an opening to do so. I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you ? Perhaps there's non verbal signs that give you a pointer re initiating,but if there are I'm clueless as to what they are.
Have you been diagnosed with autism? I'm not as bad as that, but I do tend to butt in too fast sometimes to a conversation. What is autism anyway? Can you explain a bit to me so I have a better idea please.
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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#11
Something I don't do. I just never know what to say , or when there's an opening to do so. I mean you can't just go up to someone and start talking to them,can you ? Perhaps there's non verbal signs that give you a pointer re initiating,but if there are I'm clueless as to what they are.
I have mentioned before fm, a couple of books. My friend and I bought a copy for his young son the other day. Although he doesn't need it at all, he's very chatty anyway, but I think it's good to know what's going on, and different environments. I have to chat to customers every work day, but only a few, and only for a few minutes, and now can easily get through this, and with my experience from taxi driving.

I tend to get caught out if they ask something unexpected, but I just answer it honestly, if I can get the words out, or just play up my hard of hearing, or change the subject to weather as default :LOL:

I think I have an advantage though, people talk a lot about awkward silences, but I just don't really see them. I'm happy in silence.

I did a job the yesterday and it was about a 5 minute drop off, but was in the country. I enjoyed listening to the birds, and trying to spot which were which. There were at least 2 that I didn't recognise, so I'm going to look in my youtube category on bird songs :)
 
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Umbrella

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#12
I have Asperger's Syndrome, now called ASD Level 1. If there's something in the immediate environment that is funny to me, I make the observation out loud to the other person.

If it's not funny to the other person, they make an excuse to leave and walk away.

But if I'm lucky, it gets them to laugh. Which relaxes them and gets them talking. Then I just start listening. I ask the other person about what they've just said after every little short while. That gets them to talk more.

Basically having ASD for me means that I'm boring to others, and -- if I want to socialize -- I have to be just the listener.