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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Influences

M

Miliana

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
47
Location
France
Hello everybody I hope you are doing well :)
This is very hard to explain and I am very sorry if it's not the right forum
I am very sensitive, and what people think of everything concerning me is affecting me too much.
I can't enjoy anything like I used to before, if I hear someone say that they hate the show I watch I will stop watching it and copy everything they say. I look critics on social media and cry when someone says that they hate the music I am listening to lately. I stop listening to the music in question and think that this music is terrible and no one should listen to it.
I don't want to be seen as a bad person, I don't know how to like something without caring about others. They might see me as someone bad who likes something terrible.
It's been like that for 2 years, I never had that problem before...
Every day I wake up, and think "you're disgusting" every single morning.
Because I know there is someone that must hate people who look like me.

I feel like there is so much people in my head and everyone has something negative to say about every action that I do, everything I see, everything I used to like.
I can't think by myself
And I don't know how to get rid of these people out of my head....
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
159
Location
UK
Hello everybody I hope you are doing well :)
This is very hard to explain and I am very sorry if it's not the right forum
I am very sensitive, and what people think of everything concerning me is affecting me too much.
I can't enjoy anything like I used to before, if I hear someone say that they hate the show I watch I will stop watching it and copy everything they say. I look critics on social media and cry when someone says that they hate the music I am listening to lately. I stop listening to the music in question and think that this music is terrible and no one should listen to it.
I don't want to be seen as a bad person, I don't know how to like something without caring about others. They might see me as someone bad who likes something terrible.
It's been like that for 2 years, I never had that problem before...
Every day I wake up, and think "you're disgusting" every single morning.
Because I know there is someone that must hate people who look like me.

I feel like there is so much people in my head and everyone has something negative to say about every action that I do, everything I see, everything I used to like.
I can't think by myself
And I don't know how to get rid of these people out of my head....
Hi Miliana.

I totally empathise with you.

Once 'The Crowd' gets into your head - negatively - it is very hard to push it back out.

If your problems are 'socially real' (that is, the Crowd is making a correct judgement) then acceptance is really your only option. There is a sort of freedom that comes with this. You know where you stand and there is no room for the kind of ambiguity that can plague a person's mental health.

If your problems are not 'socially real' (that is, the Crowd agrees that your issues are self-generated) then it's really up to you to develop the strength to fulfill your potential and overcome the restrictions you place on yourself.
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
336
Location
New Zealand
I would give you the biggest hug if I could. I can relate to much of what you have spoken about, and in the past I felt very lost and not really connected to who I am. My biggest piece of advice is to work on building love for yourself; build that self-esteem!!! When you're head tells you you're disgusting, you tell it no, you are beautiful. Say it loud and say it often!!! Perhaps you could find someone, a counsellor perhaps, and find ways to work on your self-esteem. I know for myself, the more I have worked on loving myself, accepting myself and building confidence, those other thoughts and cares about people's opinions have naturally drifted away.
It will take work, but I promise you CAN combat those negative voices in your head. It just takes time, effort, and lots of repetition.
 
Q

quilteddown10

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 26, 2021
Messages
159
Location
UK
I would give you the biggest hug if I could. I can relate to much of what you have spoken about, and in the past I felt very lost and not really connected to who I am. My biggest piece of advice is to work on building love for yourself; build that self-esteem!!! When you're head tells you you're disgusting, you tell it no, you are beautiful. Say it loud and say it often!!! Perhaps you could find someone, a counsellor perhaps, and find ways to work on your self-esteem. I know for myself, the more I have worked on loving myself, accepting myself and building confidence, those other thoughts and cares about people's opinions have naturally drifted away.
It will take work, but I promise you CAN combat those negative voices in your head. It just takes time, effort, and lots of repetition.
That's fine advice but what does a person do who, on carefully 'building' their self-esteem (perhaps many times over), has it constantly pulled down by real-world, social forces?

Not so easy to 'rise above'.

I guess I have come to find that there is little to no space between who others think I am and who I think I am.

It's a tug of war where the rope is 'your description' and the boundary line demarcates 'self' and 'other'.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
8,309
Location
Nashua NH
Hello everybody I hope you are doing well :)
This is very hard to explain and I am very sorry if it's not the right forum
I am very sensitive, and what people think of everything concerning me is affecting me too much.
I can't enjoy anything like I used to before, if I hear someone say that they hate the show I watch I will stop watching it and copy everything they say. I look critics on social media and cry when someone says that they hate the music I am listening to lately. I stop listening to the music in question and think that this music is terrible and no one should listen to it.
I don't want to be seen as a bad person, I don't know how to like something without caring about others. They might see me as someone bad who likes something terrible.
It's been like that for 2 years, I never had that problem before...
Every day I wake up, and think "you're disgusting" every single morning.
Because I know there is someone that must hate people who look like me.

I feel like there is so much people in my head and everyone has something negative to say about every action that I do, everything I see, everything I used to like.
I can't think by myself
And I don't know how to get rid of these people out of my head....
Hi Miliana, have you tried therapy for these challenges? A good therapist will help you question your natural responses and work toward changing them to responses that are healthier or suit you better. Since media and social media are such a pervasive part of our lives it seems like this might have a lot of sway over how you think about yourself to the negative and that’s not healthy. I think working with a therapist to counteract some
of this would be ideal. He or she can help you to desensitize yourself so you are not as bothered by these influences and when you are affected by them you are affected in healthy ways. xo, j
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
336
Location
New Zealand
That's fine advice but what does a person do who, on carefully 'building' their self-esteem (perhaps many times over), has it constantly pulled down by real-world, social forces?

Not so easy to 'rise above'.

I guess I have come to find that there is little to no space between who others think I am and who I think I am.

It's a tug of war where the rope is 'your description' and the boundary line demarcates 'self' and 'other'.
I don't have the magic answer unfortunately, it just take a lot of time and a lot of work. I have had to work very closely with a professional for a long time and part of this process of building up my self worth included discovering what damaged it and healing that too. We're all different and I suppose there's not a 'one-answer-fits-all' but was just hoping to offer something that may help someone in some way.
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
Hello everybody I hope you are doing well :)
This is very hard to explain and I am very sorry if it's not the right forum
I am very sensitive, and what people think of everything concerning me is affecting me too much.
I can't enjoy anything like I used to before, if I hear someone say that they hate the show I watch I will stop watching it and copy everything they say. I look critics on social media and cry when someone says that they hate the music I am listening to lately. I stop listening to the music in question and think that this music is terrible and no one should listen to it.
I don't want to be seen as a bad person, I don't know how to like something without caring about others. They might see me as someone bad who likes something terrible.
It's been like that for 2 years, I never had that problem before...
Every day I wake up, and think "you're disgusting" every single morning.
Because I know there is someone that must hate people who look like me.

I feel like there is so much people in my head and everyone has something negative to say about every action that I do, everything I see, everything I used to like.
I can't think by myself
And I don't know how to get rid of these people out of my head....
God, Miliana, that really sucks and I can relate. I am just happy I'm older and haven't ever gotten into social media--it is such a haven for judgment and negativity. I'd steer clear of it as much as you can, or stick to sites like this where people are supportive. My dad's critical voice is always in my head--I just came in from doing yard work and the entire time I was hoping to have some "zen" being outside, I had his voice in my head criticising my every move. It's hard to get past that once it starts, but it is possible w therapy, like the others have suggested. I'm just starting DBT again and therapy like this that helps you break that chain of thought can work. It worked for me before, then I fell apart again. But getting back on it.

You can have a better life, and I don't know your age, but a lot of it comes w age, not caring as much what people think. I don't know how teenagers and younger people deal w all the shit online, it is really hateful sometimes, and at that age can be so damaging. I'd listen to the music and tune out the social media. Agree that a good therapist would be helpful in getting to an easier space (never perfect, but easier).
 
Twinkle Toes

Twinkle Toes

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 11, 2020
Messages
408
Location
somewhere out there
I can kind of understand what you mean. I have autism and when I was a child I was constantly encouraged to copy 'the normal kids' to know how to behave appropriately.

At school others would mock my walk, my speech, the pop groups I liked everything and like yourself I became very hyper-aware because at that age I was just desperate to be accepted so people would leave me alone.

I had no sense of self because everything I was, was everything everybody else wanted me to be, my fav group were 'whatever was popular' my hobbies were 'whatever was appropriate for my age' despite the fact that as someone with autism I was emotionally younger and secretly really liked other things also had things I really needed to do to de-stress (eg hand flapping, It became a secret thing I could only do if I went to toilets or in my bedroom at home).

My bedroom became the only place I could 'be myself'. I developed 'alters' who performed in public, acting normal, shy, quiet but age-appropriate so people just left me alone until I could get home to be myself again!. It does affect you for years..I'm in my 50's now have had several alters throughout my life, can still only be myself when home alone cos I know the things I like aren't 'age appropriate' ..for example I love zelda on the Switch, when a friend from college used to visit I used to hide it and colouring books etc and listen to her talk about babies and kids cos normal women our age were married and had kids and talked about shopping and what the kids were doing endlessly! I'd be bored stiff.. and hoping they wouldn't want another cuppa, would pretend my back was bad, in pain, needed to lie down anything to shorten the experience. As soon as they left I could relax, get the console back out!

tbh I've loved the lockdown cos I've had no pressure to have to do 'normal boring adult stuff' cos I told people I had to shield due to medical issues! I've felt more myself over the last year than I have my entire life!
 
M

Miliana

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
47
Location
France
I can kind of understand what you mean. I have autism and when I was a child I was constantly encouraged to copy 'the normal kids' to know how to behave appropriately.

At school others would mock my walk, my speech, the pop groups I liked everything and like yourself I became very hyper-aware because at that age I was just desperate to be accepted so people would leave me alone.

I had no sense of self because everything I was, was everything everybody else wanted me to be, my fav group were 'whatever was popular' my hobbies were 'whatever was appropriate for my age' despite the fact that as someone with autism I was emotionally younger and secretly really liked other things also had things I really needed to do to de-stress (eg hand flapping, It became a secret thing I could only do if I went to toilets or in my bedroom at home).

My bedroom became the only place I could 'be myself'. I developed 'alters' who performed in public, acting normal, shy, quiet but age-appropriate so people just left me alone until I could get home to be myself again!. It does affect you for years..I'm in my 50's now have had several alters throughout my life, can still only be myself when home alone cos I know the things I like aren't 'age appropriate' ..for example I love zelda on the Switch, when a friend from college used to visit I used to hide it and colouring books etc and listen to her talk about babies and kids cos normal women our age were married and had kids and talked about shopping and what the kids were doing endlessly! I'd be bored stiff.. and hoping they wouldn't want another cuppa, would pretend my back was bad, in pain, needed to lie down anything to shorten the experience. As soon as they left I could relax, get the console back out!

tbh I've loved the lockdown cos I've had no pressure to have to do 'normal boring adult stuff' cos I told people I had to shield due to medical issues! I've felt more myself over the last year than I have my entire life!
Hello and thank you for answering!
I wanted to say that the lockdown was an amazing period for my life too, I felt that I became what I always wanted to be and enjoyed what I wanted, but then the situation got overwhelming unfortunately and my mind is still stuck, one year later :/

And I really understand what you mean about the alters that you created, I do the same things but it follows me everywhere.
I feel like there is always a crowd of people in my room and I try to act perfect..
 
M

Missionready

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
132
Location
Usa
Hello everybody I hope you are doing well :)
This is very hard to explain and I am very sorry if it's not the right forum
I am very sensitive, and what people think of everything concerning me is affecting me too much.
I can't enjoy anything like I used to before, if I hear someone say that they hate the show I watch I will stop watching it and copy everything they say. I look critics on social media and cry when someone says that they hate the music I am listening to lately. I stop listening to the music in question and think that this music is terrible and no one should listen to it.
I don't want to be seen as a bad person, I don't know how to like something without caring about others. They might see me as someone bad who likes something terrible.
It's been like that for 2 years, I never had that problem before...
Every day I wake up, and think "you're disgusting" every single morning.
Because I know there is someone that must hate people who look like me.

I feel like there is so much people in my head and everyone has something negative to say about every action that I do, everything I see, everything I used to like.
I can't think by myself
And I don't know how to get rid of these people out of my head....
Imagine a world where everyone liked or did the same thing. Kind of boring, huh? It's s the differences that make everyone unique.

If someone doesn't like something you're watching on TV, or listening to, that doesn't make you bad in any way, shape, or form. That's just their opinion. You are free to be your own person. Like what pleases you. Dislike what displeases you.
 
Twinkle Toes

Twinkle Toes

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 11, 2020
Messages
408
Location
somewhere out there
I only need alters in front of other people, when I'm alone I'm just myself...its just me and the dog doing what we want, not what other people say we should be doing!

The Indian variant seem to be hitting our shores, cases have tripled but still the PM is going ahead with plans to 'unlock' further on Monday, because 'they say' they don't know yet for sure whether it will evade the vaccines!

I've no intention of being one of the first to find out! ..I'm staying away from people (still!) ..other than slipping out really early to walk my dog and so I pass as few other people as possible..I don't go out! The parks etc fill up quick with everyone out on their right to exercise in public cos the gyms are closed!

I liked the first lockdown when they closed the car parks too and you couldn't leave your area, cos I live in quiet village near a nature reserve so when they shut the car parks I slipped through by a bridleway I could get my mobility scooter down and we had the whole place to ourselves!! ..got some great wildlife pics which I then sketch and watercolour back home...but they left the car park open during the last ones so thre's literally cars parked up in the dark waiting for 'first light' to go round! (there's no lighting on the paths) Since the pubs were allowed to open (serve takeaway drinks) too its packed there by 10am with ice cream and hot dog/burger vans going there to park up too!!!

I've lived here years (over 10!) and its never been so busy!! Literally people are like sheep (or lemmings!) one person posts on SM that they are making sure they get their 'allowed' exercise at x place and the next day, half the county is parked there walking round!!! :scared:
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
I only need alters in front of other people, when I'm alone I'm just myself...its just me and the dog doing what we want, not what other people say we should be doing!

The Indian variant seem to be hitting our shores, cases have tripled but still the PM is going ahead with plans to 'unlock' further on Monday, because 'they say' they don't know yet for sure whether it will evade the vaccines!

I've no intention of being one of the first to find out! ..I'm staying away from people (still!) ..other than slipping out really early to walk my dog and so I pass as few other people as possible..I don't go out! The parks etc fill up quick with everyone out on their right to exercise in public cos the gyms are closed!

I liked the first lockdown when they closed the car parks too and you couldn't leave your area, cos I live in quiet village near a nature reserve so when they shut the car parks I slipped through by a bridleway I could get my mobility scooter down and we had the whole place to ourselves!! ..got some great wildlife pics which I then sketch and watercolour back home...but they left the car park open during the last ones so thre's literally cars parked up in the dark waiting for 'first light' to go round! (there's no lighting on the paths) Since the pubs were allowed to open (serve takeaway drinks) too its packed there by 10am with ice cream and hot dog/burger vans going there to park up too!!!

I've lived here years (over 10!) and its never been so busy!! Literally people are like sheep (or lemmings!) one person posts on SM that they are making sure they get their 'allowed' exercise at x place and the next day, half the county is parked there walking round!!! :scared:
Are you in the UK? I'm worried as well about what the US is doing now, no masks and everything opening just as the variant is wiping out so many, and our cases are still pretty high around me. A lot of anti-vaxxers around here...feeling like we're just setting ourselves up for failure again...
 
M

Missionready

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
132
Location
Usa
The CDC is saying that people who are FULLY vaccinated don't need to wear masks in SOME places, not all places.
 
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