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Infatuations as possible symptom of bipolar

chesya

chesya

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When I was hospitalised in France on the questionnaire that formed part of the diagnosis process was whether I was prone to 'chagrin d'amour' or the pain of love. The answer was an emphatic yes for me since my earliest memories when I fell in love with the fictional Alice in Wonderland at the age of three.

My life has been blighted by these fixations and they've often got in the way of friendships and even proper day to day functioning. Currently I'm the on the point of having a very constructive web association blighted by deep feelings of love and longing for someone I don't really know.

My brain knows that it's probably projection onto a fantasy version of that person but this knowledge doesn't seem to help that much.

In fact in writing this post, I realize that she's not at all that important. It's just the feelings are so wild and profound, it's even making me cry while I write.

I wondered if anyone else had suffered from this and/or found any answers as to what's it about and how to get it under control.
 
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Dollit

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Being bipolar I understand this. I can't honestly say that I've ever been in love but I do leap into relationships and find that they really have no substance - and then I stay with them. My consultant says that bipolar people live with every emotion, sensation, feeling as if under a magnifying glass - we don't feel sad, we get suicidal; we don't get happy, we get high - and maybe we don't always fall in love we just obsess, maybe.
 
chesya

chesya

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Location
Cornwall
Being bipolar I understand this. I can't honestly say that I've ever been in love but I do leap into relationships and find that they really have no substance - and then I stay with them. My consultant says that bipolar people live with every emotion, sensation, feeling as if under a magnifying glass - we don't feel sad, we get suicidal; we don't get happy, we get high - and maybe we don't always fall in love we just obsess, maybe.
Thanks. Yes, that makes sense, I'm completely obsessed to the extent I can no longer conduct a sensible conversation with someone whom I seem have a lot in common and genuinely like. It seems a shame to end a friendship with someone who shares a very unusual interest with me, but it's so uncomfortable that I may have to end it.

The difficult decision is getting a grip by drastic action like ending the friendship or just trying to think 'it's the illness' and to lick it by trying to carry on normally. On top of this I have the bipolar tendency to go for extremes of actions. I'm firghtened I'm going to end the friendship upset her only to regret it two days later and want her back. I did this once and the infatuation was redoubled when she, offended by the initial rupture didn't want to restore the friendship.

How does a person you leap into the relation with seem before and after? (Please ignore if this if this is an impertinent question)
 
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Dollit

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My last partner was totally bemused when I told him I hadn't loved him for years. He tried to keep in touch for a year afterwards, convinced that I really loved him. He really believed that what I said and did was love - but maybe that says a lot about him. I've just recently told a friend I love them and I mean it and I'm pleased I know the difference. But it's hard. I'm looking at making a lot of good friendships and perhaps letting that sort of relationship go for a while.

Why not try spending less time with your friend and seeing how it feels?
 
chesya

chesya

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But it's hard. I'm looking at making a lot of good friendships and perhaps letting that sort of relationship go for a while.

Why not try spending less time with your friend and seeing how it feels?
It's strange what you've said on both counts has been buzzing around my head. Having someone's else's wisdom confirm them helps a lot.

1) I've just ended an off-the-scale destructive marriage and should be in rest mode as far as sexual partner type relationships are concerned

2) I've managed not to contact my friend for just over 48 hours, so I've made a start on just taking a break from the heartache. It'll probably take the pressure off the friendship and might make it more pleasant for her when we do talk again.

Thanks this stuff was really upsetting me and I feel a lot better - I hope people around here tell you how helpful you are :)
 
Lozzi_1004

Lozzi_1004

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this makes a lot of sense too me and i cant believe ive never picked it up before!
i hope everything goes well with you and your friend chesya and dollit is a mountain of wisdom indeed :) and very very helpful
 
chesya

chesya

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I'm proud of myself that I did not contact or make myself available for contact with the person I am infatuated with last night. The replies given me yesterday for this thread helped immeasurably in achieving this. Thank you.

It's not a permanent solution to this particular situation or my general problem of infatuations, but it's a start in getting a measured response to the situation together.

If our genders were reversed and she was a man and I a woman, I think I would want to get myself pregnant by her. I think she's so fantastic. In the back of my mind I can see her still as the valued friend she is in reality and don't want to give this up because of my wild feelings, if I don't have to.

I'm aiming for a week without contact and am reporting to myself here on a daily basis :)
 
herbie

herbie

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wow. That's something I hadn't thought of before. I've definitely had relationships like that in the past.
 
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Dollit

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As a result of this thread I've reassessed one of my relationships and rang him this morning to say we can be wonderful friends but just friends. It hurts like hell but that's because it's actually the right thing to do. But when we talked we were honest and realised that we could become obsessed and infatuated and destructive and neither of us wants that. I think I've just become an adult.
 
chesya

chesya

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As a result of this thread I've reassessed one of my relationships and rang him this morning to say we can be wonderful friends but just friends. It hurts like hell but that's because it's actually the right thing to do. But when we talked we were honest and realised that we could become obsessed and infatuated and destructive and neither of us wants that. I think I've just become an adult.
Just to comment on the 24 hours I've known you here, I'd say you make a wonderful adult.

Not my hypomania speaking, honest :p, but my lucid side.

I mean it and the fact that you admit to weaknesses in this way just reinforces that. Your comments have already proved a great help for me in dealing with this problem. It's something that I've always found really difficult and stunted a very real potential for real productive and loving relationships. (Whatever they are - and how do I know anyway?)

I can relate to the hurts like hell bit, too; I'm sorry for your pain.
 
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Dollit

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Thank you it does mean a lot to me to hear you say that.

Compounding this today is the fact that a fairly new friend has been told to leave Bristol this weekend and it's in extremely unfair circumstances. We've swapped numbers so we can text but he was my guaranteed hug when I went into town and I'm going to miss him!

Love is wonderful but it is too painful for words somedays.
 
chesya

chesya

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Writing *hugs* seems so pathetic in the light of your coming loss and given that I don't know you well enough to have earned the right to hug you, but would

*beaming my best possible hug thoughts*

do?

Suffice to say, if I were near you I would want to give you a hug right now.
 
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Dollit

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Thank you for the hugs - I'm hurting a lot right now and have 24 hours to get myself together before a tough meeting tomorrow night and I feel bereft. xx
 
Libra1

Libra1

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Hi Chesya and :welcome: to MHF :) Glad to see you posting and finding your way around.

Hope you make a lot of new friends here, you will find help and support from everyone :)

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:
 
chesya

chesya

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Thank you.

I'm giving my daily report to myself. I'm keeping my reports on this thread because they may shed light on the problem in general and in the hope that it won't discourage anyone posting their thoughts and experiences on this topic. I don't want it to turn into Chesya's Unrequited Love Thread.

Unfortunately I weakened. :unsure:

She messaged me at unusual time, so I wasn't invisible on Yahoo messenger. We didn't have time to say anything much.

I then made myself available to her at our normal time and we talked about nothing much for 20 minutes. It was like sipping nectar from the Gods, like Apotheosis's description of Art on another thread. I was in heaven for an hour or so before the unrequitable longings began to take over.

I think the magnifying glass analogy applies here. I must genuinely like and appreciate her. I do fancy her from what I know of her appearance, but I do a lot of people.

I have told her that I'm infatuated and that it's probably something to do with BD. She's seems to have taken it in her stride and thinks it's to do with the thrill of finding an amazing new friend. She says she thinks I'm amazing too, but she's spoken for in real life. She would have taken my week's break had I succeeded I her stride too without telling me. She's philosophical about internet associations. Maybe I have a lot to learn from her.

I guess it's about focussing on keeping it a normal friendship. Accepting the joy and pain, but keeping my thoughts clear.

Just being able to share my thoughts and feelings here is a great help.
 
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