• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Indulge in the raging glory of my tragic story; I'm new here and to internet forums in general.

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Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
Years of being cast in the ravages of my seemingly arbitrary brain-chemistry have rendered me a cynical, jaded and terribly pessimistic individual. I rationally believe to have insight into my inner workings and behavioural patterns, but still am unable to change, leaving me idle, complacent, without career or social ambitions.
"I can feel the wheel, but I can't steer"-Alice in Chains_Sickman
That quote I feel is quite befitting for my current condition.
Months of social isolation out of obvious reasons and caused by a general feeling of social inadequacy have led me to try connect with like-minded individuals. I'd like to use this very forum as a means to share experiences and hopefully provide some advice and general helpfulness as well as receive some insight and empathy from others in case you consider me deserving of such.
 
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marco1066

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
5
Location
u k
hello from the UK, hope you find your everyday happiness soon,this locked down world can not last forever surely?
 
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Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
Well, thanks for the reply first of all!
Hello from Germany! :)
I genuinly hope you find your peace of mind too.
The thing is, that the whole pandemic situation only showed me, what could have been if I acted earlier and had risen above my fears, what I could have achieved. If this pandemic situation is resolved eventually I just fear that I remain tired, pessimistic and isolated and only ponder the things I could possibly do, while they seem like an inconceivable fever dream, which shall not manifest.
I just can't keep on living this way!
The patg for an available therapist has been riddled with trials of diagnosis and labeling but I have yet to receive any actual help yet. Meanwhile my hope declines and I wonder if a thing such as therapy even exists.
 
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Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
15,997
Location
Nowhere
hi Metanoia

yes don't give up hope, there is real help out there
not always easy to find
but you have put your foot in the water here
and hopefully people will come up with some leads for you

I have been where you are , feeling so lost

welcome to the forum
:welcome: :grouphug:
 
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marco1066

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
5
Location
u k
Germany always seems to be a place of opportunity,what kind of life do you want for yourself?
 
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Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
hi Metanoia

yes don't give up hope, there is real help out there
not always easy to find
but you have put your foot in the water here
and hopefully people will come up with some leads for you

I have been where you are , feeling so lost

welcome to the forum
:welcome: :grouphug:
Thanks for the lovely reply Zoe :)
Well I'm just sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I'm afraid to even express or think about what I desire from life. I'm so pessimistic and cynical at times, like a crying jester shedding jester's tears, for all those wasted yesteryears.
Money and status are nothing to me. Many people can at least mold their aspirations around that.
I harbour divergent values like an appreciation for people, arts, music, nature and nuanced dicussions. I set out to find like minded people and I had no luck as of yet. I didn't exactly make corrective experiences that convinced me of the good in people... I fail anything I touch and everyone fails me. I don't have any remaining friends and I feel cold and emotionally indifferent most of the time.
 
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Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
Germany always seems to be a place of opportunity,what kind of life do you want for yourself?
Thank you for asking! :)
Yes it certainly is.
But I am overwhelmed by the vast ocean of possibilities. I just don't know career wise... I want some great friends and a relationship, engage in creative endeavours and have a job I can identify with and feel like I achieve something valuable to society with.
 
one light

one light

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2020
Messages
727
Location
England - Up North
Welcome here - this caught my eye "I can feel the wheel, but I can't steer" - 'research power of the mind' - might be something there that might help... good luck...
 
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Smartbutdumb

Member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
23
Location
India
Years of being cast in the ravages of my seemingly arbitrary brain-chemistry have rendered me a cynical, jaded and terribly pessimistic individual. I rationally believe to have insight into my inner workings and behavioural patterns, but still am unable to change, leaving me idle, complacent, without career or social ambitions.
"I can feel the wheel, but I can't steer"-Alice in Chains_Sickman
That quote I feel is quite befitting for my current condition.
Months of social isolation out of obvious reasons and caused by a general feeling of social inadequacy have led me to try connect with like-minded individuals. I'd like to use this very forum as a means to share experiences and hopefully provide some advice and general helpfulness as well as receive some insight and empathy from others in case you consider me deserving of such.
I am sorry you have been in that zone. I can relate. Even though I have been trying to get out of that jadedness, I think I am doing a very poor job of it. I'm here for pretty much the same reason you are. If there is anything I could do...
 
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Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
I am sorry you have been in that zone. I can relate. Even though I have been trying to get out of that jadedness, I think I am doing a very poor job of it. I'm here for pretty much the same reason you are. If there is anything I could do...
Thank you! :)
I like your username by the way!
I feel that way at times...
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
15,997
Location
Nowhere
sounds like you might have envisaged your friends
the way you hope for them to be
when in fact I have to accept people as they are
and appreciate how they are different from me


:grouphug:
 
M

Metanoia43

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 13, 2020
Messages
55
Location
Germany
Welcome here - this caught my eye "I can feel the wheel, but I can't steer" - 'research power of the mind' - might be something there that might help... good luck...
Thanks for the suggestion, I love that song lyric and I'll look into power of the mind!
 
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