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Indifference towards non-imaginary experiences and conversations

A

Aleksander

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Austria
Hello everyone,

I am new and would like to ask whether someone else had experiences I have and maybe how to cope with them. I am a twenty-one year old male, who has friends that exist only for myself in my imagination. I am not haunted by this people and there is almost never the problem to distinguish between the real world and my imagination, but everything beside those fictional companions gets more and more frustrating and estranged.

I think I was a strange, quiet and emotionally vulnerable child with very special interests nobody shared. It began when the surrounding people noticed me talking to myself (I think when I was 15 years old) and refusing to go out with my classmates and friends but instead having the desire to be left alone. A doctor eased my mother saying I am a teenager with underdeveloped interests for my age, imaginary friends are not abnormal for children and that would fade, when I find people with the same fondness as I have. However that never happened although I am studying engineering, so I am encircled by nerdy and odd people.

Time went on and I still never had that one real friend to share everything with. I am somehow socialized, but only to do special activities like learning together or doing sports. While feeling to be forced to act as a fake when spending time with real persons my mind slid off more deeply in that problem. For a few years I have an imaginary girlfriend. I know it is absurd and even comical, however she is the only one who likes me for being how I am: shy, introverted, untalkative and sentimental and not for being smart, reliable and achieve something. When I come home late in the evening I pretend to be wanted and warmed by her presence and when I go to sleep, I hug my pillow and imagine cuddling with her.

Here is the thing: I feel more and more unaffected by the real world and do not care about the issues of the society I am living in. I began forgetting what real people did or said to me very fast or even not noticing the content of what is said, though I remember the conversations within my fantasies in very vivid way. Often when walking through a pedestrian zone of a city I feel offside the common happening. Someone else is walking at this moment, numb and distant from the disordered motion of the other people.

My therapist (he is the only one) knows all this stuff and encouraged me to participate just a little bit in real social life. I tried out activities I am perhaps interested in or spend time with other people to fill my social life. Recently I have been asked out by a real girl and one of my male fellow students persuaded me to give it a try, but sadly I felt like being unfaithful and wished to just run away. An attempt to actively end “daydreaming” went totally wrong and I ended up with intense symptoms of loss and lovesickness. I feel empty and distracted in our reality and experience indifference towards anything beside my study and imagination. My life represented by a complex valued series seems to converge against a purely imaginary limit on the complex plane…

Has anybody experienced living everyday REAL life in such an unaffected and derealized way? If so, I would be happy to know what possibilities there are to escape this.

Thank you!

Kind regards,
Aleksander (of course not a real name)
 
Yumemimari

Yumemimari

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Apr 24, 2021
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2
Location
America
Hi Aleksander!
I also have same problems in some of them.I forgot the real world and not even being able to care or feel like I should care.I have been forgetting if my memory was a dream or just never happened.I feel numb overall and cant really have the courage over anything. I have been trying to have small talks with my parents or seek help from online. To keep myself in the real world while communicating I try to imagine it as Im in my own world and talking them through my world.I still couldnt find an exact solution but this is going well I would say. If Im talking to my dad I try to imagine our talking as if its happening in my own world.This helps a bit.
 
S

strawberrywater

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Feb 24, 2021
Messages
122
Location
United States
Welcome to the forums 🙂
I have experienced this somewhat too. For me, I've mostly had crushes on celebrity men and fictional characters more than I ever have real men. I had 2 real relationships, so at least I know I can do that. Still, I kind of prefer having a crush on a celebrity mainly because I am not a social person, naturally. I am very much an introvert and get exhausted easily by being around people - even 1 other person. So I'd rather watch a show that has someone I like, rather than go out on a date with a real man. I don't know if this is strange to others, but I remember that there's many people on Earth who prefer the single life.

But I've made up people and scenarios in my head, which I often think about while I'm out in the real world -- however I've turned it into writing stories. The key is sharing the stories with real people, so that I'm not wrapped up in my own world all the time, to the point of disliking real life.

Talk to your therapist about his/her opinion on making your people into stories or expressing them through other creative outlets. It might be tricky, because it can either help you to detach from them, or it might make you even more reliant on them. I don't know, which is why I say talk to your therapist 🙂 To me, it sounds like you're highly creative and you could benefit by expressing it and sharing your creations with real people.
 
M

ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
Messages
895
Location
Argentina
Kind of relate to what you told. Not about imaginary friends, but I also "live inside my mind" and feel "transported with my imagination", all due a lack of real social interaction, and lack of real experiences.

Its like: if I cant do the things I want in reality, Im gonna have to imaginate them.

Im not that absorbed as you tell, but I think I understood what you told.

My advice is that save your fantasies for yourself, but also try to get what you want in real life. I mean, dont get stuck in the fantasy and because is reconfortating think its ok to stop caring of the real world.

Or at least take breaks, to analyse the real world and know where are you stand.

Try to fix the problems you have in the real world. Dont get only with the fantasies because are warm, you could regreat in the future.
 
Beta012

Beta012

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Mar 12, 2021
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67
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Hello and welcome to the forums Aleksander,
I never have had an actual in real life friend myself due to being avoided by nearly everyone I've ever encountered so I know what the feeling is like. Most of my friends have been ones in my mental space (they don't like saying they're made up though as to them they had actual lives with trauma that they went through before they became a part of me; also all of them are male due to myself being transgender). I always talk to them after they get me out of my nightmares since I never physically see or hear them in the day. They have since ended up as system members that essentially are active consciously instead of myself when I get too overwhelmed and need to take a break so I get black outs for hours. I have never had any romantic experiences with them like that, so I don't have as much experience as you do.

I think it's great someone asked you out and I can certainly see why that might seem like cheating, though you should try to be in a relationship with someone here if you can just to see how that turns out. It doesn't have to go perfectly as I've heard of many others that don't stay with the first person they meet.

However due to my autism I've never completely felt connected to reality like someone else since I always knew I was very different from any other people I've met, even autistic people, as I have a lot of health issues and trauma. I hope things go well for you and that your therapist is a very good one to help should anything get harder in your life.
 
A

Aleksander

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Apr 24, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Austria
Hello together,

Thank you for your replies! I did not answer immediately, because I preferred to wait until more people gave their answer to be able to differentiate between and simultaneously refer to several answers. I am somehow glad I am not the only one who is losing touch to reality.

.I still couldnt find an exact solution but this is going well I would say. If Im talking to my dad I try to imagine our talking as if its happening in my own world.This helps a bit.
You mean something like (-1) times (-1) is a positive number again, so applying “dreaming” to times in a row connects a bit to the reality again? 😉 I think I did what you describe without noticing it, cause I remember sometimes my imagination interfered with real encounters. You are completely right it helps for a while but here is the thing: the fact of not being able to find myself in the real nevertheless frustrates me. Do you feel the same while avoiding the problem temporary?

I think it's great someone asked you out and I can certainly see why that might seem like cheating, though you should try to be in a relationship with someone here if you can just to see how that turns out. It doesn't have to go perfectly as I've heard of many others that don't stay with the first person they meet.
When it comes to relationships I suppose I have trust-issues, because on one hand I might look attractive superficially, however I am barely loveable for a long period of time since I have character traits, which most people will not withstand. Therefore already being near somebody is tiring for both parties and I get warily towards peoples intentions quickly.
I had 2 real relationships, so at least I know I can do that.
Sadly I have no idea how a real relationship feels and do not think I would be able to maintain one. I like my "girlfriend" in a platonic way, because "she" fills the hollow feeling of being unaccepted and not entirely(!) wanted or needed. I remender I had an imagined older sister as a replacement for often occuring social dissatisfaction when I was very small.

To me, it sounds like you're highly creative and you could benefit by expressing it and sharing your creations with real people.
Thanks for this very kind assumption about my creativity! 😊
In the past I shared my ability to play musical instruments to other people a lot, but this leads to drifting away to imagination and generates a lot of flattery. Also I felt a bit embarassed for crying during concerts many times... I suppose I will try to get creative in some other ways I have not paid attention to so far.

I guess ManDss gave a notable comment.
Try to fix the problems you have in the real world. Dont get only with the fantasies because are warm, you could regreat in the future.
I am not aware what to fix and what problems occur in my life. It is pretty much fine despite the fact, that I am obviously alone and unbound to other human individuals and found replacements since being a child. I enjoy being with myself for sure more than others do, but a complete estrangement hurts. It is very unlikely all others are wrong, but it rather seems like I am in the wrong subset of space and/or time. 😟
 
Mirrors

Mirrors

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Joined
Apr 22, 2021
Messages
8
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Recife
I think it is a form of OSDD-1b. You should respect your alters, because it hurt them when you label them as just an "hallucination".
 
M

ManDss

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Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
895
Location
Argentina
I guess ManDss gave a notable comment.

I am not aware what to fix and what problems occur in my life. It is pretty much fine despite the fact, that I am obviously alone and unbound to other human individuals and found replacements since being a child. I enjoy being with myself for sure more than others do, but a complete estrangement hurts. It is very unlikely all others are wrong, but it rather seems like I am in the wrong subset of space and/or time. 😟
"despite the fact, that I am obviously alone and unbound to other human individuals and found replacements since being a child", "but a complete estrangement hurts",

Well, there I see a pretty reasonable problem.

What I mean, is that its ok if you have fantasies you replace all what you want but cant have in the real world.

But ! Also try to get all that in the real world. I mean, dont stick sooooo much to your fantasies and just leave the idea to get what you want in the real world.

Which I guess is a partner and friends.

I know its not so easy to get all that, and its not just a matter of will, but dont leave that idea behind, keep trying.
 
Yumemimari

Yumemimari

New member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
2
Location
America
Hello together,

Thank you for your replies! I did not answer immediately, because I preferred to wait until more people gave their answer to be able to differentiate between and simultaneously refer to several answers. I am somehow glad I am not the only one who is losing touch to reality.


You mean something like (-1) times (-1) is a positive number again, so applying “dreaming” to times in a row connects a bit to the reality again? 😉 I think I did what you describe without noticing it, cause I remember sometimes my imagination interfered with real encounters. You are completely right it helps for a while but here is the thing: the fact of not being able to find myself in the real nevertheless frustrates me. Do you feel the same while avoiding the problem temporary?


When it comes to relationships I suppose I have trust-issues, because on one hand I might look attractive superficially, however I am barely loveable for a long period of time since I have character traits, which most people will not withstand. Therefore already being near somebody is tiring for both parties and I get warily towards peoples intentions quickly.

Sadly I have no idea how a real relationship feels and do not think I would be able to maintain one. I like my "girlfriend" in a platonic way, because "she" fills the hollow feeling of being unaccepted and not entirely(!) wanted or needed. I remender I had an imagined older sister as a replacement for often occuring social dissatisfaction when I was very small.


Thanks for this very kind assumption about my creativity! 😊
In the past I shared my ability to play musical instruments to other people a lot, but this leads to drifting away to imagination and generates a lot of flattery. Also I felt a bit embarassed for crying during concerts many times... I suppose I will try to get creative in some other ways I have not paid attention to so far.

I guess ManDss gave a notable comment.

I am not aware what to fix and what problems occur in my life. It is pretty much fine despite the fact, that I am obviously alone and unbound to other human individuals and found replacements since being a child. I enjoy being with myself for sure more than others do, but a complete estrangement hurts. It is very unlikely all others are wrong, but it rather seems like I am in the wrong subset of space and/or time. 😟
I used to feel like that but I think time by time Im used to it If I start to get frustrated I try to forget the real world and avoid it.
 
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