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In need of support

  • Thread starter tinyskeletontinyhouse
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tinyskeletontinyhouse

New member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Honolulu, HI
I am 20 years old, and first sought professional help for my mental health when I was 14. Back then my diagnoses were depression, generalized anxiety disorder and also went through an eating disorder that I've successfully recovered from. After my first manic episode during my freshman year of college, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1. I was prescribed an anti- psychotic/mood stabilizer and continued with school. Things seemed mostly decent until my second year when I had another manic episode where I ended up having to hospitalized and take a medical leave from school. After I got out of the hospital I got off of the anti-psychotic I couldn't tolerate a high enough dose to stabilize my mood. I started Lithium and an intensive outpatient treatment program and for a bit things seemed to level off. About 3 weeks ago my depression and anxiety symptoms got really bad and am hoping that my telehealth appointment with my psychiatrist will help to point me in the right direction. One stressor for me right now is that I am planning to go back to school in the fall (if the pandemic situation allows for that to happen) and I am scared that I won't be stable by then and will have to be out of school longer. It's not that I feel pressure to graduate on time, I just want to be able to get back to the direction of my hopes and dreams. I also really miss the community I had at art school and want to get back as a healthier me and thrive in that community. I have a friend that I talk to often through text that lives back in Washington where I met him at school. I also am living with my family right now. I've been able to turn to them for support in the past but I don't feel like they can understand so I just joined on here. Here is something i journaled a few moments ago that pretty much sums up how I feel and what's on my mind:
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so alone and lost. I am terrified that this is just my reality because I’ve been having these problems for years and even if things get better briefly and intermittently, it always ends up getting bad again. It feels like things I want out of life will always be out of reach for me, and that even if I get to a place I want to be, it will be snatched away from me again. I want to be okay and am doing all I can in my power to get there, but I feel like I’m not getting anywhere. I hope that if and when my meds get adjusted that it will be the piece I’m missing and that I can start building my life back up again.
 
J

JuneBug104

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 29, 2019
Messages
119
Location
Canada
I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much right now. I am bipolar as well and know how hard it can be. How productive are you at the moment? Going back to school may very well set you on the right track if you’re not up to much right now. Quite a few people thrive on routine. When I was in school I was doing great. Taking care of myself, keeping my space clean, at the top of my class etc. Then as soon as school was over it seems everything else went down the drain. Medication isn’t everything. Bearing in mind that my knowledge of your situation is limited to what was said in your post, a venture like school or work may help immensely. There’s a chance it’s not a good idea, of course. I’m not a doctor. However, as I said, many people thrive on routine.
 
Antimatter

Antimatter

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
890
Location
UK
Bless you x you are young, slow down with the thoughts and life will come to you x
 
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