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daisylover

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
5
I really feel like I need help or to speak to someone but i'm scared. Im 19 and feel very unhappy with my body and myself in general. Since Christmas I have gained weight and I feel like I can barely cope with this. Yesterday a friend told me my face looked "healthier" and I almost died and can't bring myself to eat anything. I have bad insecurities about my weight due to a past relationship where my boyfriend used to tell me my body was not good enough. This was something I had never even noticed until he pointed it out. While we were together I lost weight due to being obsessive over food consumption but since splitting I have gained overall. I feel as if I cannot cope to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ill and disgusted. Also my mum was diagnosed with cancer last year and this has been extremely tough on me as she is all I have. I think I might be depressed and visited the doctor nearer the time but I was told that I had a lot going on with stress from uni and my mum being sick and that I should give myself a break. These feelings that I have had are only getting worse and I feel as though I hate myself. I constantly feel like I am not good enough for anything and any time I feel happy I feel like I do not deserve it. I feel like I am drowning in all my feelings and emotions but I don't want to bother my family with this as there is already so much going on and I don't want them to think i'm attention seeking. My behaviour is ruining my relationship with my family and especially my mum as I have all these feelings that I can barely explain. Recently every time I eat something I feel guilty and tell myself I am disgusting and today I cannot bring myself to eat anything. I have so many negative feelings about myself and my body it is really beginning to effect me every minute of the day. I have never had any issues when I was younger with eating habits or my self confidence it is only recently that I have had these thoughts. I feel entirely lost and like I have no-one to talk to. Also I feel scared to tell anyone this is how I am feeling incase they begin to monitor my eating or my behaviour. I really don't know what to do.
 
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Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
36,265
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
i just wanted to send you lots of love and :welcome: you to the forum im sure you will get more replies soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
I'm new to this aswell but everyone's really friendly and understanding- Sending you loads of hugs- you should know that your ex boyfriend was horrible to you and you shouldn't let that change who you are or who you desire to be! He didn't deserve you, I was in a relationship the exact same where my ex used to call me fat ugly just kept putting me down so I wouldn't leave him and he'd feel better about himself, your a beautiful person you deserve to be happy the way you are x
 
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daisylover

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
5
Thank you. I know he was a horrible person and I understand that also but I find it hard to believe after hearing it so much. Since we haven't been together I have been a mixture of happy and sad, it's hard to control all my feelings when I feel so confused and down all the time.
 
AimeèJo2014

AimeèJo2014

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
28
If you don't mind me asking who ended the relationship cos there might be some unanswered questions that might be making your confusion worst and making you down cos of it, I felt the same way for about 2months, I didn't talk to anyone for days and shut everyone out, I cried for nights on end and then one day I woke up realised that it was him that had the insecurities and was taking it out on you to make himself feel better, you shouldn't be taking it out on yourself babes, it's his loss
 
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daisylover

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
5
It was me that ended the relationship eventually after allowing him to walk all over me for too long. I just can't shake the fears and insecurities he left me with no matter how many people tell me I am beautiful or perfectly sized I just can't believe it. My weight fluctuates as my feelings change and sometimes I feel good. I just feel so lost. I don't even feel like it's about him anymore it's how I look at myself and how I see myself. I hate the person who I am and I can't help it.
 
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daisylover

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
5
Thank you for your message, what you are saying makes sense but I feel so selfish even thinking about burdening my family with how I feel when my mum is still going through treatment. Also I feel scared about what might happen to me if I don't. I'm also scared they think that I am attention seeking as someone in my family did say this to me before when my mum was first diagnosed and it has made me feel like I can't talk to anyone.
 
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daisylover

Member
Joined
Feb 16, 2015
Messages
5
Thank you, yes they have a counselling unit available for students at the university. I will look on the website and thank you for your advice I really appreciate it x
 
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