- Feb 16, 2015
I really feel like I need help or to speak to someone but i'm scared. Im 19 and feel very unhappy with my body and myself in general. Since Christmas I have gained weight and I feel like I can barely cope with this. Yesterday a friend told me my face looked "healthier" and I almost died and can't bring myself to eat anything. I have bad insecurities about my weight due to a past relationship where my boyfriend used to tell me my body was not good enough. This was something I had never even noticed until he pointed it out. While we were together I lost weight due to being obsessive over food consumption but since splitting I have gained overall. I feel as if I cannot cope to look at myself in the mirror without feeling ill and disgusted. Also my mum was diagnosed with cancer last year and this has been extremely tough on me as she is all I have. I think I might be depressed and visited the doctor nearer the time but I was told that I had a lot going on with stress from uni and my mum being sick and that I should give myself a break. These feelings that I have had are only getting worse and I feel as though I hate myself. I constantly feel like I am not good enough for anything and any time I feel happy I feel like I do not deserve it. I feel like I am drowning in all my feelings and emotions but I don't want to bother my family with this as there is already so much going on and I don't want them to think i'm attention seeking. My behaviour is ruining my relationship with my family and especially my mum as I have all these feelings that I can barely explain. Recently every time I eat something I feel guilty and tell myself I am disgusting and today I cannot bring myself to eat anything. I have so many negative feelings about myself and my body it is really beginning to effect me every minute of the day. I have never had any issues when I was younger with eating habits or my self confidence it is only recently that I have had these thoughts. I feel entirely lost and like I have no-one to talk to. Also I feel scared to tell anyone this is how I am feeling incase they begin to monitor my eating or my behaviour. I really don't know what to do.
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