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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

In need of some reassurance

S

sadigali

Member
Joined
Nov 1, 2020
Messages
21
Location
Sweden
Hi. I didn't know which of the forums this belonged in, but I think this is right.
My depression during the years had mostly been about life circumstances like getting kicked out, having terrible people around me etc. But today, I live a stabile life with both my parents near me. I'm studying. I currently don't have any friends because of a move but I have accepted this fact and that I will soon have friends again. Still, I can't seem to get any better. I can't seem to find my way back to my hobbies, can't seem to actually be here. I just do everyday as I am supposed to. I study, I text my boyfriend, I eat, I watch some youtube, I stare into a wall, do my skincare, go to bed. But I'm not really doing anything. I feel like a grey blob with no emotions but anger. I feel angry all the time. I feel angry at myself, at my family and the universe, at my boyfriend.

Yesterday I was laying in bed and started crying. It felt really good to let some emotion out. But then after 1 minute the crying stopped and I didn't feel anything. I couldn't even remember why I cried. So I got angry at myself. I started harming myself and punching the pillows in hope to feel anything other than anger and sadness. I don't understand why I am like this. Why my emotions keep disappearing and why I keep getting angry at everyone. I can't seem to be myself. I am always in the bubble of fucking grey and nothing is fun. It's so fucking annoying. Has anyone else felt this way? Being angry all the time? It's like me not being able to do anything because of the depression is making me angry. I don't want to live like this anymore.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
6,138
Location
England
Do you think you are depressed? It sounds like depression to me. Have you seen your doctor?

Aside from medication, whether you take that or not is your choice, but i am depressed at the moment as i often am this time of year when there is less sunshine, so i have to get out in the morning to walk. Walking keeps me going, i very quickly spiral down if i don't go for a walk every other day miniumum.

Are you eating well? Fish, veg, fruit, water?

It is important to get out and do nice things like going to the zoo or sitting by a river, if you have these things. Lots is closed at the moment but we have squirrels running around at the moment and that lifts my mood temporarily.
 
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