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In my head, I am still the same old me...

T

ThisGuy20

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2
Location
Croatia
Hello everyone, I am 18 yo who prepares to go to college and I have a problem with weight, in my head, kinda...
When I was a kid I was a fat, chubby kid who didn't really enjoy being in school because of bullying. The bullying wasn't really like I was being bombarded but still made me insecure, you know? I had many disadvantages- physically, like on PE, running, etc.
Years passed and I didn't really take action on my look, in fact, I didn't even really noticed how fat I am until lockdown of 2020. The high school closed and I was on 95kg (even had 100 at one point). I went out every day with my friends out and in some way relaxed. A few months passed and I lost some weight... In fact, I lost 15kg(80kg currently) during that period. And since I saw only a few of my friends and no one from high school or anyone else, they didn't know if I changed any bit... Until the first day of school(before summer). I tried to get in my jeans and oh damn are they big lol. I had to buy new jeans and so and so. Everyone told me how fitter I got, like "Damn, u lost a lot of weight...". And that's how I look now, actually, I am still trying to lose some weight(my height is 185cm).
At a recent party, a girl mentioned how I look different from when I was in my first high school(I swapped school in 1st high school grade- bc of being bullied and for not liking the school I choose) and that she doesn't like why I don't say hi to her in public(I don't even know her that well). That kinda messed with my head a little bit, like, REALLY?
But the god damn problem doesn't lie in my kilos anymore(as I said, I still want to be fitter)... In my head, I don't have the confidence. I still think that I am the young little fat kid from elementary school who won't be really accepted(or something else that I can't think of). Scared that I will be laughed at. Scared that when I want to talk to a girl in a club or somewhere I will mess up(spoiler alert-it happened).
I wanna change the fact that I am being shy and not really communicative when in a group with girls(I was in a group with a few girls and a friend). In my nature, I am not really shy, when I was a kid I was always sociable and wasn't scared to ask something... When I go to the store, I was not scared to ask where some product is(I know this sounds weird but my friend was like this in my younger years).
In conclusion, I want to change that part of me...
Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading this
 
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