• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

In my culture, enduring abuse is essential.

frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,314
Location
South Korea



I highly reccommend reading this post to get a better background of my culture.

When I was a teenager, I read a newspaper article about a man who was abused by his abusive father. He was honored because he endured the abuse all his childhood and never called for help.

He says that's unconditional love. I say it's madness! My blood boils. He could've ran away. But he didn't.

I understand where that shit is coming from. You have to honor your parents in Korean societies. Since that man was Korean- American and US easily puts restraining order, they don't want to lost their family member.

If that shit is the case, flee! Run for your life. Do you want to be maimed for the rest of your life? Physically and emotionally scarred? But no. You have to suck it up. Fuck this.😡

But I guess same shit goes for me too, if my family member physically abuses me (they didn't). Just suck it up and keep your fucking mouth shut.

I got traumatized for reading that article and the memory haunts me right now.

I don't want to suck it up and endure the damn abuse. Hell, no! It's a dangerous thing to do. But wait... I have no fucking choice. If I don't, I might face persecution that is worse than abuse. Korean- Americans are more nationalistic and old- fashioned than the Native Koreans. If I EVER sued a family member for abuse, they might harass or physically harm me. Now, that might be not true, but I'm scared it might happen...
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Mar 22, 2019
Messages
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Location
South Korea
@vanish Have you experienced this? I'm asking you because we had a discussion at the post: "Do you know who I am?"
 
P

Purpleplum

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Joined
Feb 7, 2020
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2,232
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nowhere
Well if you have a family that would harass or physically harm you for sticking up for yourself, you need to get the hell away from them. You only get one life and it's short. It goes by fast. Don't waste a minute of it with toxic people.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,314
Location
South Korea
Well if you have a family that would harass or physically harm you for sticking up for yourself, you need to get the hell away from them. You only get one life and it's short. It goes by fast. Don't waste a minute of it with toxic people.
Yep. What that man did in the newspaper wasn't cool.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
836
Location
California, USA
Hi frisas!

It's so scary how we can be conditioned to think that abuse is love. I try to not read stories that may affect me negatively. We got enough of that in ours lives already.
 
M

Manda

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2019
Messages
86
Location
Leeds



I highly reccommend reading this post to get a better background of my culture.

When I was a teenager, I read a newspaper article about a man who was abused by his abusive father. He was honored because he endured the abuse all his childhood and never called for help.

He says that's unconditional love. I say it's madness! My blood boils. He could've ran away. But he didn't.

I understand where that shit is coming from. You have to honor your parents in Korean societies. Since that man was Korean- American and US easily puts restraining order, they don't want to lost their family member.

If that shit is the case, flee! Run for your life. Do you want to be maimed for the rest of your life? Physically and emotionally scarred? But no. You have to suck it up. Fuck this.😡

But I guess same shit goes for me too, if my family member physically abuses me (they didn't). Just suck it up and keep your fucking mouth shut.

I got traumatized for reading that article and the memory haunts me right now.

I don't want to suck it up and endure the damn abuse. Hell, no! It's a dangerous thing to do. But wait... I have no fucking choice. If I don't, I might face persecution that is worse than abuse. Korean- Americans are more nationalistic and old- fashioned than the Native Koreans. If I EVER sued a family member for abuse, they might harass or physically harm me. Now, that might be not true, but I'm scared it might happen...
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,314
Location
South Korea
Hi frisas!

It's so scary how we can be conditioned to think that abuse is love. I try to not read stories that may affect me negatively. We got enough of that in ours lives already.
Yeah. I was forced to read it by somebody else. (Sigh)
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
1,049
Location
Down-under



I highly reccommend reading this post to get a better background of my culture.

When I was a teenager, I read a newspaper article about a man who was abused by his abusive father. He was honored because he endured the abuse all his childhood and never called for help.

He says that's unconditional love. I say it's madness! My blood boils. He could've ran away. But he didn't.

I understand where that shit is coming from. You have to honor your parents in Korean societies. Since that man was Korean- American and US easily puts restraining order, they don't want to lost their family member.

If that shit is the case, flee! Run for your life. Do you want to be maimed for the rest of your life? Physically and emotionally scarred? But no. You have to suck it up. Fuck this.😡

But I guess same shit goes for me too, if my family member physically abuses me (they didn't). Just suck it up and keep your fucking mouth shut.

I got traumatized for reading that article and the memory haunts me right now.

I don't want to suck it up and endure the damn abuse. Hell, no! It's a dangerous thing to do. But wait... I have no fucking choice. If I don't, I might face persecution that is worse than abuse. Korean- Americans are more nationalistic and old- fashioned than the Native Koreans. If I EVER sued a family member for abuse, they might harass or physically harm me. Now, that might be not true, but I'm scared it might happen...
Hi Frisis;

I was abused growing up. The thing that used to haunt me was taking it and not complaining. What I learned though was I'd been 'groomed' to be that way by my abusers as they were taught the same thing. This info gave me more compassion for them, and eventually encouraged positive dialogue between us.

People can only change if they want to; finding the courage to stand up for myself after fear ruled my entire life was a massive feat. My breakdown was really unpleasant, but it changed me for the better. I now 'have' to protect me (survival) which changed the way I communicate with them. Believe me, it was just as confronting for them as it was for me, maybe moreso.

New generations have a responsibility to buck the system of abuse. The world's changing for the better in this respect. In ancient cultures it's slower than in the West, but change is occurring. For instance, many women in male dominated cultures are educating themselves, creating businesses and passing their courage onto the next generation. It's slow, but at least it's happening.

Change takes time...empathy costs nothing.

Respectfully;
Liz
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,314
Location
South Korea
Hi Frisis;

I was abused growing up. The thing that used to haunt me was taking it and not complaining. What I learned though was I'd been 'groomed' to be that way by my abusers as they were taught the same thing. This info gave me more compassion for them, and eventually encouraged positive dialogue between us.

People can only change if they want to; finding the courage to stand up for myself after fear ruled my entire life was a massive feat. My breakdown was really unpleasant, but it changed me for the better. I now 'have' to protect me (survival) which changed the way I communicate with them. Believe me, it was just as confronting for them as it was for me, maybe moreso.

New generations have a responsibility to buck the system of abuse. The world's changing for the better in this respect. In ancient cultures it's slower than in the West, but change is occurring. For instance, many women in male dominated cultures are educating themselves, creating businesses and passing their courage onto the next generation. It's slow, but at least it's happening.

Change takes time...empathy costs nothing.

Respectfully;
Liz
Yeah... change GOTTA happen. Otherwise, we're screwed :(
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
5,113
Location
Canada
Yeah, I've known some Korean-Americans (or Canadians, or Australians) and worked alongside them too. That's enough to do your head in, I imagine. They're in a sort of unique position in Korea. Some barely speak the language. It creates a kind of confusion. They get local treatment based on their bloodline. It's quite a jolt for some of you guys no doubt. It's hard to inhabit two quite different cultures. It's even hard to speak two languages fluently, especially such different ones like English and Korean.

I've heard of kids and parents having a language barrier even, odd as that sounds. I did not like the "boss is always right" aspect, the kowtowing to hierarchy ingrained in the culture. Sometimes the boss is an idiot, but no one can question him/her? Leads to a lot of things being done poorly, a lot of ego damage, and a lot of corruption.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
1,314
Location
South Korea
Yeah, I've known some Korean-Americans (or Canadians, or Australians) and worked alongside them too. That's enough to do your head in, I imagine. They're in a sort of unique position in Korea. Some barely speak the language. It creates a kind of confusion. They get local treatment based on their bloodline. It's quite a jolt for some of you guys no doubt. It's hard to inhabit two quite different cultures. It's even hard to speak two languages fluently, especially such different ones like English and Korean.

I've heard of kids and parents having a language barrier even, odd as that sounds. I did not like the "boss is always right" aspect, the kowtowing to hierarchy ingrained in the culture. Sometimes the boss is an idiot, but no one can question him/her? Leads to a lot of things being done poorly, a lot of ego damage, and a lot of corruption.
Late reply...

Yep. I get treated like a Korean, no matter what I am. It doesn't matter whether I'm Americanized or not. I'm Korean by race, so I have to learn how to be a Korean. Ain't no other way out. People here don't let you off the hook. :(
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
5,113
Location
Canada
It's weird isn't it? You get treated like a local since you look like one, but being from a different culture creates a different way of thinking. People can be intolerant when they don't understand this. Seems like some just want everybody to fit into neat categories or something.
 
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