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In desperate need of some help and advise

B

Babygurlsmom

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Joined
Feb 8, 2015
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11
Hi this is my first time here and I'm looking for some advise or aye a kick in the butt.
Years ago when I was a teenager I went throughout some anxiety. I was raped and I suppose my reaction was kind of normal. I was given some pills and counselling and things got better.
Flash forward 15 years....
I've got a 9 year old daughter and a managers position with a company I've been with for over a decade and I feel like I'm falling apart.
It started maybe two weeks ago. I was very tired. I would come home from work and go to bed in my work clothes, wake up and go back to work only to come home and crash again. I can't count the number of times I've said to my daughter, momma is to sick to play right now.
Last week the severe anxiety started. Seems to be worse when I think of work...
Feels like that fight or flight response that never goes away. I shake, feel sick to my stomachs, my ears ring, constantly cold and always on edge. If the phone rings my heart jumps and my stomach flips, same thing happens if there is a loud noise.
Knowing something wasn't right I asked to have wed and Thursday off work. Both days I slept all day.
Friday I told my boss I wasn't able to come in. Saturday was the same except I called our local telehealth line for advise. They said to go to the hospital. I almost made it out the door but then I fell down the stairs hurting my hip and bruising my arm.
I went back to bed.
I went to my family doc last week but couldn't get the words out. I only told her about being tired and that I thought my blood pressure was high. M
Damn mental health stigma!

Folks, what do I do. How do I get the courage to take that first step?
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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1,079
Hi Babygurlsmom and welcome to the forum.

So sorry to hear that you're struggling so much. You definitely do not need a kick in the butt but it does sound as though you really need some help.

I would advise going back to your doctors with either a print out of the post you've typed above or a letter describing how you feel.

I always advise writing things out as there have been times when I've not been able to communicate with either my GP or mental health team. Handing over a piece of paper is so much easier than attempting to talk at times. Also, it ensures that you've said all you want to. It's a pain walking out of an appointment, only to think of all the things you forgot to mention.

I hope this helps a little and I hope that you're feeling better soon. :hug1:
 
B

Babygurlsmom

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Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
11
Thank you for the reply. I am feeling so lost right now.
I'm debating going to the hospital this evening to see if I can get something to settle me down. I feel like crawling out of my skin tonight. I have to work tomorrow which isn't helping with the anxiety.
Has anyone here ever dealt with the hospital when having depression or anxiety? I'm kind of scared to go but scared not to...
 
apple

apple

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Joined
Mar 28, 2014
Messages
707
hi babygurlsmum,

Sorry to hear that you've been feeling so anxious and stressed. :hug:

To be honest as you've mentioned fight or flight and other symptoms - I wondered if it's your adrenals that have been run down? (I'm not a doctor of course, but have just recently been reading about the endocrine system in Eric Berg's book which is mentioned on youtube).

How's your nutrition? Do you take any supplements and do you eat enough fresh vegetables for healthy minerals?

If you have a little time to search online, it might be worth googling some of the symptoms you've experienced and typing in 'deficiency' to see whether vitamin or mineral deficiencies are flagged up. I wouldn't automatically assume that it's necessarily caused by mental illness - it could be an underlying imbalance or deficiency that's possibly affecting you, and pressure or stress, including emotional stress, can be harder to handle if that's the case.

For example, insufficient B vitamins are linked with anxiety - and insufficient vitamin D can be linked with depression. Perhaps it might be really helpful to ask your doctor to run blood tests and then make a note of the levels he reports back and check whether they are at all low.

Of course, emotional stress or post-traumatic stress can also be helped by appropriately kind empathetic support.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Best wishes,

apple x
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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Welcome to the forum. I am sorry you are struggling so much. I'd say coming on here and opening up is a first step. It sounds like you have been through some horrific things.

Do you have supportive people in your life who can help out with looking after your daughter while you get help?

I personally have never found hospitals to be helpful. In fact, my hospital experiences have been very stressful. I think it would be good if you could get some counselling again, and if necessary, see your doctor about some anti-anxiety meds to help in the short-term.
 
B

Babygurlsmom

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
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Thank you for the responses

My doctor did send me for blood work and an EKG, I should have the results next week.
I do have my hubby and mom for support. My hubby seems a little unsure of what to do right now but he's keeping the house running for me and taking care of my kiddo.
I think I will probably avoid the additional stress of the er this evening. But I think I will be at my doctors at 9am tomorrow when she opens. I need some sort of relief.
Unsure of how to deal with work at this moment. Any thoughts? I was thinking I would ask if I can take a weeks vacation right now
 
I

iamhopefull

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Feb 7, 2015
Messages
11
I went to the hospital a couple of months back. I was a mess and told the doctor I was dying of something. He wasn't very helpful because I suppose he was used to dealing with physical injuries and not what we experience, but they did send a mental health worker to talk to me and I was offered some help if I wanted it. Just go in and explain that you have anxiety so bad that your not functioning and you need help. There should be someone on staff who deals with our kind of problems. It is worth the try. You need to get someone who is a professional on your side.
 
B

Babygurlsmom

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Feb 8, 2015
Messages
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So last night it snowed lots.
Had to get kiddo to school so I put all my emotions into each shovel full of snow and it felt great! I have a plan... Going to drop the kiddo off and head to the docs to tell her everything and get my self all fixed.
Nope.
Drive through the crappy snow get to the docs office and she's not in yet. The secretary was there so I say can you please squeeze me in this morning and she tells me the best she can do is get me in at 3. Sigh, ok that's only 6 hours away I can do this.
I get in my car pull out on the road and just bawl. Can't stop. So I drive to the mental health place in town-still bawling like a baby-finally find a parking spot and then I just sit there, bawling.
They don't look open-bawling even harder-I google them and realize they're not open till lunch time
Super
By now I'm a ridiculous mess-red face, snotty, can barely catch my breath. I google distress line because I really don't know what to do.
Call a local number-busy-call back-busy
Agh wtf what am I going to do. I'm in full blown panic mode and I'm sure I'm going to die and I can't pull it together and stop crying.
So I go home, open the door and there's my hubby. He wrapped me in his arms and I just let it all out.i cried and cried and told him I don't understand what's going on in my head and I can't stop it. I give him my phone and tell him to call one of the distress numbers to get me help.
We talked with her on speaker phone for about an hour-he did most of the talking as I was still a bumbling bawling mess.
But eventually it worked-sort of-I'm calmer I've stopped crying for the last half hour. He ran me a hot bath and I think I will stay in it until it's time for my doctors appointment.
Huge lump in my throat doesn't want to go away-I'm just trying to relax.
Good news is-I told hubby everything and he gets it and is being supportive. He's coming with me to the appointment so I don't chicken out.
Going to enjoy mellowing in the tub for awhile. Hope everyone here is able to catch some relaxation today too! And thank you for letting me vent :)
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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small town Ontario, Canada
Aww it's so good hubby is being supportive, must be a huge relief in itself. Hope your appointment goes well to. Sorry you have to drive in the snow, drive carefull.
 
I

iamhopefull

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Feb 7, 2015
Messages
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Glad to hear you got some relief. I call what's going on with me as my "journey". If you think of it as a "journey" or a quest or a process, those things that happened to you are just stepping stones along the way. It is helpful to me when things don't go as planned to think that way.
 
B

Babygurlsmom

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Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
11
I think I will write a book about my "journey" it will make great therapy as I've always loved writing.
Doctor visit went fairly well. Bawled my eyes out but I brought along this thread and some other symptom notes and that was helpful. Doc has given me a week off and some meds. Escitalopram for depression and anxiety and zopiclone to help me get some decent sleep. She says until I get some sleep nothing will improve.
I informed my work.. Which didn't go the greatest but it's one less thing for me to deal with.
Thanks again everyone xoxo
 
I

iamhopefull

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Wishing you peace and contentment. I am glad you got some help.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I'm so glad you've got some relief, help and time off work to give you a bit of a break.

Hope you're feeling better soon and that the meds help you to get some sleep.

I wish you well.
 
B

Babygurlsmom

Member
Joined
Feb 8, 2015
Messages
11
We'll, I did get some sleep. More than I have lately.
Woke up with a nasty taste in my mouth-terrible nothing takes it away.
I can life with it though if it means I get to sleep :)
Not sure what to do with myself today. I'm having a steamy hot bath to clear my head. It's funny-I bathe often-almost daily-to relax but I still stink, atleast I think I do. Perhaps this time I will actually have a wash up and not just a soak.
So today I need to seek counselling and maybe start looking for a different job. I may need a good kick in the butt for both of these as I'm feeling rather unmotivated and would rather stay in the tub-or bed-all day.
Sigh-I'm so sick of crying
 
I

iamhopefull

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Feb 7, 2015
Messages
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Glad you got some sleep. The taste is probably from the meds. You can ask the doctor. I am trying to motivate myself right now as well. It can be hard sometimes. Try you best to at least get the counseling
 
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