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In a very bad way

M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
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I am really struggling. I saw my psychiatrist about a month ago, he increased my anti psychotic and that's fine. But I have been really poorly before that appointment as well. I'm now self harming in quite a bad way, my anger is uncontrollable, my anxiety is through the roof, I'm struggling to look at people, find myself not talking to anyone, locking myself in the toilets at work for 10 mins at a time to get away from it, I'm having panic attacks at work, I'm finding it difficult in therapy (group) I don't feel like I can truly say what's going on with me. I just wanna cry but I don't seem to be able to. I really don't know what to do
 
catkin

catkin

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in a bit of a ravel
Can you take some time off work if that would help? Do you have any support outside the group? I'm sorry you are struggling, am too, don't know what to suggest but sounds like you need a break and to tell someone what's going on xx
 
M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
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I'm not allowed time off work because there is already 2 people off (there are 20 admin staff yet only 2 people allowed off...stupid I know) I'm considering calling in sick tomorrow though, but I know ill get talked about, the person I sit next to is a supervisor and bitches whenever anyone is off sick, saying they need to grow a pair etc so that worries me knowing ill be spoken badly of. I don't have any support outside of my group therapy, my mum doesn't understand, she won't read any leaflets or talk to me about things, when I say how I'm feeling I get called stupid and pathetic. I can talk to my manager, she is supportive, but something is stopping me from talking to her, she often takes me for a chat when I'm not too good, she did last Thursday, but I'm scared of ringing in sick because I have such a big back of of work that no one ever helps with, and it will get left for however long I am off for which isn't going to help me either :( I feel so rubbish but no one gets it :(:(
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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If you keep working won't you get worse though? Tough shit if youre to unwell its their job to cover you! If you get an unfit for work note nothing they can do. Why should you make yourself more poorly?
 
M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
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Very true. I've worked here for 2 years 4 months now and the only time I've ever had help with my work is when I was off for an operation 18 months ago! I just worry that I still won't get the help when I'm off :( if I've had 3 days holiday, no one has touched my work! it's so overwhelming for me :( what do I say when I text in sick? I won't phone as I'm scared of talking on the phone....x
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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You should phone, nothing pisses managers off more than a siçk text, get someone to phone for you just dont text!!
All they need to know is you wont be in and an unfit for work note will be supplied, you can self cert for a week but I prefer to get an unfit note as it proves youre legit x
 
M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
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they're fine with texts - they know I won't call so they're more than happy with a message, that's the only good thing about them at the moment! you have to give a reason for being off though even with a phone call :(
 
M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
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ps they know all about my conditions and how they affect me and how unwell I get
 
katya

katya

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I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this stress from work. There's no fucking sympathy in this world when people are mentally ill, and the fact there's no fucking sympathy or compassion makes you feel even worse.

Say you have diarrhoea and you can't get off the toilet. That'll stop them from asking questions, the bastards.

Sorry for my aggressive tone; I'm pissed off myself with a bunch of shit and I'm a bit pissed off for you that you're having to go through this extra stress when you're feeling so low as it is.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Its a need to know basis why youre off, as long as its private phone and snoopy people can't read it x
 
katya

katya

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ps they know all about my conditions and how they affect me and how unwell I get
That's good! Do you feel as though you could tell them you're struggling at the moment?

If so, scrap my last comment. It's always better to be truthful if you actually feel as though you can.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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they're fine with texts - they know I won't call so they're more than happy with a message, that's the only good thing about them at the moment! you have to give a reason for being off though even with a phone call :(
in my last job i was quite ill, and used to send texts. sometimes i used to send an email. sometimes i could not face it or be bothered. would stay in bed, eat chips and watch telly.
 
M

mistaken-identity

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Dec 22, 2014
Messages
75
thanks everyone. nice to be listened to. I went in, at 11 I emailed and said I'm going home at 12.45, I sat there for a bit and I knew if I went home I would try and end my life so I went and spoke to my manager and I said Its too overwhelming being at work but being at home isn't safe either I dunno what to do, so we went for a chat She wasn't happy letting me leave work how I was so she rang my psychiatrist for me and she is going to talk to him first and explain what's happening then ill talk to him. I find it almost impossible starting off conversations so she said she will start it for me etc she was really supportive, but the person I sit next to (supervisor) hasn't even spoken to me since last weds. Dunno what I've done to her. but my area is moving round so I won't be sitting next to her, which is a silent relief. my mum is being really bitchy she went bed at 9.30 last night and started having a go at me for "noise" what the hell......Feel like giving up, really have had enough. Oh and my psych hasnt even called me back even though we told his secretary I need urgent medical assistance :(:(:(
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Im still here if you wañna talk! Xx
 
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