- Mar 5, 2021
So basically I have a friend who is autistic and he basically broke my trust once before and now i can't trust him again or i struggle to trust him anyway. I can tell when he's being fake and it usually is true but then other times i find out he isn't being fake which makes the whole trust thing even more confusing. i have a 'self-worth' problem. i constantly overthink mistakes, struggle to be fulfilled with who i am and what i can do, i try too hard to seek validation and i think some people are superior to me who i should be impressing and some people who are inferior to me who i look down on. my friend is the latter. i think I'm better than him because of his lack of social skills and that he won't be successful socially so when he does talk to a good-looking girl or something i get jealous because of the fact that I am just insecure about my own self. Im not comfortable in my skin and that translates to a superiority complex among other problems. before you go off on me, i realise how bad this is. trust me. and to understand the whole situation with how i don't trust him i urge you to read my previous post where i went over my side of the story. the thing thats causing me OCD is I don't know if I am trying to fix my sense of self worth because of selfish reasons (eg: wanting acceptance from society, changing myself for my future mate so she doesn't leave me, shame if i don't find my self worth because then I'd be hurting people and i knowingly don't do anything about it because i don't think its that big a deal and how society would judge me if they knew) or because I genuinely want to be a better person. the thing is if i stop trying to fix my sense of self worth because of the fear that its due to selfish reasons then i start thinking about how it actually could be a problem and hurtful to others which makes me want to fix it. but i don't know if this is just a way for me to subconsciously achieve my selfish goals or if its actually me being genuinely concerned for the feelings of others. Please give me advice. I don't know what to do. I can't seek therapy btw which is why im asking for help online.