- Sep 22, 2020
- United States
I’ve always known I was depressed and had anxiety but I recently was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I’ve been switching between a few medications and nothing works so I started smoking weed instead. Being isolated in quarantine depleted me completely. I was scared of being alone and so depressed so smoking helped me. Anyway, I have found myself doing more crazy irrational things lately and not caring about the consequences. The more I read about bipolar disorder the more symptoms I notice in myself and I’m scared. Particularly about the worst situation I got into over the summer. I slept with someone who is in a relationship and even worse he’s in a relationship with someone very very close to me. Now I’m in love with him but I’m not dumb enough to think we’d be together. His girlfriend is someone I can’t cut out of my life even if I wanted to (trust me). And even worse, she’s afraid she’s pregnant. So I just need advice on how to live with this. How to live with myself, how to endure their relationship when I’m around them, how to not ruin things. I’ve been emotionally abused and used by so many people my moral compass is off. My mental state is depleted and I’m almost at my last straw. The old me would’ve never gotten into this situation but bipolar me says otherwise. I just need someone to give me advice on how I’m supposed to continue on when I’m in an impossible position.