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In a mess...again

S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
138
Hi

I'm not coping. I have far too much on, mainly relationship related which I always really struggle with.

I have no professional support, I'm in-between care co-ordinators and have no therapist. I know the majority of my issues relate to my relationship with my Dad which on the surface looks great but I'm so scared of him disapproving (which since being a teenager (I'm 47 now), he hasn't really) that I'm consciously anxious about dealing with him. I have a long term partner who is critical and I spend all my time walking on eggshells. I can't cope with it anymore and I don't know what to do.
I want to self harm and I want to take too many meds to give my head a break. I've had DBT so I know the skills to use but I can't find the energy or focus to do them.
Everything is overwhelming - I don't want to go to work as that makes my anxiety goes mad but being at home with my partner is also really stressful. I have no safe place.

I'm scared that I'm going to get to my breaking point which doesn't feel very far away right now.

No idea what I want or need from anyone on here but I needed to vent

x
 
PlasticPilot

PlasticPilot

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
111
Location
Lowestoft
Hello SoSad, sory you are not copping at all well today. dealing with elderly parents can be very stressful i know as i had to help rehouse my mother into a sheltered housing scheme.
Please don't self harm today, it must be so difficult at home with your partner, do you have a CPN you can talk too today ?
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
138
Thanks for replying.
I don't have a CPN - my care co-ordinator left and I'm now on the unallocated list - a very long list I've been told. I have a lovely GP but she has been off sick and although she is back its only for a couple of weeks then she leaves. I feel very isolated and very alone.
 
PlasticPilot

PlasticPilot

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
111
Location
Lowestoft
I do sympathise with you SoSad, trying to get an appointment with your own GP is next to impossible these days. Please try and keep yourself distracted from the self harm in some way.
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,144
Hi

I'm not coping. I have far too much on, mainly relationship related which I always really struggle with.

I have no professional support, I'm in-between care co-ordinators and have no therapist. I know the majority of my issues relate to my relationship with my Dad which on the surface looks great but I'm so scared of him disapproving (which since being a teenager (I'm 47 now), he hasn't really) that I'm consciously anxious about dealing with him. I have a long term partner who is critical and I spend all my time walking on eggshells. I can't cope with it anymore and I don't know what to do.
I want to self harm and I want to take too many meds to give my head a break. I've had DBT so I know the skills to use but I can't find the energy or focus to do them.
Everything is overwhelming - I don't want to go to work as that makes my anxiety goes mad but being at home with my partner is also really stressful. I have no safe place.

I'm scared that I'm going to get to my breaking point which doesn't feel very far away right now.

No idea what I want or need from anyone on here but I needed to vent

x
I would recommend two self books to you Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler and The Mindful way through depression by Kabat Zinn. Both also come in audio format which I found extremely helpful. I’ve bern in exactly the place you are now. Try not to panic yourself and stay as calm as you can. You can post all day long in here if you wanted to or you are more than welcome to message me if you feel more comfortable doing that. You are not alone with us lot who are going through exactly the same thing. 🤗
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,144
Sorry.
I would recommend two self books to you Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler and The Mindful way through depression by Kabat Zinn. Both also come in audio format which I found extremely helpful. I’ve bern in exactly the place you are now. Try not to panic yourself and stay as calm as you can. You can post all day long in here if you wanted to or you are more than welcome to message me if you feel more comfortable doing that. You are not alone with us lot who are going through exactly the same thing. 🤗
Sorry first book I recommended was wrong should have been Mindfulness for Borderline Personality Disorder by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen.
 
S

so sad

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 24, 2016
Messages
138
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will look at those books - I already do some mindfulness every day but the books look interesting.
Its the fear that I can't change the way things are - I feel like a weak idiot for letting people say and do what they want and I can't react. It hurts that I am so worthless
 
Newstartformetoday

Newstartformetoday

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
437
Location
Hull
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will look at those books - I already do some mindfulness every day but the books look interesting.
Its the fear that I can't change the way things are - I feel like a weak idiot for letting people say and do what they want and I can't react. It hurts that I am so worthless
Your not worthless at all, you are a beautiful human being dealing well in my opinion in what is a difficult time in your life.

Weakness comes from those who believe they don’t need help, strength comes from those that accept that they do.

You are the latter ..... you are strong 💪🙏💪
 
PlasticPilot

PlasticPilot

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 14, 2020
Messages
111
Location
Lowestoft
Nobody is worthless, i believe human beings are unique in this universe and when you look into outer space at night and see all those stars you realise we are the only intelligent life it opens your mind to the wonders of why do we exist. We are all unique and special in this universe.
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,144
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I will look at those books - I already do some mindfulness every day but the books look interesting.
Its the fear that I can't change the way things are - I feel like a weak idiot for letting people say and do what they want and I can't react. It hurts that I am so worthless
Firstly be aware it’s not just you that feels that way, most if not all of us do. It’s just part of having BPD. Having had difficulties in our life we are left with extreme negative core beliefs about ourselves, we are worthless, we are unloveable and that we really don’t matter in the world. These are not true but we believe them to be, so when anything stressful happens these thoughts are triggered making us suffer. It’s not YOU though and they are false assumptions. Please do get the books I recommend they will help you I’m sure. Meanwhile we are all here to help and support you and each other.
 
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