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In a dark, dark place

L

Lab rat

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Feb 6, 2020
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I normally try to keep my posts light. Can’t seem to find that. It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling with the cognitive symptoms, but I’m getting dark thoughts... and I’m getting worn down by now. I had a video chat with my pdoc and said something, not sure what, that made him chuckle. Now I’m getting extremely paranoid that he doesn’t believe me and will say I’m lying and will stop my meds. I’m too old for prison again and really don’t want to go back into the psyche ward. I can’t cope with much more of this, going to try to have an early night. He is a new pdoc, my last one retired. Maybe, I
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
oh you sound like you are really struggling right now ,the doctor won't withdraw your meds
you won't believe the thoughts i have when i have seen my psych
i analyse everything that has been said ,do you suffer from anxiety Lab rat? it sounds like you might be having anxious thoughts the same i do when i see my psych
i can almost guarantee you ,that you will not be taken off your meds ,next time could someone you know be with you at the meeting?
lots of love to you ,im sorry to see you struggling so
please be better soon x love Lu x
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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@Lab rat : Please keep talking to us. I am certain your pdoc was taking you seriously and is not going to stop your meds. Things sound hard enough without worrying unnecessarily about that...his 'chuckle' has just magnified in your mind and taken on all sorts of interpretations that just aren't there.

Please don't worry about. An early night sounds like a good idea - sleep is healing.

Sending you lots of love and best wishes for a peaceful evening and comfortable night x
 
L

Lab rat

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Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
709
Location
UK
I guess I have been overdoing it a bit as of late. I spoke to my cpn about the suicidal thoughts and she is worried about me. So am I tonight. There’s a darkness I can’t seem to cut through. I’m thinking all kinds of crap I shouldn’t. I don’t know what it is, my last 2 pdocs have been great, I just can’t click with this guy. I can’t even gear up to do some coding tonight and that usually relaxes me, finding order in disorder. I always knew I wasn’t going to reach an old age. Paranoid? Yes, I think so? Wrong? Maybe? Thinking is so hard! I know I have to wait to see what happens, but the waiting is torture
 
L

Lab rat

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
709
Location
UK
oh you sound like you are really struggling right now ,the doctor won't withdraw your meds
you won't believe the thoughts i have when i have seen my psych
i analyse everything that has been said ,do you suffer from anxiety Lab rat? it sounds like you might be having anxious thoughts the same i do when i see my psych
i can almost guarantee you ,that you will not be taken off your meds ,next time could someone you know be with you at the meeting?
lots of love to you ,im sorry to see you struggling so
please be better soon x love Lu x
Yes, I do suffer with anxiety... and panic attacks
 
L

Lab rat

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Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
709
Location
UK
well remember that it is your anxiety talking x you will be fine everything will be fine
there is no problem that can't be sorted x
Thanks, I think I am anxious, going to try to sleep, can’t think at all, mental traffic jam
 
L

Lab rat

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Feb 6, 2020
Messages
709
Location
UK
I had an early night. Didn’t help. Was awake most of It. Can feel everything I’ve got slipping away. I’m in hell and I’m alone. Not much to say, I did what I did. Don’t care. Man cannot live on bread alone. Nobody will mis. F el like I’m just rambling. Thoughts are disconnected I am disconnected. Everohing comes to an end. When all said and done. When you reach out for help, you find out who your true friends are. I have a cat.

@Tvgirl how do I close my account? I can’t find the link?

love to one and all
 
EdEd

EdEd

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Dec 21, 2019
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USA
You seem like a good guy going through a rough patch.. I hope your thoughts get back in order and you can start to make sense of everything more easily.
 
T

Tvgirl

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Joined
Jul 20, 2019
Messages
1,547
Location
United States
I had an early night. Didn’t help. Was awake most of It. Can feel everything I’ve got slipping away. I’m in hell and I’m alone. Not much to say, I did what I did. Don’t care. Man cannot live on bread alone. Nobody will mis. F el like I’m just rambling. Thoughts are disconnected I am disconnected. Everohing comes to an end. When all said and done. When you reach out for help, you find out who your true friends are. I have a cat.

@Tvgirl how do I close my account? I can’t find the link?

love to one and all
I hope you be ok. Just remember, this too shall pass. Message @TiredTina and tell her you want to close your account.
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
10,194
Location
UK
I had an early night. Didn’t help. Was awake most of It. Can feel everything I’ve got slipping away. I’m in hell and I’m alone. Not much to say, I did what I did. Don’t care. Man cannot live on bread alone. Nobody will mis. F el like I’m just rambling. Thoughts are disconnected I am disconnected. Everohing comes to an end. When all said and done. When you reach out for help, you find out who your true friends are. I have a cat.

@Tvgirl how do I close my account? I can’t find the link?

love to one and all

@Lab rat : You sound as if you’ve hit rock bottom with depression. I’ve been there and it’s miserable and terrifying. I had to have antidepressants - I couldn’t have got out of it without them.

Everything will appear pointless and hopeless and joyless - that’s depression, not the reality. It’s like looking in a distorted mirror. You can’t trust your feelings right now - just set your sights on getting better and accepting these negative thoughts as a symptom.

It would help you to speak to your doctor on Monday and get some support. Please keep talking to us.

Sending you love and hoping today has been a better day xxx
 
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