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Impacts on everyday life?

K

KittyCat92

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I passed my driving test in October so I’m still a fairly newish driver, I drive almost every single day.

Today I went to pull out and go right at a junction, nothing to my left at all, one car on the right, it was a safe enough gap for me to go so I did and the other car driver beeped their horn at me really aggressively as if I shouldn’t have pulled out. It was a gap with enough time and space to not be a problem.

I’m an over-thinker at the best of times but why am I feeling so guilty for pulling out when on a daily basis I have to brake, sometimes actually slam the brakes on because someone has pulled out way closer on me.

It just seems to make my mind spiral into something much worse.

I never ever want to feel intimidated on the roads to the point that I don’t want to drive, it’s something I love doing but my mind just won’t quit.

I end up feeling like I’m just not good enough.

I know it sounds so irrational really I know. Please tell me I’m not the only one?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Driving is very stressful nowadays because so many people are distracted, in a hurry, or very upset about something going on in their own life. Those things have nothing to do with you. I have been told by someone they hope that i crash and die and it was actually his fault, i was barely moving.

Please don't be put off. Driving now, you have to be so aware of others for them because they are not always paying attention themselves.

I have saved many people from getting speeding tickets as i have not been breaking the speed limit but they have been right behind me trying to scare me or overtake.
 
TooMuchPain

TooMuchPain

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I remember getting honked at when I was a new driver. And being confused on what I did. People show me one finger pointing up and I have no idea what the sky has to do with my driving?

It will come with experience. For me, I didn't give big trucks enough room when I changed lanes in front of them. I didn't realize that big trucks need more room to stop; and now I was in their safety gap.

Just do your best to be safe and give others room. Driving gets better with experience.
 
K

KittyCat92

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I know it seems like such a small, tiny thing in comparison to everything but driving is one of the most important things to me in my life and I don’t want to feel the way I do when something like this happens.

I am one of those people who feels like they’ve done something wrong even when I haven’t, I find it hard to know the difference sometimes.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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The problem is clearly how you react to things and your thinking styles rather than the driving or the event itself. I imagine you'd be the same if you accidentally knocked a glass jar off a shelf in a supermarket and smashed it and its contents all over the aisle and possibly people's shoes/legs too.
Accidents happen, mistakes happen, errors in judgement happen, and yes, even overthinking happens, but you can't let your own mind run away with itself at such times. You have to get in there and interrupt the flow of thoughts so they don't spiral and consume you.
Try taking a look at some of the links on this site, they should help: About Automatic Thoughts | Get.gg - Getselfhelp.co.uk
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Driving is very stressful nowadays because so many people are distracted, in a hurry, or very upset about something going on in their own life. Those things have nothing to do with you. I have been told by someone they hope that i crash and die and it was actually his fault, i was barely moving.

Please don't be put off. Driving now, you have to be so aware of others for them because they are not always paying attention themselves.

I have saved many people from getting speeding tickets as i have not been breaking the speed limit but they have been right behind me trying to scare me or overtake.
Same thing in the USA, people are driving like idiots. I think part of it is the stress from the Pandemic, people taking it out on the roads.
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

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I don't drive but when I have been in the car with my ex I have seen some pretty poor examples of driving. My ex swears very infrequentl y but the curse words come out a lot when we are on the road.
 
S

strawberrywater

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Oh no, it's not you at all. Drivers are crazy these days. I drive 6 days a week and every single time I run into crazy drivers - I get tail gaited when driving 10 mph over in the slow lane... I get tail gated doing the speed limit in a small, residential area (where everyone needs to have extra caution for children and pets).

I recommend that you take a defensive driving course, if you can. You will learn how to drive safer and smarter, but you'll also learn how to recognize and ignore bad/aggressive drivers. It will change your views and you will feel confident about yourself.

My instructor told me, when someone honks at me, "Think of their horn as beautiful music" haha Never react to those aggressive people - they will make you have a crash, then drive on their merry way. Keep driving like you were taught, and even consider a defensive driving class to improve your skills and help ease your mind 😊 Trust me - it's them, not you.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Same thing in the USA, people are driving like idiots. I think part of it is the stress from the Pandemic, people taking it out on the roads.
That too probably although it has been bad here for years now.

Where i live i have the slower and cautious locals plus the idiots racing from the city to the coast down our main road. They don't give people a chance to cross a roundabout as they pull out on you trying to hurry you up. They overtake constantly and dangerously. They cannot seem to wait for a gap in traffic, they barge in. It makes me nervous.
 
M

Mistral

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The right turn manoeuvre coming out of a road onto another road causes more fatal accidents than any other. The driver exiting the road needs to leave a lot more time than just the time it takes to cross the other side and straighten up. Cars can stall half way across the road, or a car on the main road might not see the side road and pass another car coming up to it causing a head-on collision with the car exiting the side road as it straightens up. Also an on-coming driver might be travelling a lot faster than you think.
 
K

KittyCat92

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Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
168
Location
United Kingdom
The problem is clearly how you react to things and your thinking styles rather than the driving or the event itself. I imagine you'd be the same if you accidentally knocked a glass jar off a shelf in a supermarket and smashed it and its contents all over the aisle and possibly people's shoes/legs too.
Accidents happen, mistakes happen, errors in judgement happen, and yes, even overthinking happens, but you can't let your own mind run away with itself at such times. You have to get in there and interrupt the flow of thoughts so they don't spiral and consume you.
Try taking a look at some of the links on this site, they should help: About Automatic Thoughts | Get.gg - Getselfhelp.co.uk
I know it is, I can be right about something and having an argument with someone trying to tell me I’m wrong and I will start to doubt myself. I always feel like I’m doing something wrong even when I haven’t. It’s just noticing how it impacts on my life in everyday situations, I wonder if I didn’t have depression whether my mind would be different in that aspect?!
Thank you for the link 🙂
 
K

KittyCat92

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Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
168
Location
United Kingdom
Oh no, it's not you at all. Drivers are crazy these days. I drive 6 days a week and every single time I run into crazy drivers - I get tail gaited when driving 10 mph over in the slow lane... I get tail gated doing the speed limit in a small, residential area (where everyone needs to have extra caution for children and pets).

I recommend that you take a defensive driving course, if you can. You will learn how to drive safer and smarter, but you'll also learn how to recognize and ignore bad/aggressive drivers. It will change your views and you will feel confident about yourself.

My instructor told me, when someone honks at me, "Think of their horn as beautiful music" haha Never react to those aggressive people - they will make you have a crash, then drive on their merry way. Keep driving like you were taught, and even consider a defensive driving class to improve your skills and help ease your mind 😊 Trust me - it's them, not you.
Honestly I think I could do with a defensive driving course! Did you do that with the instructor that taught you all your other lessons or is it like a specific course?

I find it so hard to ignore angry and impatient drivers who try to intimidate me into thinking I did something wrong 😩
 
K

KittyCat92

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That too probably although it has been bad here for years now.

Where i live i have the slower and cautious locals plus the idiots racing from the city to the coast down our main road. They don't give people a chance to cross a roundabout as they pull out on you trying to hurry you up. They overtake constantly and dangerously. They cannot seem to wait for a gap in traffic, they barge in. It makes me nervous.
Roundabouts and junctions I have to slam my brakes on a lot where I am because people go when they shouldn’t have but even though I left a very safe gap this person decided I’d done it wrong 😩 then I start to believe that I was wrong and then I feel a bit anxious!
 
S

strawberrywater

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Honestly I think I could do with a defensive driving course! Did you do that with the instructor that taught you all your other lessons or is it like a specific course?

I find it so hard to ignore angry and impatient drivers who try to intimidate me into thinking I did something wrong 😩
Yes I had the same instructor teach me the basics of driving, prepared me to pass both the written and road tests, and taught me defensive driving techniques. Defensive driving is all the regular parts of driving, it's just in a smarter/safer way. But since you already did the basics, you can find a course for just the defensive aspects. I think it would be very beneficial for you and help with your anxiety. It will make you more confident but not cocky (cockiness will cause wrecks!) I was very anxious about driving before but I'm so much better now. I still don't like highways though 😅

I totally understand how it's hard to ignore angry and impatient drivers, I still sometimes struggle with that. Yes they are trying to intimidate you, but you are the better driver by ignoring it. Road rage seems to be on the rise everywhere, and here in the US there is an alarming increase in road rage shootings. You can never anticipate how someone will react in a road rage incident, so you must ignore them. Never engage or give the finger, etc. If you ever feel very unsafe, if someone is following you or trying to run you off the road, drive to the nearest police station or call the police. Don't ever feel like you're bothering them by calling - that's why they're there 😊
 
K

KittyCat92

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Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
168
Location
United Kingdom
Yes I had the same instructor teach me the basics of driving, prepared me to pass both the written and road tests, and taught me defensive driving techniques. Defensive driving is all the regular parts of driving, it's just in a smarter/safer way. But since you already did the basics, you can find a course for just the defensive aspects. I think it would be very beneficial for you and help with your anxiety. It will make you more confident but not cocky (cockiness will cause wrecks!) I was very anxious about driving before but I'm so much better now. I still don't like highways though 😅

I totally understand how it's hard to ignore angry and impatient drivers, I still sometimes struggle with that. Yes they are trying to intimidate you, but you are the better driver by ignoring it. Road rage seems to be on the rise everywhere, and here in the US there is an alarming increase in road rage shootings. You can never anticipate how someone will react in a road rage incident, so you must ignore them. Never engage or give the finger, etc. If you ever feel very unsafe, if someone is following you or trying to run you off the road, drive to the nearest police station or call the police. Don't ever feel like you're bothering them by calling - that's why they're there 😊
Sorry for all the questions but can you do the course with the instructor that you had even if it’s been a few months since I passed? It’s just he was a fantastic teacher and really great at keeping me calm, I got on so well with him!

I’ve sworn a few times but obviously they can’t hear that 😂 I’ve never even beeped my horn when I probably should of because I always doubt myself that it’s appropriate to do so. Do you know what I mean?
 
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