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Imagined scenarios

R

Recoveringcloud

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Lebanon
hello,
I have bpd with histrionic traits, and there’s something i do that i just wanna see if someone else does too. Because im honestly freaking out at myself.
And im so embarrassed.
so even since i was like 12 (im 22 now), i’ve had these daydreams of being sick, injured, hurt…
Like i would imagine myself being hit my car, breaking my leg, having cancer, having some kind of surgery… you name it. Whenever i felt bad about myself, whenever i felt distressed, i would go to this place in my mind and live in these scenarios. I would imagine every single detail. the moment the thing happened, the doctors, the hospital, my parents finding out, my friends, recovering, getting out of the hospital…. And repeat it over and over again, sometimes changing details or creating different variations. And the thing is, i always wished these things would happen to me.
im sure there are things in my childhood that have caused this. I remember feeling neglected when i was sick, and wishing my mom or someone to see me hurting and take care of me.
i think this has led me to crave attention in this form. It’s like a void that never gets filled.
This comes and goes depending on what’s going on in my life, i’ve managed to stop myself from going there whenever i feel bad, but recently i noticed that it still comes, but it’s almost only triggered by a potential surgery, a potential diagnosis… like right now i have a problem with my hand and I might need surgery. Ever since i was told that, i’ve been obsessively researching, watching people having surgeries, learning about anesthesia and every single detail. So i could live it accurately in my imagination. And i can’t stop repeating the scenarios in my head. I find it soothing, and I don’t feel like doing anything else in my life. But im also very distressed because i know it’s not good for me and that i have more important things to do. But i keep coming back to my imagination.
i’m sorry this was too long, i’m waiting on an appointment with my therapist, and right now at 2 am i only have random internet people.
So yeah..
anyone else or am i just seriously flawed.
 
DaisyD77

DaisyD77

New member
Joined
Nov 17, 2021
Messages
4
Location
US
I can relate for sure. I always imagine scenarios before I fall asleep, and most of the time they're situations where I'm in a devastating situation (car crash, cancer), but I manage to recover from. It's always made me uncomfortable as to why I like coming up with those.
I don't know the reason behind it, but for me at least, I think it may be because those are issues people can actually see? I have trouble sharing with people about my mental health anyway, so no one really knows what I'm going through day to day. However, if I'm in a car crash for example, that's something that's obvious and there and people can see the trauma.
I wish I had more to help, but I definitely do not think you are alone in this.
I hope things go well with your surgery too.
 
R

Recoveringcloud

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Lebanon
Oh yes the fact that these things are visible, unlike what we’re feeling on the inside. Makes sense.
thank you for replying.
and no worries, i’m not looking for help, i’ll see my therapist soon and talk to her about it, but i just wanted to know if anyone else relates because i feel so alone.
thank you 💕
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 31, 2015
Messages
1,935
I sort of do this too, but less severe scenarios. I'll daydream I'm sick or injured and being taken care of by my Favourite Person. I feel comforted, heard, seen, understood, cared for, and like I'm exempt from having to be responsible for things, like no one can expect me to do things I can't deal with because I'm visibly not able. (as opposed to normally, when I look fine but am still not able to deal with stuff).

I used to self harm for sort of similar reasons.
 
B

bri7

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Italy
You're not alone:)
I do this too, like when i go out for a walk with my dog I imagine me falling down the stairs and getting injured, then i imagine a car or a truck killing my dog. I always imagine dramatic scenarios and they are so realistic and detailed that they seem happening for real. Those thoughts "scare" me a little bit, but at the same time I wish they were real so I could die forever.
 
A

Aiden

New member
Joined
Nov 19, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Germany
I can definitely relate to this, too. I oftentimes imagine myself in dramatic scenes where I actually get injured. Personally, I think this comes from the neglect I've experienced from my parents and my mother still practising the good, old 'It's not that bad' or 'You should be doing things but all I see is you lying in bed!' Personally, I don't even find it scary. Logically, I know it's bad, wrong, definitely not a "normal" behaviour. But I find it soothing and oftentimes I crave injuries just so that someone actually validates my feelings rather than, you know, telling me to stop being upset about something, or accusing me of just being lazy.

I once read something about people with trauma or people who grew up in an unstable household to purposefully expose themselves to darker themes in order to feel safe again. Basically, when we grow up, we're meant to be in a safe relationship full of understanding, emotional control, etc., etc. But if you didn't get that and were raised in an unstable household where you, for example, got held accountable for your parents' emotions, your mind associates safety with unsafety, and thus tries to go back to this safe place through other means.

I can see how this is related to wishing for something dooming and bad to happen. But personally, it probably gives me a lot more comfort than it should.

You're definitely not alone!
 
Until

Until

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
271
Location
uk
hello,
I have bpd with histrionic traits, and there’s something i do that i just wanna see if someone else does too. Because im honestly freaking out at myself.
And im so embarrassed.
so even since i was like 12 (im 22 now), i’ve had these daydreams of being sick, injured, hurt…
Like i would imagine myself being hit my car, breaking my leg, having cancer, having some kind of surgery… you name it. Whenever i felt bad about myself, whenever i felt distressed, i would go to this place in my mind and live in these scenarios. I would imagine every single detail. the moment the thing happened, the doctors, the hospital, my parents finding out, my friends, recovering, getting out of the hospital…. And repeat it over and over again, sometimes changing details or creating different variations. And the thing is, i always wished these things would happen to me.
im sure there are things in my childhood that have caused this. I remember feeling neglected when i was sick, and wishing my mom or someone to see me hurting and take care of me.
i think this has led me to crave attention in this form. It’s like a void that never gets filled.
This comes and goes depending on what’s going on in my life, i’ve managed to stop myself from going there whenever i feel bad, but recently i noticed that it still comes, but it’s almost only triggered by a potential surgery, a potential diagnosis… like right now i have a problem with my hand and I might need surgery. Ever since i was told that, i’ve been obsessively researching, watching people having surgeries, learning about anesthesia and every single detail. So i could live it accurately in my imagination. And i can’t stop repeating the scenarios in my head. I find it soothing, and I don’t feel like doing anything else in my life. But im also very distressed because i know it’s not good for me and that i have more important things to do. But i keep coming back to my imagination.
i’m sorry this was too long, i’m waiting on an appointment with my therapist, and right now at 2 am i only have random internet people.
So yeah..
anyone else or am i just seriously flawed.
It reads like you are just needing some attention, feel like you haven't had this and daydream about scenarios where people will care and give you attention. If you felt neglected as a child it's the child in you saying please look after me and care about me, because you didn't get that when you should have, you want it which is perfectly normal and so you imagine situations where you may have someone care also when people are lonely I think they just need something to ease their loneliness
 
D

Dwight7

Well-known member
Joined
May 9, 2021
Messages
107
Location
TX
Everyone daydreams. But the imagined scenarios and disassociating is a problem for me also.

I have to fight to stay in reality. I wake up early and write two lists on a legal pad: one for gratitude, and one for things I’m good at. I then flip the page over and write out my thoughts. This takes about 30 min.

This sets the tone for my day, and helps establish my reality. Gets me out of my head and strengthens me to fight my BPD battles. Find what works for you
 
Morax

Morax

Member
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
12
Location
Baltimore
I do this also. Even going farther than just being injured at times. Imagining how my family would react at my funeral. I think it, like others have said stems from wanting to be seen and cared for. But, for me, it’s also because I want to punish myself. For whatever reason my mind can justify in the moment. Thanks for sharing.
 
D

Dagoon

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
199
Location
Np20
hello,
I have bpd with histrionic traits, and there’s something i do that i just wanna see if someone else does too. Because im honestly freaking out at myself.
And im so embarrassed.
so even since i was like 12 (im 22 now), i’ve had these daydreams of being sick, injured, hurt…
Like i would imagine myself being hit my car, breaking my leg, having cancer, having some kind of surgery… you name it. Whenever i felt bad about myself, whenever i felt distressed, i would go to this place in my mind and live in these scenarios. I would imagine every single detail. the moment the thing happened, the doctors, the hospital, my parents finding out, my friends, recovering, getting out of the hospital…. And repeat it over and over again, sometimes changing details or creating different variations. And the thing is, i always wished these things would happen to me.
im sure there are things in my childhood that have caused this. I remember feeling neglected when i was sick, and wishing my mom or someone to see me hurting and take care of me.
i think this has led me to crave attention in this form. It’s like a void that never gets filled.
This comes and goes depending on what’s going on in my life, i’ve managed to stop myself from going there whenever i feel bad, but recently i noticed that it still comes, but it’s almost only triggered by a potential surgery, a potential diagnosis… like right now i have a problem with my hand and I might need surgery. Ever since i was told that, i’ve been obsessively researching, watching people having surgeries, learning about anesthesia and every single detail. So i could live it accurately in my imagination. And i can’t stop repeating the scenarios in my head. I find it soothing, and I don’t feel like doing anything else in my life. But im also very distressed because i know it’s not good for me and that i have more important things to do. But i keep coming back to my imagination.
i’m sorry this was too long, i’m waiting on an appointment with my therapist, and right now at 2 am i only have random internet people.
So yeah..
anyone else or am i just seriously flawed.
Omg this definitely hit me in the face. Im glad you brought this up. I always do this. Every single night its exhausting to be fair. Sorry its happening to us but glad im not alone.

Thank you.
 

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