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I'm worried shame is going to fuck up my life

N

notrealname

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Joined
May 4, 2009
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766
Hi there
So, as my signature says, I feel I can put everything mental health wise down to a feeling of shame. I'm not very good at naming emotions so it was only really this year that I was able to decide it was shame I was feeling. Before then, I often thought it was grief because of its association with separation, but actually at separation I tend to feel shame, not grief. Anyway...

Shame. I'm finding that now I know what it is I am more aware when I feel it and aware of its impacts. I'm tending to avoid things or to just feel overwhelmed by things frequently because I already feel ashamed and it's almost like a fear of making things worse if I go and do something and manage to make mistakes.

I'm not really ashamed of anything in particular, btw, except perhaps of shame itself. It's more of a pervasive or chronic feeling that is at its worst when I get bored.

I'm just kind of worried about the impact it's having on work and socialising etc. Because I'm tending to avoid things or want to skulk away or go to sleep/hide etc. as a reprieve then I feel I am holding myself back from a better life. But having awareness of this and being able to logically see there is nothing to be ashamed of doesn't actually help in any way. I'm not aware of any thoughts I am having that are bringing shame on - and I've tried to be aware of my thoughts to see if there is anything there - it seems to be more a kind of natural resting point for me so that my emotional state naturally rests at shame when I am not distracted. I don't tend to feel other emotions very often and the level of pain associated with the emotion is not actually that bad or that distressing for me - it brings on nausea and exhaustion but it's not enough to make me cry for instance - I'm feeling more distressed by the knock-on effects of possibly getting behind on things or missing out on things.

Apart from mindfulness and acceptance - both of which I am dedicated to - I really don't know what I can do?
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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Have you heard of 'Core Beliefs'?
It sounds like you've identified one of your core beliefs about yourself.
As painful and crappy as it might feel, it is essentially positive that you have identified this because it can enable you to change.

I've got a feeling that 'core beliefs' are something that get looked at in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.. not 100% sure but I think that's where I first heard the concept.

Don't know if this is your cup of tea and sometimes they're not always as helpful as they claim to be, but have you tried looking for any self-help books that are particularly around the subject of overcoming shame?
 
N

notrealname

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Joined
May 4, 2009
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766
Thanks, yes I've heard of core beliefs and I think you are right. I've had lots of therapy so I'm also aware of, for instance, childhood experiences that have created core beliefs etc. I feel like I know a lot nowadays, and I think I always knew quite a lot, but now I feel like I pretty much know everything. Although I agree that this would be time for change, more than anything I actually just feel quite tired and sick of it all, to be honest. I think the idea of changing again or working on something new is doing my head in a bit. I'm sort of thinking that I'd rather just live than 'work on myself' and that I feel a bit like I want to just forget about it all and pretend I don't have mental health problems and just live a normal life instead. I think perhaps the shame itself is connected to the idea that I am damaged.

I'll see how it goes just noticing it and agreeing to ignore it and if it continues to make things difficult for me then I'll have another go at self-help, and I've got a therapist at the moment and stuff, but I think for the moment - despite the question from last night - I've decided I just want a break from working on it. :)
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hey, I know what you mean.
Sometimes the working on oneself gets tedious and it comes to a point where you do just want to live. :BLAH:
Just see how it goes - it may be worth talking to your therapist about if it's still an issue.
 
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