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I'm very concious of how I look to other people.

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Generic123

Guest
If I'm having a bad day and a bit moody, and not myself, I feel everyone hates me and is judging me. Like I'm not allowed to have a bad day.
For example if I say goodbye before the weekend to my friends I go home and think how I came across bad and moody and what they think of me now, and they dislike me and they think less of me. Abc I even look in the mirror and try to remember how my face was when I was saying goodbye. I will then obsess over this all weekend until I see them again. This Happens a lot and I'm constantly thinking people are judging me on the way I come across.
I'm starting to think this may not be normal?
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I used to never care. And even when I care, I always get it wrong anyway. Too warm, too cold you name it.

So I just struggle on.

I would say in social scenarios you always have a choice. You can take the lead, or you can follow - its up to you.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I wouldn't say you're abnormal, but it does sound like you're giving this a lot more thought than the average person would.
As you've posted in the social anxiety section, i'm guessing you are aware that you might have anxiety issues?
It also sounds like maybe there's a bit of low self-esteem going on.

Have you ever had any therapy or maybe looked into self-help books that give techniques to help control your thoughts (like CBT)?
 
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Elle-X

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Hi Generic123, sorry to read you're having problems. Has anyone ever said to you that you're acting cold? I'm just wondering if someone put that thought in your head in the first place and that's why you're so conscience now.
 
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Elle-X

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Hi Generic123, sorry to read you're having problems. Has anyone ever said to you that you're acting cold? I'm just wondering if someone put that thought in your head in the first place and that's why you're so conscience now.
Sorry, I meant conscious, not conscience lol.
 
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Generic123

Guest
Hi Generic123, sorry to read you're having problems. Has anyone ever said to you that you're acting cold? I'm just wondering if someone put that thought in your head in the first place and that's why you're so conscience now.
Hello. No one has ever said im cold, but people have said that the way my face sits make me look miserable when in actual fact I don't feel miserable at all. So it make me concious that afterwards I look in the mirror to see how my face may have looked when talking to these people and saying goodbye.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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Sounds like you need acting lessons. That isn't at all flippant - I spent years learning how to act happy/pleasant (even when I wasn't feeling that way) and yes, part of that was practising smiling in the mirror. I still do that from time to time to remind myself how to do it. It doesn't look false if you learn to smile broadly enough to make your eyes crinkle. Making eye contact when you greet someone or say goodbye is also important and many people find that difficult.
 
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Rose19602

Guest
It's difficult with faces...especially as you get older!

My husband has these lines pulling his mouth downwards, but he's normally cheerful....yet he can look quite severe, particularly if he's concentrating on what someone is saying and frowning.

I think anxiety causes frown lines and worry lines and worry does make you unhappy/miserable.

Try to smile...it relaxes the facial muscles and even if you force it, it will help a bit perhaps!


You do sound though, as if worrying about how you "come over" may have become a little "obsessional" for you. Try to remember that most people think more about themselves than others and that most hardly notice others at all!

It is classic anxiety to "hang on" to one comment from someone...and mull it over time and time again, fixating on it. Try to resist thinking about it if you can if you find it is going over and over in your mind.
Remind yourself that you are doing it too much and make yourself stop after 2 visits to the mirror perhaps.....the result will be the same no matter how much you look!

x
 
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Elle-X

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Joined
Dec 21, 2014
Messages
184
Location
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Hello. No one has ever said im cold, but people have said that the way my face sits make me look miserable when in actual fact I don't feel miserable at all. So it make me concious that afterwards I look in the mirror to see how my face may have looked when talking to these people and saying goodbye.
I've been told that I look moody when I'm actually quite calm lol. I tend to watch other people in social situations to see how they react to conversations and situations. It is interesting because no two reactions are the same; they can be similar, but not identical.
 
DrHouston

DrHouston

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If I'm having a bad day and a bit moody, and not myself, I feel everyone hates me and is judging me. Like I'm not allowed to have a bad day.
For example if I say goodbye before the weekend to my friends I go home and think how I came across bad and moody and what they think of me now, and they dislike me and they think less of me. Abc I even look in the mirror and try to remember how my face was when I was saying goodbye. I will then obsess over this all weekend until I see them again. This Happens a lot and I'm constantly thinking people are judging me on the way I come across.
I'm starting to think this may not be normal?
Indeed, I am guessing these kinds of feelings are probably sucking the joy out of your life. I'd just like to add my thoughts here:

- I feel we should dig down all the way to the bottom of the issue where it rises. Every person is important and has their own place in the world, but deep down you are not proud of yourself, and think you're not 'good enough'. Therefore, just like how a thief hiding a necklace in his pocket would be extra sensitive and paranoid about other people looking at him, you are being extra sensitive towards judging what other people think about you.
- So if this is the case, I feel that the one thing that should be a part of your permanent solution is that you should start taking steps towards doing what you really want, deep down. Accomplishing what you really want will automatically lead you to feeling proud of yourself. Once you start gaining this inner 'security', you'll start feeling good about yourself and won't care what others think about you.
- This is certainly a long process, but in the short term, it would help to remind yourself that others are just people like you. They were born and brought up like yourself, with their own set of parents, families, friends, education, ambitions, problems, and hopes from the future. They are also seeking to be liked and loved by the people around them. You, form only a small part of their world. And chances are, you have been nice to them when they needed you and have shown how good or bad of a friend you are going to be. They've already made an impression of you. So a momentary flicker of your face is not going to change their impression about you.

I hope I haven't blared on too long, and wish you the very best!
 
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