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I'm very ambivalent...

Envious_

Envious_

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Maryland
Everything I think about is filled with contradicting thoughts and ideas? Like am I a hedonistic being or a Nihilistic one?
I wish I had a better life but the same time I enjoy the suffering that has been going on inside of me? I'm envious and hate everyone around me. Sometimes I feel like I have a false sense of superiority even though I'm not special at all and I'm like everyone else. Two days ago, I saw my third therapist, every time I'm in therapy all my thoughts are crammed together and I can't speak at all because I have nothing good to say, like my thoughts are incoherent and everything is moving around me but I'm not moving at all. All I do is sit there and wait for my therapist to say something to break the silence that I caused. She asked me about my symptoms but I had nothing to add because my dad helped me with my symptoms. I think he forgot about my experiences with auditory hallucinations because he didn't mention it at all. I felt like being the one saying it but I thought she wouldn't believe and i thought it didn't matter because this therapy doesn't specialize with psychotic symptoms. I feel like post has gotten the basics of my thoughts but I feel like there is more to my mind than this. Like I didn't say everything that I feel like has gone around. I feel like telling my dad about my weird sensations but I feel like he is going to brush them off. And my sister doesn't do much, all she says to me is that it's normal to feel like this or it isn't a big of a deal. My sister isn't the greatest person and she is severely mental ill, so I guess it isn't good advice to take from her. Therapy doesn't do that much but it makes me feel worse. I feel like trying a new type of therapy or another therapist. But my dad won't do anything to change it and wants to do a couple other sessions with my new therapist. Who I genuinely see as pretentious. I'll probably say more stuff later today so have a good day. (sorry if there are any grammar errors...)
 
Schitzoaffective007

Schitzoaffective007

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 17, 2020
Messages
172
Location
Florida USA
Try writing down things before going to see your therapist...or like...keep a journal of how you feel...then you can read it to them, use it as a reference, or you can just let them read it. Maybe this would be a good start...or ask them why you have difficulty expressing yourself...let them do their job.
 
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