I'm unable to hold down jobs

[xxtokyoxx]

So I'm a 24 (F) I've been working since high school doing mostly customer service work , some retail, and office jobs.

Last year in October I got a job at a dental office doing an office related job. It was Monday-Friday but it was very stressful. It involved alot of catch up because they hadn't had a full time person doing the job for months. Eventually I reached my breaking point, I was so stressed out I literally secretly packed all my stuff up and left. I told my boss it was a family emergency and then never came back. I finally emailed my boss the next day I wasnt ever coming back to personal reasons. I was so embarrassed I didn't tell my husband for a few weeks. I felt like such a lover.

I had some other jobs that didn't work out after that because I literally would panic so bad during the 1st day or sometimes just wouldn't show up at all. I know its so unprofessional. But my anixety reached extremely high levels about working.

I just started a new job at a company that has been my dream to work out. It has to do with what I'm going back to school for currently. But I can barely concentrate in the training, the job is completely out of my realm of what I'm used to and I'm already feeling like I have no idea what to do. I've never been this lost in a job ever before.

I'm just ready to tell them the truth and that this just isn't a good fit for me. It is another customer support related job and I think thats some of my issue I've developed such a fear of jobs like that.

I'm thinking of just doing freelance work, which i have been doing already some. Because right now I don't think I can handle normal 9-5 work. I just keep messing up and end up leaving jobs. I feel so guilty though because my husband and family will be so disappointed. But I'm really having it rough. On top of that I'm pregnant with my first kid and my emotions are all over the place. I dont know if itd normal or its something I need to tell my DR and see about possible medication. I just know my mental state right now isn't good. I'm dealing with so much anxiety about work and dealing with intrusive thoughts. I have random almost suicidial thoughts and it scares me. On one hand I feel like I'm overacting and just being a brat. But its how I feel and I know its bad to consider quitting another job but I can't keep going through this. I need to feel clarity and not feel so horrible about myself. I need an stable income though because I have debt to pay off so I know if I quit I have such little time to find freelance work.

Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation? How did you get out of it? I have been in and out of therapy before but I am not seeing a therapist now. I just haven't found one 100% to connect and will be honest with.

 

[Am33]

Congrats about your baby if it was me I would let all that work stuff go. Bring in new life should be your main concern. Making yourself peaceful as you can be for the baby to grow in you .Everything you do will effect the baby .When women get this weird cravings its because its their body telling them what the baby needs .I would get a easy job where there is no stress at all for the time being until after the baby comes .Get out in nature calm your mind down . Focus on making the best environment in your body for the baby .Positive Affirmations etc..

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

welcome to the forum x love Lu x

 

[Abstract]

i believe my brother was a freelance artist because of this. he actually did really well on his own. i started my own small business when i was around 25 and loved it. whenever i think about working for someone else. the thought bores me and standing somewhere just looking at these four walls and nothing to look forward to at some hospital or whatever makes me wanna run and scream. in my, last job my supervisor had to to be one of the worst people i ever met.my coworker had a nervous breakdown. it was an extremely high pressure environment. ive never had a steady job either, im a freelance worker forever from now on.

 

[natalie]

I always advise members old and new, that it is grey area, it is always adviseable, if one has had problems with whatever the reason, paid work, and then become mentally ill, or during work, getting a paid job, that it is always best to stick with volunteering. That way, if one suffering with mental illness, be it stress related or not, then prospective volunter employers, can then tell if you generally this is keep to a job.


Congratulations on you for you expecting.