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i'm trapped in a toxic friendship with a sociopath

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wasteman420

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
85
Location
UK
This is kind of difficult for me to put into words as its something i've been pushing to the back of my mind for a while, but i’ve finally kind of accepted and recognised the fact that this friendship I am in is indeed very fucking toxic.

So for context, i've been friends with this guy for about 3 years - we'll call him Chris - and best friends for about the past year of that. We're both autistic so that was something to connect us from the get-go, plus the fact we both enjoy a little smoke sesh, and with him having more connections than me we were a perfect match.

Initially, we went out on a couple dates but decided we were better as friends, me being the slag that I am and him not so well endowed, I wasn't really interested in dating him so we got over the brief awkward phase and eventually started hanging out just as pals, smoking together or fishing every couple weeks, which eventually turned from weekly to multiple times a week to every day. He'd let me smoke his weed for free and I'd pay for beers and munch in exchange and we enjoyed eachother's company so we both benefitted from it. Lockdown definitely played a part in the increased intensity of our friendship - the rules in my area at the time only allowed us to hang out with select people and both of us are hermits so we'd just hang out with eachother and virtually no one else.

I enjoy having time to myself and value days off to recover from seeing people so sometimes I'd get annoyed at him for being clingy, but it was easier to avoid him when we were hanging out less as it wasn't so much of a big deal if we went a day without seeing eachother. But now we're at the point where it feels weird when we don't hang out, and if i try to avoid him then he'll clock on that somethings up and confront me about it - something i don't want as i'm veryy conflict phobic lol.

At some point last year he told me that he was diagnosed with sociopathic traits which didn't come as much of a surprise what with his lack of empathy and disregard for other life forms and his way of charming anyone into getting his own way. I didn't really think much of it at the time, being used to his ways and able to tolerate the negatives as we were super close and bc I was benefitting from the friendship I didn't really mind.

However, as time has passed he's got increasingly more possessive of me and disrespectful of my boundaries which has raised a lot of red flags. Chris is a pretty reckless little dude, having numerous risky hobbies, several of which he's roped me into over the years - including chopping wood with a hand axe. At one point he mentioned that if anyone hurt me then he'd fuck them up with his axe, and obviously you'd take that as a joke right? nah, he'd actually do it. I laughed it off at the time but it unsettled me and i became more cautious of him. He brought it up again in his joking-not-joking way another time when I mentioned being interested in a guy (bc he demands to know everything about my life) and he said he'd looked him up in my instagram follows and said he recognised his car & could easily go and put a hatchet through the windshield.

He's he type of guy who's a blessing when you're on his good side but if you cross him then he will fuck you. I'm at the point where i feel trapped in this friendship out of fear that he'll do something to me or one of my friends/family if i break up with him bc even if i try to be rational about it he will probably go off the rails bc he is so attached to me and won't listen to reason. We know too many of eachother's worst secrets that we could use as ammo to fuck the other's life up if we fell out so that's motivation to stay on good terms.

And the thing is, despite all of it i still love him and enjoy his company when he's not being a fucking pest, which is how i know i'm trapped - he's gotten into the habit of incessantly prodding me for fun bc it invokes a reaction from me, something i've told him repeatedly that i HATE and that it's disrespectful of my boundaries yet he still continues to do it. He litters in my car when i've told him to take his shit with him, gets annoyed when i ask him not to smoke in my car bc it's inconvenient for him, asks me for too many favours and tells me i have to oblige bc he gives me free drugs, all the while acting like he's such an innocent little lamb, "i'm autistic so i can do no wrong", but he's a creepy little pervert who exploits me and guilts me into doing things i don't wanna do.

I feel like because we've gotten too comfortable, i've become like a pet to him - he feeds me weed, enjoys my quiet company and pesters me for fun, except the difference is when I pester my cat I STOP when she gets pissed off instead of continuing to disrespect her when she clearly does not want it - something which he does NOT do.

I'm just tired man.

sorry this was long, i needed to get it out, thanks if you read all the way x
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2021
Messages
63
Location
Nowhere in particular.
I kind of get the impression you're not fully processing the situation because on one hand you say you actually fear for your safety and that of others if you move away from him and other times it sounds like he's just an annoying and a somewhat possessive, shitty friend.

And those are two very different degrees of toxicity, so maybe you have to work on coming to terms with the situation.

I'd usually say to just be honest about it but if he may really be dangerous then if I were you I would try and think of a way to get him to dethatch without out right confronting him, so in a way he's the one that makes the choice to break things.

You say he keeps you around in the role of maybe like a fun pet, well then who keeps really boring and unresponsive pets? claim you're depressed or something similar and just do whatever you think will make him grow bored with you the quickest.
 
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wasteman420

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 3, 2020
Messages
85
Location
UK
you're right, i still am processing the situation but the fact is he makes me uncomfortable and encourages my bad habits and wreckless behaviour and i need to focus on my health right now and actually see other friends instead of feeling obligated to see him and only him and repeatedly letting him convince me that its fine when I don't feel fine about certain things.

You say he keeps you around in the role of maybe like a fun pet, well then who keeps really boring and unresponsive pets? claim you're depressed or something similar and just do whatever you think will make him grow bored with you the quickest.
Good advice there, thankyou
 
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