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I'm tired of pretending to be happy

Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Apr 22, 2020
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Germany
Just today I had anxiety and paranoia again. I thought it was getting better after it went away, but somewhere in my mind these negative thoughts are still there.

Just last week I talked to a therapist and I thought everything was going well. I mentioned how during my childhood, I was sexually abused and how my mind goes from one thought to another. One minute I believe myself, the next I feel like I deserved it. Other times I feel like I'm just a liar. She told me that something must have happened to cause me to be this hurt in my life, and suggested I continue getting help which I agreed with.

I have people who support me. Both my parents care very much about me and believe me, and I trust them. That really does help me a lot.

I just feel awful because my aunt doesn't believe me and her husband (or ex now, I'm not really sure) is being defended by her. I haven't heard from them in years, and a part of me wanted to believe none of it was true so that I could 'move on' but it continues to bother me. My aunt used to care about me when I was a kid, and now she wants nothing to do with me. I try to pretend I don't care and remain 'happy' but really these thoughts bother me a lot.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I'm sorry you're unhappy, it sounds like you really deserve some happiness in your life after all you've been through.

Do you know what might make you happier in life?
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Apr 22, 2020
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Germany
I'm sorry you're unhappy, it sounds like you really deserve some happiness in your life after all you've been through.

Do you know what might make you happier in life?
Hello. Thank you so much!

I use fiction to escape reality a lot. Art helps me feel better too. It also helps for me to talk to someone. Just a few minutes ago I talked to my mom and dad, and they really helped me feel a lot better.

I guess what would really make me feel better is if I could live a life without terrible memories. Sometimes I don't want to be real, but I know that would worry others. I wish I could just live a peaceful life.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I've seen some of your art and thought it was fantastic, I'm useless at art so I'm always in awe of those who can express themselves in that way.

I can't make the bad memories go away but I've been able to overpower mine with good ones, the bad memories I have from my psychosis experience have been almost washed away by the memories I have of being under my mental health team and going on their social groups with them, those were possibly the best three years of my life and if I didn't have the bad experience that would never have happened. I'm good at seeing silver linings.

I'm also trying a dating app to see if I can find someone to share my life with, something I've never done before, my hopes aren't too high in order to protect myself mentally but I've had a few people interested in me so far and that makes me happier.

I'm glad your parents are there for you, mine have been great during my bad times and I don't know where I'd be without them.
 
Mikrokosmos

Mikrokosmos

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Have you any method to distract your mind from the thoughts like that?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
I'm so sorry something happened to you, families can be very complex. I'm glad your parents are supporting you and you have a therapist. Your art is wonderful and a great idea.
Sending hugs
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Apr 22, 2020
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721
Location
Germany
I've seen some of your art and thought it was fantastic, I'm useless at art so I'm always in awe of those who can express themselves in that way.

I can't make the bad memories go away but I've been able to overpower mine with good ones, the bad memories I have from my psychosis experience have been almost washed away by the memories I have of being under my mental health team and going on their social groups with them, those were possibly the best three years of my life and if I didn't have the bad experience that would never have happened. I'm good at seeing silver linings.

I'm also trying a dating app to see if I can find someone to share my life with, something I've never done before, my hopes aren't too high in order to protect myself mentally but I've had a few people interested in me so far and that makes me happier.

I'm glad your parents are there for you, mine have been great during my bad times and I don't know where I'd be without them.
Thank you so much! ☺ I always believe people should try out art. I love seeing other peoples creations.

I'm happy to hear that. I'm feeling a lot better today. I hope I'll be able to focus on good memories instead. I think I just need therapy to talk to someone about all of this. But it looks like I'm on the right path.

Thank you again!
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
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Germany
Have you any method to distract your mind from the thoughts like that?
I focus on art, movies, games, and books. Also talking to people helps a lot for me. Spending time with animals helps me very much too. Yesterday I was able to focus on something different and that helped me calm down a lot.

I also had trouble sleeping yesterday night, so that probably also caused some of my anxiety. But last night I got to sleep pretty well so I'm doing much better today.
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
Hi,
I'm so sorry something happened to you, families can be very complex. I'm glad your parents are supporting you and you have a therapist. Your art is wonderful and a great idea.
Sending hugs
:hug: Thank you so much! Sending you hugs too!
 
R

RevDaLude8o8

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Jun 9, 2020
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Honolulu, HI
I see, sometimes family can make you or break you. I had my share of experience with that too. For all the bad things that happen to you, was never your fault. No person period deserves that. I’m glad both your parents support you and have your back. As for your Aunt, maybe distancing Yourself from her might be a good thing. I know it hurts, but people like that don’t deserve To be in your life right now. Out of sight out of mind is the key. You have a good head on your shoulders for taking steps on getting better. Be strong and take good care of yourself, that much you deserve.
 
V

vc2009

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Apr 5, 2020
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MM
Sorry to hear that, But I can be related. I feel a lot better in this month but those anxiety are still hide somewhere deep inside my mind. I can only free from this after I fixed my personal matter. People around me and my friend think I'm feeling better. But actually even I happy outside, those anxiety inside still warning me something bad will come if I happy too much.

So I can't fully happy in this day, even I want to. I'm also tired of being like this.

I hope you will better soon.
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
I see, sometimes family can make you or break you. I had my share of experience with that too. For all the bad things that happen to you, was never your fault. No person period deserves that. I’m glad both your parents support you and have your back. As for your Aunt, maybe distancing Yourself from her might be a good thing. I know it hurts, but people like that don’t deserve To be in your life right now. Out of sight out of mind is the key. You have a good head on your shoulders for taking steps on getting better. Be strong and take good care of yourself, that much you deserve.
Hello and thank you so much! I agree, I will continue to not talk to my aunt. She stopped talking to me and my parents for a long time. I had thoughts about contacting my aunt again, but I guess I won't.
Thank you again! ☺
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
Sorry to hear that, But I can be related. I feel a lot better in this month but those anxiety are still hide somewhere deep inside my mind. I can only free from this after I fixed my personal matter. People around me and my friend think I'm feeling better. But actually even I happy outside, those anxiety inside still warning me something bad will come if I happy too much.

So I can't fully happy in this day, even I want to. I'm also tired of being like this.

I hope you will better soon.
Hello. Sorry you're going through all of this. :hug1:
I guess therapy is best. It worked well for me before, which is why I'm trying it out again. Having someone to help you and talk to you about all of these problems is really great. I hope you feel better soon, too. And thank you for your comment!
 
Scapes1986

Scapes1986

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Apr 10, 2020
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Planet Mercury
I'm sry to here this zelda. I feel very abused at times. Especially emotionally. I'm tired of thoughts that are negative over coming my emotional health. I hope you find peace a little at a time. That is what helped me. That and soberity. Hope you're doing well.
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
721
Location
Germany
I'm sry to here this zelda. I feel very abused at times. Especially emotionally. I'm tired of thoughts that are negative over coming my emotional health. I hope you find peace a little at a time. That is what helped me. That and soberity. Hope you're doing well.
Thank you! I'm sorry you went through this. I think therapy helps me a lot with this, it's just that I have a hard time being open about it at first. But I'm doing better these days. Thank you again. Hope you're doing well, too. :hug:
 
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