I
Innervision
Member
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2008
- Messages
- 5
Hi I'm new to this forum, not sure of what I'm expecting but here I go.
For as long as I remember I have been depressed, sometimes more and sometimes less. Most of it has been fairly manageable. Now I'm heading into a very bad depression. I'm starting to rally hate my life and my will to live, everything becomes unbearable and I just want a way out of this. There's a really big and boring story behind this so I will try to keep it as short and relevant as possible.
I have had social anxiety for many years now, while I do manage to befriend some new people over the years I never seem to make a really good friend, what's even worse I have never had a girlfriend. This really bothers me, I am a very lonely person. In order to deal with this I spend most of my life in my room where play videogames or watch TV. I immerse myself in a delusional world and frankly that is just about the only thing that makes me happy. Sadly I have to deal with reality, I still have a job, I try to go outside sometimes and I want to be able to start studying again next year. Drowning in my own delusional hobby is my escape route from reality, and I'm afraid that I'm becoming more sociopathic over the years. I become better at faking emotions and worse at expressing true ones.
Lately there's been a few more problems mounting up, I'm depressed. I sleep a lot, when I wake up I wish that I was still asleep. I'm feeling down and each day I'm becoming more aggressive pushing away the few people that still care about me. Every now and then I play in my head that sequence from the movie "Fight Club" where Tyler says "How would you feel if your life ended right now?", if someone asked me that question I would reply that I wouldn't care.
Life is darker than ever and if I ever needed someone special in my life now would be a good time. I've decided to go see a psychologist that does cognitive therapy, although sometimes I think that I might be better of with a psychiatrist first that can give me meds so that I can see a psychologist after to do the talking.
The problem is that everybody are on holiday vacation, the wait for treatment is killing me and each day is getting worse. Frankly I don't know what to do until then.
For as long as I remember I have been depressed, sometimes more and sometimes less. Most of it has been fairly manageable. Now I'm heading into a very bad depression. I'm starting to rally hate my life and my will to live, everything becomes unbearable and I just want a way out of this. There's a really big and boring story behind this so I will try to keep it as short and relevant as possible.
I have had social anxiety for many years now, while I do manage to befriend some new people over the years I never seem to make a really good friend, what's even worse I have never had a girlfriend. This really bothers me, I am a very lonely person. In order to deal with this I spend most of my life in my room where play videogames or watch TV. I immerse myself in a delusional world and frankly that is just about the only thing that makes me happy. Sadly I have to deal with reality, I still have a job, I try to go outside sometimes and I want to be able to start studying again next year. Drowning in my own delusional hobby is my escape route from reality, and I'm afraid that I'm becoming more sociopathic over the years. I become better at faking emotions and worse at expressing true ones.
Lately there's been a few more problems mounting up, I'm depressed. I sleep a lot, when I wake up I wish that I was still asleep. I'm feeling down and each day I'm becoming more aggressive pushing away the few people that still care about me. Every now and then I play in my head that sequence from the movie "Fight Club" where Tyler says "How would you feel if your life ended right now?", if someone asked me that question I would reply that I wouldn't care.
Life is darker than ever and if I ever needed someone special in my life now would be a good time. I've decided to go see a psychologist that does cognitive therapy, although sometimes I think that I might be better of with a psychiatrist first that can give me meds so that I can see a psychologist after to do the talking.
The problem is that everybody are on holiday vacation, the wait for treatment is killing me and each day is getting worse. Frankly I don't know what to do until then.