I'm terrible at being an adult

S

spiritfriend

Guest
#1
People say that being in your early 20s is hard because you're still growing into this new world. But I feel like everyone else my age knows what they're doing. They're just so sure of life. They seem to understand everything that I just don't even get.
I never learned how to drive. I'm terrible at handling money. I have a hard time understanding difficult topics. I never had a job. There is just so much I don't know.
I don't get it. Did everyone secretly learn how to be an adult without me? Was there some sort of lesson I missed while growing up?
I'm so far from being independent and it scares me to go out into the world alone.
I'm terrible at a lot of things.
 
R

RubyGloom

Guest
#2
When I was 20 I had had one proper job where I had some kind of mental breakdown.
For a few years before this I had got into a lot of drugs and lost all my friends.
I cleaned up at the turn of 2000 (I was still 19) five months later I quit my job because I couldn't handle it. Then a month later (just before I turned 20) I discovered I was pregnant with a baby I'd never planned or knew anything about looking after.
Now I feel like she saved my life in some ways.

I felt very isolated when she was born because I didn't know anybody with babies, I'd go to some baby groups and feel like a total nobody because everybody else made friends and were grown up when I still felt like a kid.

I didn't learn to drive until I was 26 and only then because I had managed to sell some stuff so I could afford lessons. Failed my first test because I was so anxious my leg shook so much I couldn't push the clutch properly, lol.
We had financial disasters for years and I got to the point I couldn't manage money without feeling ill.

(Computer spreadsheets are a life saver though as far as managing money goes)

My 20's really didn't go how I imagined them. Loads of people I knew went off to universities, got good jobs, had fun.
I was quite independent though.

All these things you mentioned can happen in their own time. It's not a race and there's no time limit. You are not everybody else. You are you. And I'm sure there's plenty of people who feel like they don't know what they're doing, they're just good a pretending they do.

Take one thing at a time.
It would be helpful if there was some kind of help with guidance and support so that you could build confidence in yourself. Is there anyone you know who could help you to try things, or teach you ways to manage money, help you to discover independence? Or a therapist you could go over these worries with?

Wishing you all the best
X
 
S

spiritfriend

Guest
#3
When I was 20 I had had one proper job where I had some kind of mental breakdown.
For a few years before this I had got into a lot of drugs and lost all my friends.
I cleaned up at the turn of 2000 (I was still 19) five months later I quit my job because I couldn't handle it. Then a month later (just before I turned 20) I discovered I was pregnant with a baby I'd never planned or knew anything about looking after.
Now I feel like she saved my life in some ways.

I felt very isolated when she was born because I didn't know anybody with babies, I'd go to some baby groups and feel like a total nobody because everybody else made friends and were grown up when I still felt like a kid.

I didn't learn to drive until I was 26 and only then because I had managed to sell some stuff so I could afford lessons. Failed my first test because I was so anxious my leg shook so much I couldn't push the clutch properly, lol.
We had financial disasters for years and I got to the point I couldn't manage money without feeling ill.

(Computer spreadsheets are a life saver though as far as managing money goes)

My 20's really didn't go how I imagined them. Loads of people I knew went off to universities, got good jobs, had fun.
I was quite independent though.

All these things you mentioned can happen in their own time. It's not a race and there's no time limit. You are not everybody else. You are you. And I'm sure there's plenty of people who feel like they don't know what they're doing, they're just good a pretending they do.

Take one thing at a time.
It would be helpful if there was some kind of help with guidance and support so that you could build confidence in yourself. Is there anyone you know who could help you to try things, or teach you ways to manage money, help you to discover independence? Or a therapist you could go over these worries with?

Wishing you all the best
X
Thank you so much. I feel a lot more calm now. I'm sorry you went through so much, but I'm glad you found a way to make things work in the end.

Yeah, I have my mom to help me out. She wants me to become more independent, but understands the issues I have with my mental illness. Plus I'm just lazy. :-D But I also have a therapist who I talk to about these things.
Anyway, thank you again. You really made me feel better.
 
R

RubyGloom

Guest
#4
Aw, thanks. I'm glad I helped a bit :) :hug:
Yeah, I went through some stuff, but life still happened and I seem to have bumbled along OK. I just wanted to share the rubbishy bits of my 20's to show that some of us have just kind of crashed along into adulthood, lol.
I'm glad you've got your mum and therapist
It'll be ok xxx
 
T

Tonic

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
3,346
#5
Becoming an adult is like not being able to swim and being dropped in the deep end of the swimming pool, or for some people, falling off a boat in the middle of an ocean in a storm.

It takes time to find your feet and find out who you really are and who you want to be.

I think I know what I have always wanted but I just can't seem to get it.

I have found many things difficult but the job I currently have, helps me. It fits my personality very well. Before, when i was at university or doing voluntary work, it didn't suit me and it was a struggle. Sort of like because I was going against the grain of who I am.

When I relaxed and started going with the flow and just 'being' instead of trying to be something, I became a lot more happier. I am not always happy and I do not always cope well.

I am now learning that I need more time to relax, possible than most people do.

Even before I got this job, I knew, and people who know me very well, knew that I get very tired and they were worried that I would not be able to work. But I have pushed myself and have been able to do it. For this I am thankful.

I am still learning a lot about myself and my limitations and capabilities.

There is still a lot I want out of life. Not anything Earth shattering. Something very down to Earth I want. But I feel hopeless thinking I have no such luck in that area of life. I am worried about my future.
 
T

Tonic

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Mar 6, 2016
Messages
3,346
#6
But I have seen your wonderful drawings, so I know you have talent.

Have you ever thought about pursuing this path, of art?

Maybe putting on an exhibition of your work, in either an art gallery or a cafe where they have art exhibitions?

Maybe you could advertise your services as an illustrator and team up with someone who is writing a book?
 
R

RubyGloom

Guest
#7
I forgot about your art :doh:
Yes, you are very talented there, and plenty of people would be jealous of your skill.... (Like me, lol)
You are definitely NOT terrible at that! :)
X
 
N

ninnie

Guest
#8
There are also a lot of ways artistic talent can be made a carreer. And also other jobs you could be great at.

But yeah, I feel you. I have a direction here with university studies that will give me a degree. But I'm afraid I'll never be adult enough. Afraid of jobs. Afraid of looking like a kid next to peers. My money dissapears fast. I don't take reaponsibillities or good care of myself. I like living with my parents. I rely on my parents in many things. And so on and so on. The stupidest thing: I sometimes think if I dress too childish. Like that matters in any way. I guess I wrote about this before.
But yeah I think we just need to wait for life to take us through it and for time to pass. Many of my friends haven't had that good relationships with their parents. I think this is one reason why I think they seem more adult than me, they've sort of had to become independent. I should be glad in a way.
 
Chopsy

Chopsy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 10, 2016
Messages
1,899
Location
UK
#9
People say that being in your early 20s is hard because you're still growing into this new world. But I feel like everyone else my age knows what they're doing. They're just so sure of life. They seem to understand everything that I just don't even get.
I never learned how to drive. I'm terrible at handling money. I have a hard time understanding difficult topics. I never had a job. There is just so much I don't know.
I don't get it. Did everyone secretly learn how to be an adult without me? Was there some sort of lesson I missed while growing up?
I'm so far from being independent and it scares me to go out into the world alone.
I'm terrible at a lot of things.
My daughter is 26 yrs this yr.

She can't drive
She doesn't handle money
she's never had 'proper' paid job
There's lots in life she has never experienced
my daughter is not independent in Lifestyle or finances

she has many un-used skills
She thinks she 'outshines both myself & her father at 'being adult'

It's ok to be 'where your at',

it's ok to remain where you are at,

changes are enevitable & happen regardless of whether you yourself are able to intentional act in a physical way to achieve change or not.

Some ideas to consider, perhaps...

  • Thinking [brain- storming], planning & writing Lists
  • getting 'outside of family' suitable professional help
  • Reaching out to others who understand you, who have lived similar experiences / lives
 
S

spiritfriend

Guest
#10
I would just like to thank each and every one of you. Thank you all so much. And thank you for sharing your stories with me. I hope you all are doing well and are happy.

When it comes to art, I'm too scared to do anything with it. I just draw for fun and see it as a hobby. But maybe one day I'll study it. Who knows.
I'm just some 22 year old who doesn't even know how taxes work. Gosh, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that.
Anyway, I want to thank you all again for putting a smile on my face with your sweet comments. Maybe I'll just get a job and then quit. Then atleast I can say that I have had a job. You know?
:hug: You're all such nice and wonderful people.
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2015
Messages
17,146
#11
There are solutions to all your problems Luna.

Why don't you go to school?

I learnt things in high school I still use to this day.

You can do Open Learning online these days, from kindergarten level up, so you could go at your own pace and gradually educate yourself.

Also you would be able to get a job absolutely, if you tried. People are always looking for staff, and it would literally change your life.

Ive been working since i was 13 and self supporting since 17, but it was a different world back then and i was a virtual orphan. Kids had to cope with all sorts of stuff alone back when i grew up.

It makes you tough, at least.

But honestly education is usually the best path for anyone to get out of a rut. Can you set yourself some learning goals perhaps?
 
letmein

letmein

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
748
#12
I'm so far from being independent and it scares me to go out into the world alone.
I'm terrible at a lot of things.
if its any help I[m 50 somethinga nd still crap at being an adult, its all bullshit if you ask me. me true to yourself, try not to hurt others and do the best you can.. only advise I can give... it will come.
 
Sen

Sen

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2013
Messages
2,059
Location
Jigoku
#13
I'm 26 and I've pretty much gained nothing,There's so much I still don't understand and there is so much I still haven't done.It feels like the world is fast forwarding through everything and I just can't keep up.I feel like I just done square up to other people because of this and it's hell.I don't want you to feel bad about not having everything figured out,There are people much older who have no idea what they're doing either.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 6, 2016
Messages
4,097
Location
Ireland
#14
People say that being in your early 20s is hard because you're still growing into this new world. But I feel like everyone else my age knows what they're doing. They're just so sure of life. They seem to understand everything that I just don't even get.
I never learned how to drive. I'm terrible at handling money. I have a hard time understanding difficult topics. I never had a job. There is just so much I don't know.
I don't get it. Did everyone secretly learn how to be an adult without me? Was there some sort of lesson I missed while growing up?
I'm so far from being independent and it scares me to go out into the world alone.
I'm terrible at a lot of things.
Hi Luna

I'm sorry your self esteem is so low but its been great to read all the support you got from all the above replies!

I think maybe your confidence is low and you are cautious about choices you make.. I might be wrong here but I believe that you will most likely make a lot more good choices than bad because you actually think about things..

I think things will happen for you in time.. it might seem like everybody else is rushing past you right now but how many will still be in the same job this time next year or will own a car or will have all their finances sorted.. very few I think.. so you might start things a little later by being thoughtful about things but I don't believe this makes you any worse off..

I am a good bit older than you and I feel like I have nothing achieved bar having a husband and 3 children. I never was able to make friends let alone keep them.. I went from job to job till I finally had my first child and gladly left the horror of working with others.. I'm the person who has always been different to everyone else and life is always a struggle.. my diagnosis is bpd :)

So let me tell you Luna - you are really only starting out and you have so much time to naturally pick up these skills you want. People do things at all different paces and ser that's what makes people who they are. You sound like you have a lot more cop on than I had at your age..

So be kind to yourself and take your time - there's no right or wrong time to do anything - you just have to believe you are capable.

Shadow
 
Last edited:
S

spiritfriend

Guest
#15
Thank you all again for the nice comments!!! :hug:

Yes, BDU, I need to focus on my education. This is something my mom wants me to do, as well. But she keeps waiting for me to be ready. I gave up my last year of high school because of mental illness. Now I just spend time around the house acting dramatic.

You know what?
I just remembered something, you all. I told myself that I would stop planning things and I want to stick to that idea.
Why are we doing this to ourselves? Why are we comparing ourselves to each other? Who needs to plan the next whatever years of their lives anyway? To get into med school? Well not me. No sir, no ma'am.
I want a peaceful life. All of this hurry hurry isn't good for ourselves.
I say we quit planning stuff and just relax. Drink tea. Enjoy nature. I am just too tired to deal with the world anyway. Unless of course, it's something serious and then you need a plan. But right now I just can't be bothered...

Thank you all again. :hug: My mind is awake now. And happy new year!
 
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,536
Location
Stanton, CA
#16
Dear Luna, instead of thinking about work as being something bad to be avoided, think about doing work that is fun or meaningful for you, such as your art. What could be better than getting paid for doing what you enjoy doing anyway? That's why my husband and I are working on a novel. I don't regret the time I spent working on it, even if we don't get published. Please understand that I'm not saying that you have to work to be an okay person, I'm merely suggesting you do something for FUN.
I hope you enjoy yourself whatever it is you decide to do. : )
 

Similar threads