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I'm suffering so much.

S

Slummi

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Iceland
I feel so terrible, I have been stuggling with depression and anxiety but never been open about it to anyone. Some days are good and some are not. Had difficult childhood, bullied and had no friends most of the time.

Last 8 months have been terrible. I have had a stomach problem Since november and Doctors can’t find what is wrong. I have also been bullied and abused in work. I don’t have close friend.

My only “friend” was a girl i meet when i was studying abroat, in her home country. She worked at the school. Later she moved to another country and city where i always wanted to visit sometime. She had helped me a lot when i was studying. We were never friends but knew each other. I cared for her for all she did for me but not in an romantic way.

After she left she told me I could contact her. I did often contact her but she had told me she could not always response. It was fine by me.

I wanted to start to travel solo, was always willing to do it but afraid to do it. So I decided to go to the City this person works and lives in. I wanted to take sweats from my country with me if so unlikly i would meet the girl i cared and did trust so much.

She travels much because of her works, i followed one of her friend on instagram aswell, she worked at same place. I just liked to see pics from them all around the world. It helped too see those pics when i was feeling down.

I had asked her if we could meet as i was in the city, wanted to thank her in person what she had done for me. I got no response. I had also diagnosed my self i had a cancer thanks to google. So i was scared in this city far away from home. I wanted to tell her how much i had been struggling last months, i trusted her more than my family.

2nd day i was there i asked her friend on insta about safari advice, one question and i was blocked. I felt terrible about it and spent the next day in the room crying all day and believed i was a terrible person. I contacted my “friend” same day and apologised i asked her friend. She knew i had not many friends and i had often praised her to be nice to her, i told her i was hoping while traveling i would find a good friend like her, because she was so kind to me when i was in school, even though our conversations were 99% online. I have always been afraid to talk to girls/women

Then next days i just traveled around the city, it was hard to be alone, unable to eat anything because of the stomach.

One evening i wanted to see my football team play, so i asked Taxi driver a place to go.

First i just watched the game by myself until i saw there she was, watching with her friends, I never knew she liked football. I panicked, should I go, or stay and say hi and ask if i could watch the rest of the game with them.

I choosed the wrong one, I said hi to her, watch the game there and chatted, i told her if had sweats from my country at my hotel if she was interested, she was not interested. But chatted more until the game ended, i was to scared to tell her my problems because her friends were also there. I trusted her more than anyone else and thought given a chance i would open up about my mental health problems.Her insta friend was also there and i apology for the question i had Asked.

After the game they left and she said bye to me and wished me a good stay in the city.

When i woke up in the morning. I saw i received messages from her. She said it was wrong of me to be at the same place, come to her and acused me of stalking. Told me to keep traveling. She had blocked me in insta and fb.

Since I have felt terrible, i’m a burden to people and i should just die. 3 months since and i can’t stop think about it, can’t sleep, have lost interest in my hobbies and don’t know what to do. Can’t share to my family because im so ashamed.

I finally last week got results i don’t have cancer, had few tests. Stomach stil in pain.

Im so scared she is suffering. I can’t contact her. I want so much to apology hurting her accidentally but im scared it will be worse or not.

I hope someone can give me an advice, i don’t know what to do. I don’t know if its better to live or die.

Sorry for my English, its not my mothers tongue.
 
Victorianna

Victorianna

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 8, 2019
Messages
792
Location
California, USA
I’m sorry you are feeling so low. Do you have a doctor you can see about treatment for your anxiety and depression?
I’m glad the tests came back negative for cancer. Anxiety can often cause stomach pain. If you get treatment for anxiety and your stomach troubles start to ease, then you’d know that was the reason. If they don’t, you should keep pursuing a diagnosis.
As far as the girl, sorry, but I would not try to contact her again.
 
Hopeful313

Hopeful313

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
892
Location
Minnesota, USA
Hi @Slummi and welcome to the forum.

I am very sorry that you had a bad experience. It was very wrong of her to come at you like that. You were sincere in your apology and she didn’t need to overreact that way.
My advice to you is that you should leave this experience behind and avoid her as much as you can. I wouldn’t even say hi to her if I see her. Even before I finished reading the part about the game, I knew she was going to accuse you of stalking her. That’s a person you want to avoid. It’s not worth it trying to explain yourself to her or her friend.
A decent polite person would’ve apologized to you and made up any excuse to tell you that they can’t meet up or keep in touch with you. You were very generous and extra nice. Don’t let this bother you too much.

Your physical pain could be due to anxiety. Get professional help soon and get proper diagnosis. Therapy can help you understand yourself better. I’ve been doing therapy for a long time and I still learn something new about myself every time I see my therapist.

I hope you feel better soon.
 
S

Slummi

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Iceland
Thank you very much for the support. I had told the girl few times how much it meant for me all her help, and I had told here I had been feeling bad that I didn't thank her properly in person. With out her advices and help I never would have been able to have finished the school. Thanks to here I loved living in French, she told me her fav restaurants, red wine, even though I was 28 I had never liked red wine until I tried her brand. Now I love all brands. Loved that city but now after losing her I lost everything else I loved about that place.

Three weeks before I told her she gave my inspiration traveling solo, after seeing all her travels pictures. and she knew I was thinking to go to this place. She told me it was good I wanted to travel solo. She knew I was in Dubai. I wish everyday that I never went to this bar or Dubai. I admit much of this look like I was stalking her. Thats why I told her straight out I was sorry I followed her friend on insta and was blocked, i didn't want any trouble. It was never my intention. I only wanted to meet her with her permission. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am and explain to her. Even say im sorry i was a burden to her.
After I lost her part of me hoped for it was a cancer. I think she thought I was trying to let her by my real life friend, I was more than happy to be just knowing her and maybe see her in future.
I'm more scared how she is feeling than me. That's how I am, I always want to help people and make them happy over my happiness. She is the best thing that has happened to me. I even hated France before I studied there. Every time after this when watching My ream play I think of her, I'm scared to watch games. every night I wake up and think of that bar moment.

As I don't have many friends I was so proud when I was able to share to her without being judge until the end. I miss her so much and ashamed if i hurt/scared her accidentally. This day i had seen picture from her in Oman. Was sure i would not see her this evening.











 
B

Birds

Member
Joined
May 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Houston
Thank you very much for the support. I had told the girl few times how much it meant for me all her help, and I had told here I had been feeling bad that I didn't thank her properly in person. With out her advices and help I never would have been able to have finished the school. Thanks to here I loved living in French, she told me her fav restaurants, red wine, even though I was 28 I had never liked red wine until I tried her brand. Now I love all brands. Loved that city but now after losing her I lost everything else I loved about that place.

Three weeks before I told her she gave my inspiration traveling solo, after seeing all her travels pictures. and she knew I was thinking to go to this place. She told me it was good I wanted to travel solo. She knew I was in Dubai. I wish everyday that I never went to this bar or Dubai. I admit much of this look like I was stalking her. Thats why I told her straight out I was sorry I followed her friend on insta and was blocked, i didn't want any trouble. It was never my intention. I only wanted to meet her with her permission. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am and explain to her. Even say im sorry i was a burden to her.
After I lost her part of me hoped for it was a cancer. I think she thought I was trying to let her by my real life friend, I was more than happy to be just knowing her and maybe see her in future.
I'm more scared how she is feeling than me. That's how I am, I always want to help people and make them happy over my happiness. She is the best thing that has happened to me. I even hated France before I studied there. Every time after this when watching My ream play I think of her, I'm scared to watch games. every night I wake up and think of that bar moment.

As I don't have many friends I was so proud when I was able to share to her without being judge until the end. I miss her so much and ashamed if i hurt/scared her accidentally. This day i had seen picture from her in Oman. Was sure i would not see her this evening.











Don’t beat yourself up to much about her thinking you were stalking. It was an accident. If I saw my friend at a football game I would want to go talk to her too. You don’t deserve to die you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just a friendly person who wants to be loved. And I agree with some of the other comments that your stomach pain can be caused by anxiety. You should see someone or research how to easily make the true friends you deserve. And why are you ashamed to talk to your family? They will always be there for you
 
S

Slummi

New member
Joined
May 11, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Iceland
Don’t beat yourself up to much about her thinking you were stalking. It was an accident. If I saw my friend at a football game I would want to go talk to her too. You don’t deserve to die you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re just a friendly person who wants to be loved. And I agree with some of the other comments that your stomach pain can be caused by anxiety. You should see someone or research how to easily make the true friends you deserve. And why are you ashamed to talk to your family? They will always be there for you
I wish I could contact her and explain myself. I'm so scared she is also suffering.
 
B

Birds

Member
Joined
May 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Houston
I wish I could contact her and explain myself. I'm so scared she is also suffering.
No, she is not suffering she is completely ok. She just made a mistake. And remember you didn’t do anything wrong. You’re a good person, it was only a simple misunderstanding. Don’t be afraid to talk to people and make new friends. You deserve love!
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,429
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
I'm so sorry this happened, I agree with what everyone else said, your a good person and didnt deserve to be treated that way :hug:
 
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