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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Im suffering from something, panic, anxiety ?


sam joyce

New member
Jun 4, 2009
Hi, about 6 years ago ( I was 31 then) I had a girlfriend I started seeing, when it got to the stage where she asked if we were a serious item. I spend alot of time on my own and had been single for 6 years previous but lived with and had good previous relationships with girls. Any way I sensed drama and commitment pressure in agreeing we were serious and when she left that weekend I woke the next moring with serious worry and chest pains and absolute panic, not about this but as though life had dropped out of me I found it hard to get out of my bedroom with extreme panic and had to drink wine to be anywhere near normal, only a glass or two. It took me about two months to get to a stage where i felt ok but was frightened of what happened and if it would return, it felt like death, I might add all through this time being with my girlfriend was better than being on my own. I have since moved in with my girlfriend which was my idea and felt not a glitch of concern over commitment in this way or any worry when we moved in.This year after discussing having children casualy I told her we should consider trying for a baby this year as her sister had had a miss-carraige and although I didnt feel completely ready for children I had decided in my mind it was the time to go for it. As soon as the words left my mouth I got hit with the same panic, anxiety punch as before and went through christmas and january drinking and worrying.At this stage I thought it was some kind of anxiety or panic to do with commitment or life choices. It was much less crippling as the first time, only I think because I had experience of it before and knew it might go away eventually. A week and a half ago I sat down to eat my tea and got hit with it again and have been drinking off depression- worry -panic since but this time I cant see why it happened mo real work pressure Im not normally a worry person, relationship is all fine, nobodys died.Can anybody shed any light on what is happening to me? I am desperately worried this has the power to ruin my life, if I had children would this make it worse, is it going to happen to me more and more, I guess id like to hear from anyone who has experience of what this might be. I talk to my girlfriend about it but cant get across the severe feeling of worry and anxiety that follows these occurances and the death like hole I cant get out of. Many thanks, sam


Hi Sam

:welcome: to the forum.

I am sorry you are going through some difficult experiences at the moment.
Panic in my opinion is a much underestimated emotion and in my experience most people who do not suffer from it do not really understand how debilitating and frightening it can be for the sufferer.

You do seem to be going through alot of new experiences at the moment that will inevitably bring about alot of feelings, emotions and uncertainties that perhaps you are not used to. If you can, take one thing at a time. If you are feeling panic arising from your declaration that you want children, it might help to talk to your partner about this. Explain what feelings have arisen and perhaps together you can both talk about where these feelings are coming from.

I too get panic attacks that seem to have arisen from nowhere however when I eventually manage to talk the feelings through I can see where they have come from, and what underlying worries may have caused such an extreme reaction.

In my experience relationships, thoughts and feelings are forever changing. As we grow older (and perhaps wiser) our priorities, wants and needs do change too. We are human, things happen in life that change our priorities sometimes dramatically, sometimes gradually. For example, many of my friends started having children and for some reason I had a response of suddenly having an urgency to have children myself. However as time has passed I have realised that this response is not really a good basis to have children right now. I spoke with my husband about it, explained my feelings, and he accepts it even though a few months ago all I wanted was children! He accepted that after some thought my priorities have changed. I am sure if you felt that this was not what you wanted after all that after some discussion and explanation from you your partner would understand where your original desire to have children came from and your reflection afterwards, then you can both try to work it through.

With regards to drinking. It is well documented that if you increase your alcohol intake it can cause panic attacks. The problem is that most people do not attribute the panic attacks to the alcohol therefore they increase their alcohol intake to deal with the panic attacks which makes it worse and so on. A viscous cycle. In my opnion I would stop drinking the alcohol and if you are finding the panic attacks unbearable then seek advice from your GP who may be able to offer some alternative suitable suggestions to help you deal with them.

I hope that helps. :)