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I'm suffering from hopelessness. Again!

frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
188
Location
South Korea
There were a LOT of things I wanted. Friends, dating, and financial independence. But I have no one. Back in the States, all friends were busy, and I didn't spend enough time with them. Those I spent were toxic ones, and it didn't last long.
I live in South Korea, and I have almost no friends. Everybody tells me to fuck off back to the States. "It's stressful here." "You can't make enough money." Fortunately there's one friend that appreciates me, but he's busier than the ones back in the States. He works 6AM to 9PM every day. He becomes too tired to talk to me. Koreans work longer than both Americans and Japanese. It seems as time passes by, I get less friends. Also, I go to these places where these types of "luxury" is less commonplace due to overwork. It's like I just end up here in a lonelier place as time passes by.

All my life, my social anxiety (fear of rejection) led me to withdraw from people. But as time passed by, that anxiety lifted. But when it did, it was too late. I was in my early 20s, and no person had any time to be around me. They were too damn busy to be around me. I tried to strike up a conversation one time, but they struggled to do so due to constant hurrying and working.

I thought it was my fault. Maybe I lacked social skills. But the only skills I learn is strictly corporate, that's what I learned from these shoddy colleges I go in Korea. My family says people are nothing but "competitors". Don't trust anyone.
I know a book that deals with how to have a good social skills, but it's useless in this rigid, structured society. And I don't trust the books because they push only for success.

Success.
They tell me to overwork to the brink of death. Then you might see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you're going minimalist, you should work your ass off. Or else you won't survive. I know that materialism brings only agony, so I should tone it down. But if I want to survive, I still to work my ass off.. I might be full of shit, but that's what I was taught by people around me... so they are the ones full of shit.

I tried to escape from this warped mindset. But I keep falling into pessimism. No hope. People wailing about their finances, personal problems, and lashing out at each other. It feels like society has no hope. Only solutions is: work your ass off to survive. That's the meaning of life. Lose any hope and work your ass off.

I cannot find any peace. Even the media says to lose any kind of hope. It sucks. If you have a problem, you're screwed. There's no hope for you. There's no light at the end of tunnel. You'd better stay single. If your parents are hot tempered, chances are, your spouse will end up same. Even if you manage your anger well. This means, just work your ass off to survive. Don't give a fuck about nothing. Listen to all the criticisms from your toxic, hard-to please critics.

I mean, if my this pays off, I can live like this contentedly. But I can't be independent and leave my family. My family needs me and as a Christian, I can't ditch them. It's a sin (sorry for the cussing previously- I'm a back-slidden one).

So, I'm doomed to be like that. About to be a hopeless workaholic in the future (I'm doing nothing as of this moment). Unless I could find a solution to change my future.

And some say that hopeless is wise, and I have to overwork and be competitive to not to acheive hope, but to prepare for the worst... which is nerve-wracking to endure!
 
toutatis

toutatis

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
212
Location
new zealand
Hang in there please @frisas45. You're going to be okay.

Yes, you're right. Society likes to send us a lot of mixed messages, many of which are simply wrong and many others are just plain unhealthy. I've examined it myself, too. Just try to focus on the positive ones frisas45, and don't be afraid to go against the grain sometimes, too. I think it's good for a persons self worth to stand your ground and go against the grain at times.

Stay strong in your spirit, you're doing really well!!
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
188
Location
South Korea
Hang in there please @frisas45. You're going to be okay.

Yes, you're right. Society likes to send us a lot of mixed messages, many of which are simply wrong and many others are just plain unhealthy. I've examined it myself, too. Just try to focus on the positive ones frisas45, and don't be afraid to go against the grain sometimes, too. I think it's good for a persons self worth to stand your ground and go against the grain at times.

Stay strong in your spirit, you're doing really well!!
Thank you!
 
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