I am struggling to reach out. I know I do on here but otherwise I find it so difficult. My therapist isn't in this week so I still have a week and a half to wait before my next appointment. I speak to different crisis workers through an online chat and although I have told them of some thoughts they have since developed and the only thing stopping me is the mess I need to sort before I can go through with it. I will be safe so I don't want anyone calling the police etc but I still feel exhausted with how dark my thoughts are. I tried reaching out to a friend and I text her saying i felt rubbish etc. she did chat a bit and invited me over. I went over hoping she would ask about things but we just watched tv. It was good to be distracted but I just feel like I am burdened by my own thoughts and in the end it's probably best she didn't ask. I don't know how to reach out. I know I should phone the cmht and speak to the duty worker but I know all they will say is to do distraction techniques and to be quite honest I feel things are past that stage. Tbh I just can't deal with the prospect of them not helping me as it will push me even closer to the edge. I am feeling lost. It's like I am losing my grip on life and a part of me is scared and another part is accepting of it. I'm sorry for all my threads on this subject.. I am not usually like this so please accept my apologies.