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I'm so tired.

Fairy Fountain

Fairy Fountain

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Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
578
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The Moon
Sometimes I feel like I can't deal with this anymore. I don't want to be here and I don't even want to be alive. I just continue to live because I care about my mom. I love my mom a lot.

People say things like it gets better, but for me it didn't. In a way it just got worse. I look horrible (and PCOS has caused a lot of problems for me). I haven't accomplished anything. Usually people my age are already successful but I haven't even started anything. And if I tried, I would just fail. I can't tell my therapist or doctor about how I feel because all they will do is make me be an inpatient in some hospital where I will be bored all the time. I just have thoughts about self harming and suicide because I am so tired of being me. I hate myself.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
506
Location
California
I use to like drawing too. Lack of energy is hard. I am tired a lot. I am sorry you are going through this. It's hard especially when it is ongoing and never ending. When I am stuck in this, it feels like it's always this way. There are breaks, good moments. Mentioning your mom really hit a cord for me. I love my son. I am listening if you would like to share.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

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Mar 1, 2021
Messages
506
Location
California
I am afraid to tell my therapist some things too.
 
Fairy Fountain

Fairy Fountain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
578
Location
The Moon
I use to like drawing too. Lack of energy is hard. I am tired a lot. I am sorry you are going through this. It's hard especially when it is ongoing and never ending. When I am stuck in this, it feels like it's always this way. There are breaks, good moments. Mentioning your mom really hit a cord for me. I love my son. I am listening if you would like to share.
Thank you so much. I hope you're doing well. I talked to my mom about how I felt and I feel kind of better now. I'm glad you have your son. It's hard going through moments like this, but I'm trying to remind myself that I can have good moments like you mentioned. For now I'll try to focus on other things, even if it's hard to do so. I don't want to go back to self harming. Sending hugs :hug:
 
Fairy Fountain

Fairy Fountain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
578
Location
The Moon
I feel okay at first and then I start feeling depressed again. It's always like that. I don't know what to do to make myself feel better. I tried drawing but I couldn't create anything that I liked. Every time I look in the mirror, I feel horrible because I hate looking at myself.
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
506
Location
California
Can you draw how you feel? The painting here is one of my favorite. My drawings don't look quite like this but drawing how I feel use to help. Wanted to share this picture because eventhough I didn't make it, I feel this way in my interpretation. For me it helps a little to see feelings. Hope your mood lifts. ❤ Christinasworld.jpg
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,927
Location
Nashua NH
What about listening to music or watching a movie? Cleaning is a good distraction for me but I know it’s not for everyone. I’m sorry you are feeling badly, Fairy. xo, j
 
kimidare

kimidare

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Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
174
Location
France
Hi Fairy,

When I think that I have done nothing in this world, sometimes there is a thing who helps me.
I subscribed to an emergency program, it s Amnesty International, but you have maybe other similar things. It s an activist group who try to help people arrested for nothing, or tortured in prison in some countries etc. They investigate on the cases, then they send a sms to explain you the situation. They prepare a mail that you can modify, to send to the ambassador of the country by example.
The last time, we send 6000+ mails to the egyptian ambassador to ask the release of a innocent journalist in need of assistance from their prison.
Some weeks later I received the news about the return of the person to her family.

It s free, it s just sending a prepared mail, but you save lifes and these actions are good and important.
 
Fairy Fountain

Fairy Fountain

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 21, 2020
Messages
578
Location
The Moon
Can you draw how you feel? The painting here is one of my favorite. My drawings don't look quite like this but drawing how I feel use to help. Wanted to share this picture because eventhough I didn't make it, I feel this way in my interpretation. For me it helps a little to see feelings. Hope your mood lifts. ❤ View attachment 42961
That artwork looks beautiful. Drawing how you feel sounds like a good idea. Thank you so much I'm feeling better today. I hope you're doing well. I want to try drawing again. Hopefully this time I can create something! :hug:

What about listening to music or watching a movie? Cleaning is a good distraction for me but I know it’s not for everyone. I’m sorry you are feeling badly, Fairy. xo, j
Thank you I'm feeling better today. Listening to music helps a lot. When it comes to movies, I really love Studio Ghibli films because they're so beautiful. :hug:

Hi Fairy,

When I think that I have done nothing in this world, sometimes there is a thing who helps me.
I subscribed to an emergency program, it s Amnesty International, but you have maybe other similar things. It s an activist group who try to help people arrested for nothing, or tortured in prison in some countries etc. They investigate on the cases, then they send a sms to explain you the situation. They prepare a mail that you can modify, to send to the ambassador of the country by example.
The last time, we send 6000+ mails to the egyptian ambassador to ask the release of a innocent journalist in need of assistance from their prison.
Some weeks later I received the news about the return of the person to her family.

It s free, it s just sending a prepared mail, but you save lifes and these actions are good and important.
Thank you for sharing this with me. It sounds really interesting. I think it's great you get to help people. I'll research more about this. :hug:
 
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