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I'm so lonely at what's apparently the prime of my life...

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littlemisspipedream

New member
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
4
Location
South West
I'm 19 and in my first year of university and everyone keeps telling me how amazing this is and before I came everyone was like you'll make LOADS of friends and I made lots of friends when I moved before but it's not.
It's really different at my uni to where I came from. It's very affluent and less people come from backgrounds like mine (like non nuclear families) and everyone is all like fake tan and skinny and looks like they stepped out of a magazine. I feel like such a freak. My course is eally ruthless and bitchy and I'm just not like them. Everyone that is my friend is like it's good you aren't like them and you're an individual but it doesn't feel like that. It hurts to feel like a freak constantly.
I miss my friends back home who are like me and I feel like I'm drowning in a very lonely sea of students. Like that thing about being surrounded by people. Anyway I met a guy and I knew that he wasn't like the one for me but I guess I wanted someone to cling to. We settled into this instant boring thing where we barely see each other but we are together officially and I knew I wasn't comfortable with it. I was really down recently and so I just went along with it. Knowing someone else would ask what I'd been up to and scold me for being stupid made me want to stop being stupid. My anti depressants were upped and I started to feel better this week and then last night I went clubbing.
I'm not meant to drink alot with my anti depressants. I wasn't even going to come out but my friends begged me so I did. And no matter how much I drunk I didn't feel THAT drunk so I kept going. I dunno why I knew I was drunk really and I should stop but I couldn't. I drunk more than I normally drink in a fortnight and then it all came out to my friend about my relationship. He was like you need to do some thinking so I binged on a takeaway on the way home and went to sleep and woke up this morning so unhappy. I cried and cried and cried all morning like I get when my depression gets stupidly bad and then I told my boyfriend I wanted a break. He doesn't really get the break and I feel awful because I really care about him I just don't want to be with him and I feel horrible for letting this happen to him and I will miss him.
I guess what I want guys is advice and support. What should I be doing? Whats wrong with me? Gah!!!
 
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Dawud

Member
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
6
Feeling Lonely at University

I went to university when I was younger and I found it very hard to adjust too. I had similar feelings about being isolated and thinking that everyone was different to me. I have suffered from depression all my life and one of the many things I have learnt about my depression is that mayor life changes put different kinds of stressors onto our ability to cope with what we feel we can normally manage. I had stopped drinking and smoking by the time I started my course but in the first year I was drinking again and smoking a lot. It was not until my second year that I realised what type of friendships I had developed and who I had become. I had a severe break down and went to have talking therapy from the university counsellor and that really helped me out. It got me to be confident in myself and I decided to do things outside of university and away from the people I had become friends with. I was studying an art degree, met local artists, got involved in theatre and politics and met some people I am still in touch with now. The other people who I thought were my friends at university I do not see any more, but the other friends I met outside of college I still do. Going to university is a massive life change especially if you move away from home. You are still tryig to find out who you are and what you want from your life and cope with all this new stuff. My advice is the keep in touch with friends from home - make plans to come and visit them often. Find things to do away from university and stuff that can help you relax away from your studies. It is less of a challenge meeting new people outside of university because there is no pressure to see them regularly. Use the university counsellor, I had to stop telling everyone about how I was feeling, especially after an evening in the pub - it really does not work in ther long run. Talking to a counsellor will take that need away and you can build a less needy, reliant relationship with people at university. You get thrown together with people you would normally not make friends with so the less you rely on them the better. And the other thing I have learnt, especially recently, it is okay to cry and feel down you just need to know what to do to help you feel better.
 
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Dollit

Guest
Everyone feels awkward and alone when they first move. The affluent fake tan people have grown up together and went to school together and now uni - do you think that they'd retain such close ties if they weren't afraid of being alone.

We've all been in relationships for all the wrong reasons and that's part of life.

It's hard going to uni but when you're young, you're away from home, your personality is just settling in. It's a very unsettling time.

Cut yourself some slack. If you're with the boyfriend for the wrong reasons then it's not good for either of you. You have gained your place on merit and not on daddy's money so you are more than entitled to be there.

Have you something you do at home, some sort of interest you could do that could take you away from uni for a little while every week?
 
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saffron

Guest
hello littlemiss
it sounds like you are a bit disappointed in what you have actually found at college. generally speaking, sometimes when you think that something is going to be so fantastic you can get all these thoughts into your head about what you expect it to be, when you arrive and find it is not you can start searching for this fantastic thing you have been thinking off, if that makes sense. Nothing is wrong with you hun, it is normal to feel lost and loney with such a change in your life, of course you miss your friends and your home, that is what has given you security all these years, suddenly being indipendant can be scary and worrying, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, just dont burn yourelf out trying to get there. phone someone from your own town each day to say hello, even that can help you feel that you are not a million miles away.
What are you studying at uni, by the way?
S :hug:.
 
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maudikie

Guest
I think you have done and are doing very well. What the others say is right. Uni and leaving home is a real wrench, and it is often difficult to make friends. It sounds to me as though you are there with the purpose of learnig, just as my son was. Only he found he was the only one turning up a tutorials. Take a rest when you can, and keep at it the rest of the time. Take no notice of any scroungers, many who should not be at uni. Good luck I hope you are very successful. Art is not an easy way to make a living, but it is good for you and for others who appreciate your work and effort. :hug:
 
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joefrancis

Member
Joined
May 5, 2009
Messages
7
Location
Belfast
Sounds familiar to me

I had a similar sort of experience. I took a year out or "a leave of absence" in official jargon last year when I was 21. Your uni will let you do this for personal or medical reasons and you can take more than one year out.

Speak to your academic adviser or if you don't have one of these perhaps try the course coordinator.

The other thing is maybe transfer to a uni where you can live at home.

Maybe get a boyfriend more like yourself.

I used to take anti-depressants, its not a route I recommend, maybe I'm just sensitive to them, whatever you do don't stop them suddenly!

Also do you feel alcohol has a funny(like different) effect on you? It does say on the leaflet of anti-depressants do not drink!

How come I never meet people like you in my ordinary run of life?

X

:)
 
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