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I'm sick of my situation with girls what to do?

Z

zookmaster

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I'm a 31yr old male really tall and quite good looking(which the girls say) but I realised I'm not doing good with women. I've always had compliments and things but my lack of inexperience plus anxiety and depression probably holds me back and I show it in my body language sometimes.

I had a long term girlfriend about 10 years ago but since then I've found it hard to find someone. I can be a bit fussy but not much more than any normal guy I like good looking women and alot of them give me compliments but it never gets anywhere. I get numbers at times and then can tell they actually couldn't give a damn if I phoned them and when I do phone so of them they hardly respond.

I don't really feel like I'm much of a interesting person because I have hardly any travel stories and I'm not someone who watches alot of TV. My strong points are my humor but sometimes I can joke too much or not joke or smile at all and it probably confuses girls.

I work in a bar and see nice girls all the time and see some with boyfriends and wonder what am I doing wrong. I don't have my own apartment at the moment and live at home with family still.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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It can be hard to find the right partner... Some girls go for guys who they find exciting, so that requires a certain type of behaviour on your part. Some girls are looking for being sheltered and safety. All of them are looking for someone who is interested in them. Many are looking for a kind of spark, a mutual attraction, which happens in the first few seconds.

Maybe you're tall and good looking, but you're not giving off the right signals of being interested. Almost every woman I've met wants to be a princess, worshipped just a little bit. Living at home with the parents doesn't help, it's not very manly or exciting and it presents a certain problem should things get "noisy".

You can probably find out a lot more about how to show interest from girls magazine articles, things such as "how can you tell that he's interested in you?" Women read these things and it forms their expectations.
 
In the Clouds

In the Clouds

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A different view point and from a female (albeit I am young): personally, I don't read those magazines and neither do any of my friends. If you want to see what some girls look for then go ahead, but remember, not all girls are the same.

Also remember that looks aren't everything. If you look for a good looking girl and then personality comes after - you probably are going to find some girls with less than favourable personalities. I'm not at all saying that good looking girls have bad personalities, but simply that looks should not be the forefront, but at the same time they can play a big part. For me, if I fancy someone, I will find them attractive.

Not all girls are looking for a 'manly' guy - personally I can't stand guys who act all 'macho'. Sure, I like manly men, but acting macho really annoys me. Girls like confidence in men, but we also like sensitive guys. Living with your parents would have limitations but is not the end of the world. However I do think that, along with having anxiety and depression, means you need to find someone who genuinely cares about you. Hence, just talking to a girl you find good looking is probably not the best tactic. If you keep trying to get with a girl, chances are it's going to look like you're bad with girls when perhaps you're not - simply not all people get along.

We do like to be treated well and spoilt a bit, but I think that goes for everyone really. We all like to be looked after and for people to show us they care. Just like not all guys are the same, neither are we. Personally I like being showered with affection but it also makes me uncomfortable. I like equality in a relationship and overly affectionate things get tiresome with me. Now and again is perfect.

Just like with jobs, you may not get it or even the first 10 you apply for. But you might get the 11th. :)
 
Z

zookmaster

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Should I just not think about them for awhile until a move out? I know it's not exactly guarateed I will meet someone then but I don't want to tell them the truth about that situation. I also most of the girls in the bar don't seem that genuine or just seem like it's the drink talking. Online is even more awkward since I don't really know how to sound interesting online.
 
In the Clouds

In the Clouds

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I think you should stop putting pressure on yourself to find a girlfriend. You can keep trying but chances are you'll just set yourself up for more heartbreak until a great person finds you. I reckon a lot of girls in bars who talk to guys have little to no intention of speaking to them again. You don't have to sound interesting - just be yourself. You are interesting, everyone is interesting. :) If you pretend to be someone you're not you could risk losing them.
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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I agree with what Intheclouds said but I'd also like to add that what has always put me off getting to know guys better and perhaps going on a date with them is when they approach me and then immediately hit on me by touching me inappropriately, coming out with some cheesy chat-up line or showering me with over-the-top compliments. I have no idea why men keep doing this - oh well I guess it must work with some women.

My advice would be just talk to other women as if they are simply another equal and potentially interesting human being and enjoy having a conversation with them and hopefully a bit of a laugh with them. If they are enjoying your company they will continue the conversation. You are in a good position to suss out which women who regularly come into your bar are single and you would like to date. Just be aware it may take more than just the one conversation to enable someone to feel relaxed in your company and warm towards you.

Sorry if what I've said sounds obvious and patronising :( I meant no offence and wish you luck!
 
Kerome

Kerome

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You don't have to sound interesting - just be yourself. You are interesting, everyone is interesting. :) If you pretend to be someone you're not you could risk losing them.
That said, it certainly doesn't hurt to learn the skills of holding a good conversation: when to bring up new topics, what are good standby topics that almost anyone has an opinion on, how to keep conversation flowing, when to be personal, when to just listen, how to get others to talk about themselves and so on. I certainly didn't know this stuff when I was 20 or even 30, but it's worth learning, how to be an entertaining conversation partner.
 
Z

zookmaster

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Some days I feel like it's driving me mad knowing that my situation is the same thing is was 3 years ago, same it was 6 months ago, and it's going to be the same in 6 months a year and more. I'm also about 6 feet 5 tall tan skin I feel that most girls are too intimidated to even approach me and I can't really do it while at work myself.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Maybe you could present your intended with a bunch of roses, and offer to go to afternoon tea?
 
R

ramboghettouk

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it was when the psychiatrist was saying i wasn't schitzoprenic that i lost my virginity, some good came offf it though it allowed the housing assoc etc to leave me suffering harrassment and the benefit office to refuse me benefits, incidentally she now denies we ever had a relationship

Women maybe i'm a misogynist but i have little doubt they avoid schitzoprenic men, some might say it's similar to the way i avoid overweight women etc
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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I'm also about 6 feet 5 tall tan skin I feel that most girls are too intimidated to even approach me and I can't really do it while at work myself.
Absolutely nothing wrong with this, zookmaster and in fact women tend to go for tall men with a tanned complexion! Have you tried internet dating? Forgive me...you may have mentioned this further up the thread but I've now forgotten :(

I just wanted to say...I'm 5'2" and yes...I guess I'd feel a bit strange and perhaps intimidated trying to date a guy who was 6'5" :scared: With internet dating you could at least state your height and specify that you would prefer dating women who are tall. You could even specify a height eg. women 'at least 5'10"'. Yes, it would limit availability but might help you find a more ideal date.
 
U

UnderConstruction25

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I think you being tall is a plus. The taller the better.... so it depends on who you ask. Women being treated like princesses? The best things in life are not man made;) Speaking as a woman, there is nothing better than simplicity. I strongly believe people should save the fancy act for later.... (like an anniversary to something special). No bar setting either... a beer and some KFC. lol. I don't know why there are so many good guys that want G-friends and can't find any good females. Women are layered.... but not impenetrable... I spout a lot of B.s but if I found someone that got me and could tolerate my quirks I wouldn't be single;) If you are still living at home... that's OK. ... everyone goes through hard times. No one should judge you for that. Another thing I've learned is body language is a huge factor on how you are being perceived. Your barriers might be up and the signals your giving are either mixed or lost entirely.... I am positive that when you find someone your depression will be lifted. Everyone experiences sadness from time to time.... I really hope everything gets better for you... your on the way to a better tomorrow.
 
Z

zookmaster

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Hope so. Even getting numbers seems harder now and I miss having someone wanting me...it's been years.
 
L

Ladygrey

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I hate been small .I am 5ft 1 in heels and I feel that tall guys don't like me . Yet I find I am attracted to men at least 6 ft tall....they make me feel safe .
 
Jaminacaranda

Jaminacaranda

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I hate been small .I am 5ft 1 in heels and I feel that tall guys don't like me . Yet I find I am attracted to men at least 6 ft tall....they make me feel safe .
OK I think you may need to broaden your views a bit. Why do you need to 'feel safe'? I'm a 5'2" woman but I don't think I've ever felt I needed a tall man to keep me 'safe'. I keep myself safe mostly all on my own and I don't think 'tall men' are necessarily the key to safety either - it's almost like you're saying 'tall men must be brave and strong' and I want to defend tall men here and say - no - it's OK if they're not. There is more safety for both a man and a woman when walking about a city together - in fact lone men are more likely to suffer uninvited attacks than women. Please look up the statistics if you don't believe me.
 
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