I'm sick of her roller coaster emotions and I want OUT

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thisisannoying

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#1
This is an 8 year friendship. Since the beginning, it felt like walking on eggshells from time to time.
I can't believe it took me this long to figure it out.
She's not a full blown borderline personality disorder, but she's got very big traits.

The past 2 years has gotten worse.
Ever since I got some success of my own, a snapping attack is right around the corner.
Anything I say or do, she snaps and makes it about herself.

She accuses me of undervaluing her work, ridiculing her work, questioning her intelligence, and the list goes on.
I've NEVER done any of those things and when I mention it, she says I IMPLY it.

She's always the one snapping out of nowhere and I always end up apologizing.
She's had ghosting stints with many best friends. She can't keep a boyfriend, either, as they all leave.

She doesn't know she has borderline, and she's very unlikely to acknowledge it.
It's always everyone else's fault, not hers.

I've ghosted a previous best friend of 10 years because of insane envy and jealousy on her part only to have her write me E-mails asking for forgiveness 1 year down the road. It's been 3 years of no contact and best decision ever made.

For all of you suffering from Borderline, let me just say this- when a close person ghosts you, don't be surprised.
A person will only put up only so much until the last straw breaks.

It is so HARD to deal with this.
Even when I've explained myself how she hurt me, it went right back to her BS.

This is the last straw for me. I've done it before- ghost a friend full force and never look back despite pleaded attempts.

From prior experiences, I've learned that explanations don't work.
People only understand your hurt and pain when you block them completely out of your life. Then, months and years down the road, they ask themselves, how come my best friend just ghost me?

I'm sorry, but this has been going on for a week now. I've blocked her and planning on doing No Contact. The friendship has been severed for good. This is my last straw.
 
Urban Hermit

Urban Hermit

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#2
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way X
I don't know if, but could it be that her anger is a fear that you may leave and move on, we all fear losing people we care for but if she has BPD then maybe it's even worst for her , have you talked about it with her asked her why has acts this way , be honest with her and explain , maybe she will acknowledge her fears ? X
One big issue with BPD can be that they fear that everyone will leave them so sometimes it's easier to push people away first ?

Just my two cents x
 
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thisisannoying

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#3
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way X
I don't know if, but could it be that her anger is a fear that you may leave and move on, we all fear losing people we care for but if she has BPD then maybe it's even worst for her , have you talked about it with her asked her why has acts this way , be honest with her and explain , maybe she will acknowledge her fears ? X
One big issue with BPD can be that they fear that everyone will leave them so sometimes it's easier to push people away first ?

Just my two cents x
I have not seen abandonment issues.
For the past 1.5 years, the big issue has been professional success.
Ever since I've had a bit of my own, she's snapped at me from nowhere.
She's constantly accusing me of "implying" she's less intelligent, less hard working, and so on.
 
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thisisannoying

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#4
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way X
I don't know if, but could it be that her anger is a fear that you may leave and move on, we all fear losing people we care for but if she has BPD then maybe it's even worst for her , have you talked about it with her asked her why has acts this way , be honest with her and explain , maybe she will acknowledge her fears ? X
One big issue with BPD can be that they fear that everyone will leave them so sometimes it's easier to push people away first ?

Just my two cents x
I just don't think she's capable of apologizing.
All of my time knowing her, she's pulled stints like these on other best friends.

Is ghosting painful for a BPD person? Because I think that's the only way her weird brain can understand the message.
 
BPDevil

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#5
not all of us with borderline are that extreme so saying we shouldn't be surprised when people ghost us is a very unfair statement
 
Urban Hermit

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#6
I just don't think she's capable of apologizing.
All of my time knowing her, she's pulled stints like these on other best friends.

Is ghosting painful for a BPD person? Because I think that's the only way her weird brain can understand the message.
Ghosting is painful for anyone .... Talk to her and see what she has to say, you've known her for 8 years for reasons, so don't throw it away without trying to understand why ...x
 
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thisisannoying

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#7
not all of us with borderline are that extreme so saying we shouldn't be surprised when people ghost us is a very unfair statement
You're different because you're on this forum, you acknowledge your issues, and you're willing to change. Talking with you is completely different as opposed to talking to her.

She's unwilling to even admit she has a problem.

Completely two different people.
 
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EstherRose94

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#8
She doesn’t sound very BPD-ish to me like I always wind up breaking down and begging for forgiveness from people after I do something super minor.

Anywho I actually came online just now to say that my conflicting emotions and convictions are driving ME crazy so your thread caught my eye.

I think it’s pretty difficult for both parties.
 
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EstherRose94

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#9
But it made me laugh actually because the frustration you have with her is really similar to the frustration I’m having with myself.
 
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thisisannoying

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#10
Ghosting is painful for anyone .... Talk to her and see what she has to say, you've known her for 8 years for reasons, so don't throw it away without trying to understand why ...x
I appreciate your advice, but after 8 years of her weird aggressive stints, I can't.

I have talked to her in the past. She went right back to expressing her hurt and pain and dismissed mine entirely. Said, like always, I "implied" this and that.

She has never once said sorry on her own terms in these 8 years.
 
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EstherRose94

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#11
Well that refusal to apologize alone sounds admittedly rough. Everyone is wrong sometimes!
 
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thisisannoying

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#12
She doesn’t sound very BPD-ish to me like I always wind up breaking down and begging for forgiveness from people after I do something super minor.

Anywho I actually came online just now to say that my conflicting emotions and convictions are driving ME crazy so your thread caught my eye.

I think it’s pretty difficult for both parties.
But do you have emotional outbursts? Are you always on the lookout and always thinking, oh this and that person, they're implying this and that with regards to me?
 
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EstherRose94

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#13
I’m the opposite though I need to stop apologizing so much 🙈 ugh. I guess I can’t relate to your friend too well except I get that way (ish) when I feel like I need to defend myself.
 
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EstherRose94

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#14
Yes with the emotions and thinking the worst lol. Only with people I’m very close to
 
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EstherRose94

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#15
I’m not actually diagnosed either though I also have traits
 
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EstherRose94

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#16
I know from like a psych/ medical standpoint though what it is in general.
 
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EstherRose94

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#17
How does it make you feel when she has those outbursts? My bf tries to explain and it doesn’t stick with me. Maybe an outside perspective will help me understand.
 
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EstherRose94

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#18
Like I guess from my reading of that you’re comments were painful to her insome way too whether or not that seems reasonable to you.
 
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thisisannoying

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#19
Like I guess from my reading of that you’re comments were painful to her insome way too whether or not that seems reasonable to you.
My problem with her is that during her emotional outbursts, she's said some painful things to me directly. Even other friends have noticed.
She'd easily called me an idiot, and other bad names, all in the name of, oh, small talk.
Like, oh, don't be an idiot, stop saying stupid things, etc. And mind you, during our time in college, I've excelled at academia so these are very hurtful.

Thanks for your responses Esther, but I've made up my mind. She's dysfunctional.
I know she will contact me, but the tie has been severed.

I'm a type of person that endures, swallows, grudges through the pain, until no more.

I've completely ghosted friends before because it was literally, the last straw that broke the camel's back.

I've just noticed that with my friendships, silence seems to work wonders at getting my point across.
 
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EstherRose94

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#20
Hopefully it helps you both gain clarity around the situation and all works out for the best, however that would be.
 

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