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I'm Scared

SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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Location
The West Country
Don't know whether to try a sensible thread or just let it out....

My sister is currently staying and she has done something to deliberately antagonise my brother. He's not found out yet, but when he does, I don't know what will happen.
I'm scared - not just for myself - but particularly for my Mum. I am worried about my sister too, but the chances are she'll be back where she lives before he finds out.

The fear is crippling me so much at the moment.
I lie awake at night and hear my Mum screaming (inside of my head).
It's a replay of what's happened. It's what I fear is happening and what I fear will happen again. Only what will it be this time? How bad will it be?
Will he kill her?
I am kept awake by images of what he could do to me, or my parents, or my dogs.
He talks about my hair a lot... I fear he will shave my head because he got clippers out before as a "joke".
I fear he'll hurt the dogs. My dog runs out the room when he walks in and growls whenever he goes near him.
I fear my Dad will fly off the handle - not that I give a shit if my brother gets hurt - it's more what if my Dad ends up arrested or going to prison?
Every time my phone rings or I hear a car outside I think it's the police coming to tell me he's killed my parents.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK I WANT TO DIE TO ESCAPE THIS SHIT.
I don't really want to die, it's him that should die. Fuck off and leave us all alone. Get out of my head, you ****. Get out of my life, you fucking disgusting ****.


MY bowels are torturing me at the moment. I'm (almost) literally shitting myself with fear. It feels like i'm being stabbed in the bowels. Under my ribcage is tender.


P.S. - I don't feel I can say this to my care coordinator. It's too awkward between us and her mannerisms make me feel like I should just shut up.
 
L

lovagemuffin

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Oct 21, 2014
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ok take a deep breath sounds like your panicking. I don't know much about your situation but you walk with the strong arm of the law and nobody is allowed to go near your house or near you dogs or even phone you if you don't want them too. have a charged mobile with you at all times look your doors and windows at night then you can phone the police AT ANY TIME. don't feel like your making a fuss or that youll be ok anything disturbs you and you phone them sending hugsx
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I'm so so sorry for what you're going through. It sounds horrendous. Lovagemuffin's advice is very good. I must admit, I have no idea what to advise or what to say to provide solace. :hug1:

Is it possible that whatever your sister has done be undone before your brother finds out?
 
Q

Quickduck

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Take sensible precautions, but try not to worry SomersetScorpio; there's no reason why things have to play out as before. The fear could be the worst of it. As has already been said the law is on your side. So I suppose you could inform your local community police officer of your concerns, that way they are aware of the situation and could keep an eye on your house and if your dad does fly off the handle and there is an altercation your brother will be held to account. I know it's hard but try not to let him get into your head. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Thinking of you. :hug: x
 
U

Unloved

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hi Somerset Scorp xx you are one of my fav posters/members on here, i really am sorry to read of yours and your families predicament .. I can relate to this situation and of having a violent manipulative thug for a brother, i know it Hurts.. **FEAR is their main weapon, please Dont let it hold you down, or Stop you from doing the Right Thing.. *Ring and talk to your local police and explain the situation as clearly and precisely as possible. .. Put them in the picture before any anticipated incident occures, they will be able to Better Advise You and Protect You and Your Family .. Look up Domestic Abuse and Know Your Rights Please, Dont Let the coward get away with intimidating you. *Ring 101 (its a number the Police say to use if it is not an 'immediate' life threatening emergency., to report a Crime or for advice) .. ..you and your families welfare is important, Please make that call xx.
 
rubyrose

rubyrose

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I'm so sorry, SS. How awful and terrifying this situation must be. I wish I saw this thread earlier. Believe me, I know what it's like to live in crippling fear. My brother has anger issues and there have been times when I have locked myself in my room to keep him away from me. I ran out of the house to get away from my brother one time because he was coming after me...and he was set on hurting me. I had no shoes on and was literally scared for my life. He injured a cat we used to own and I cried when I saw the pain he had caused her. She was never the same after that...absolutely traumatized. I'm certainly not trying to make you feel worse, but I want you to know I can relate. I'm really worried about you, dear. There is really good advice above...sorry, I'm not sure what else to suggest besides contacting police and making them aware of the situation. I really hope you are in a safe, calm space now and that no one has gotten hurt. :hug1:
 
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SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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First of all, i'm so thankful for every single hug and reply I have.
I logged in earlier, having had a bit of a cry because I was feeling down, but everybody's kindness just set me off crying again.

Is it possible that whatever your sister has done be undone before your brother finds out?
Unfortunately, no. She has destroyed photos of him with a man he had an affair with 5 years ago.
This affair is what started all of his behaviour off - he is obsessed and has been diagnosed with having pathological jealousy still to this day.
Those were the only remaining photos he had of him with this guy.
It may sound a bit trivial to those who don't know him or the background to the situation, but, that's enough to really set him off on a rampage.

Nikita said:
I wonder also is your brother over 18 in which case isn't it time he was no longer living at your parents.
Yes, he turns 30 in March.
To be honest, I thought when I (the youngest child) went into the refuge several years ago, it would force my parents to act but it hasn't.
My Mum did make a half-hearted attempt to get him out, but it resulted in my brother phoning my Grandfather and being dropped off back at the front door.

Unloved and Sienna Rose, I particularly want to send love to you. Am sorry to hear that you have similar situations to mine. I really don't think there's enough help or awareness for adult siblings who suffer with domestic abuse.
But as I said, thank you so much to everybody.

I'm dreading being near him on Christmas Day, but I think the alternative of being on my own is too depressing and I might be at risk of doing something silly.:low:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Got a text from my sister (who is travelling home) saying she's done something else.

My brother bought lots of very expensive Christmas gifts for this guy he can't get over.

She's essentially stolen a fragrance from him that he intended to give to the guy.. who, by the way, hasn't actually seen him for the last two or three years.. and is going to return it to a shop and get the money for it.

The thing is, as much as he deserves what he gets because of the crap he puts out into the world, it's not going to be my sister who's there when he finds out and freaks out.
She's not going to be the one who deals with the fallout.

It's a good job i've got counselling tomorrow...
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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I'm sorry that you are suffering and dreading Christmas so much. I think you're right about the lack of help available for sufferers of domestic abuse. Particularly when the abuser is a sibling or child.

I think that you need to be with your family though. As you said, the alternative is probably just as frightening. At least you will be with your parents.

I do hope that your Christmas is better than you are expecting. You deserve to have an enjoyable stress free time.
 

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