- Jan 31, 2019
- White Plains, NY
I don't really want to go anywhere else. I just know I can't survive here in NY. I don't have enough money. And never will. I don't want to spend the rest of my life around so many people, too. There are too many here. I would prefer to go back to the way I used to be - when spending most of my time alone didn't bother me. I don't think that's possible. I remember ten years ago to this day March 6 I was just acclamating to this apartment (having moved in on the 4th two days prior). I pushed myself too hard moving and became sick for days. I was completely overwhelmed. But hopeful then. I knew I'd recover. I wasn't riddled with uncertainty over the future. Or riddled with benzodiazepines. I think that tomorrow for my own physical health at least I will sever all ties with my doctor of five and a half years. And cut off my supply of benzodiazepines. I feel that soon I'll have some form of cancer or disease if I continue to pollute my body. I'm not supposed to die before 35. Or 40.