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I'm scared to death tonight. I feel physically ill.

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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#1
I woke up this morning feeling like I'd been drugged. I could barely stand. I was walking into walls. Hitting my head. I went back to sleep hopingit would go away and it didn't. For hours. I finally showered and felt better for a few hours and then the horrible wind and snow came and I couldn't leave my home. I was terrified all night thinking the power was going to go out and I was going to freeze to death. Then a few hours ago, the nausea started and it won't go away. I've been having diarrhea all day. Something is wrong and I have to somehow get through tonight. I don't know how. I usually swallow at least 2 Valium tablets every night and Benadryl. I can't do that feeling this sick. I'll be awake all night if I don't. I'm scared to death. I have a bucket next to my bed in case I vomit. I'm really suffering. And it's well below zero outside. Maybe everything isn't that bad. Perhaps I'll improve enough in the next few hours to get a little drug induced sleep. That's the best case scenario. I just want to get through the night. Without puking. Or suddenly developing a fever. My only thought is that it's food poisoning. But my mom has me scared to death that it's the stainless steel cleaner from an aerosol can that a janitor was spraying while I was doing my laundry in the basement of my apartment building. I should've left immediately but I was afraid to leave my clothes alone with him. Then there was some kind of plumbing emergency in the apartment underneath me for hours last night and who knows what chemicals they were working with - could have been soldering pipes. I'm scared to death. My nasal passages feel weird. My stomach and intestines feel like someone's tying them up making balloon puppets and I feel nauseated. I just want to make it through the night. Without puking.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#2
Worst part about it is I have my psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. I only see him twice a month and there's no way I'm going if I still feel bad tomorrow. And I needed to see him. I'm running out of Valium.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#3
Make no mistake. This is not panic. It's real sickness. I just don't know what caused it. And I'm scared to death wondering how much worse it's going to get.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 18, 2019
Messages
45
#4
When's the last time you opened some windows to vent in oxygen?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
7,866
Location
England
#5
Hi,
I'm sorry your feeling poorly, nausea is horrible. Hope your able to drink small amounts every so often.
It could be a stomach upset, if it doesn't pass see your dr.
Plain ginger biscuits are good for nausea.
Do let us know how you are.
Take care
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#6
I threw up a littlein my mouth this morning at 5. After 5 hours of Valium induced sleep. The previous day I was feeling better. But the nausea returned at night. Faded after the Valium. Then my body wakes me up at 5 to do that. I swallowed some Pepto Bismol. Then, stupidly, more Valium. I couldn't get back to sleep without it. I know all it does is worsen reflux - it's a muscle relaxant. But I didn't care anymore. And boy have I been suffering all day. Nausea, a ton of endless phlegm (inflammation) from the awful damage the reflux is doing coating my throat and nasal passages at the back of my throat, and as usual horrific mind blowing hopelessness and despair all day. I wish the Universe would just take me off the Earth already. Before the vultures and Mengele's of the mental health industry get their Hellraiser-like hooks into me. I don't want to go out on a dozen neuroleptic, antidepressant, etc drugs in an institution one day. I just want to be in that house in the country in the painting on my wall. I don't want anyone around me. I'm sick of people everywhere I turn. I want to be alone for the remainder of my life.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#7
People are nothing but trouble. You only have to watch the 1994 movie "Nell" to see that. Clearly. In an unadulterated way. I may not ever improve on my own in a bucolic and isolated setting but what difference does it make? I'm in a densely populated city environment now and I'm completely isolated everyday. I want to be next to a lake somewhere in a rural area. Far from drugs. And the Mengele's of the world. And from people. They're nothing but trouble.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#8
Btw, on a serious note, if it was sickness, some kind of food or chemical poisoning, it doesn't feel so debilitating anymore. And I'm not so scared anymore.
 
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Draw on the fire!

Active member
Joined
Mar 18, 2018
Messages
25
#9
Eat the following foods for a month, and you may see a huge difference in your panic attacks...

Cabbage.
Oranges.
Pecans.
Tofu.
Asparagus.
Kale.
Salmon.
Avocado.
Bananas.

The best food you can eat is natural, and avoid caffeine, booze and drugs that mask the problem.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#10
I can't seem to avoid drugs anymore. Almost a year now. I'm on Neurontin right now. Which of course barely helps. I'm wondering if I can take Seroquel with it. I probably won't. Everything you say about food just goes right over my head. I feel like it's too late for me. I'm so afraid. Everyday I search for companionship either by whining like this or using hookup apps and frightening other men.
 
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DyingUpInHere

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
20
Location
White Plains, NY
#12
I feel worse than ever today. Absolutely no hope. None. I just think about the woods behind the garden apartment building where I lived as a child. I didn't live in the woods. Just to be clear. In the building. And I think about the possibility that I may pass away from natural causes before the end of Winter. I can't think of anything else.